I am going to post this link because, coincidentally, I was listening to a radio interview (with the author of this book) this morning and it seems relevant to your post.
The Amazon Blurb on the book:
In her practice as a licensed therapist and through discussion groups all across the country, Sarah Brokaw has discovered that the women who navigate midlife most smoothly--who go on to prosper and to enjoy the best years of their lives--are those who foster five Core Values in themselves. In Fortytude, she shows how any woman can nourish these qualities in herself, and evolve and thrive.
The five Core Values are:
Grace--when a woman lives with integrity, capitalizing on her own strengths while admiring the strengths of others
Connectedness--experiencing satisfaction in connections with others
Accomplishment--the sense of realizing goals and getting things done--which is necessary in today's world, when women are expected to cram 48 hours of living into every 24-hour day
Adventure--a willingness to seek challenges outside the normal comfort zone
Spirituality--a personal approach to religion, and an understanding that life has a meaning beyond the day-to-day details
In Brokaw's reassuring voice and through the stories of incredible women from all walks of life, readers can learn how they, too, can embrace and fully enjoy their forties, fifties, and beyond.
And here's the link on Amazon: Fortytude: Making the Next Decades the Best Years of Your Life -- through the 40s, 50s, and Beyond
It seemed like it could be inspirational and reassuring too ... I am likely going to read it myself, as a little pep-talker-upper. In her interview, Sarah Brokaw talked a great deal about finding your own voice, even if it seems to go against what society expects women of a certain age to be doing. Sounded a bit like what you are describing in your OP.