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  1. #11
    Member raminda's Avatar
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    I think a good idea would be talking about yourself more and them less. Instead of saying "Yeah, for you I bet it feels like you saw this life changing movie and it sucks not being able to share that." you could say "Yeah, I know what you're talking about, I'm the same with Japanese Literature, I read some wonderful book and then I have no one to share that experience with" (or whatever you're interested in). This shows that you can emphatize with the feeling but don't share the interest. Maybe?

  2. #12
    Another awesome member. Curator's Avatar
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    Ive had this happen as well Gloriania, which is why ive found it helpful to add, besides the phrasing used to show that you see their point of view, an extra tidbit like "but I personally feel/believe/think _______ But I totally get where you're coming from" or something a long those lines...
    You are not powerless, you just need to accept your power for what it is, a part of the whole, no one man can save the world, but you can be a light to those who envelope themselves in darkness, The candle that sparks the inferno.

  3. #13
    Senior Member mochajava's Avatar
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    @Gloriana - my rep sent too quickly, so I'll comment here. I think by saying "it seems like it's this way for you" people are like SOMEONE HEARD ME, wow! (and everyone is secretly craving validation anyway), they chalk that up to being so much more than it is because they rarely get it... so I think they are misinterpreting your words. I wonder what your mannerisms are like when you're saying it. But you've mentioned this in previous posts. I think it's that you use the perfect counselor type phrases

    leafandsky: Social isolation is a widespread problem, so I don't mind alleviating that for people when possible. Who ever takes the time to really listen to another human being?
    +1

    I also like the idea of talking about yourself. You're like the opposite of the person who busts in with their vaguely-related anecdote! That's a pet peeve of mine, even though I now understand it's genuinely well-intentioned.

  4. #14
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I'm learning over the years to do less of that kind of "connecting", even if I have the information to make it possible, just because I think ultimately people find it misleading even if I never meant anything by it. By becoming more selective about drawing people out, it seems to have reduced the strange person quotient in my life. Part of my problem is that I like to find out what makes people tick and some amount of information helps me form a picture of that person. I also tend to put myself in their position and so assume they would feel as embarrassed as I would if I were to react in particular ways. In the last couple of years, I've realized that many types of people simply do not agonize over that kind of thing like I would (in their position), particularly if you are still polite, but just more distant.

  5. #15
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    This made me laugh, and I sympathize too. If you're not careful you can end up with that dynamic where every time you see them they assume you're equally fascinated when you were really just trying to be polite.

    People can be rather self-absorbed... I think the suggestion of saying "yeah, I feel the same about Bolivian clog dancing/obscure Kazakhstani poetry/human Tetris, but don't have many people to talk about it with" is an idea. But they may not even notice. It's funny in a way.
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  6. #16
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    I just let them think whatever and when I hang out with them, we bond on those interests. hahaha, one guy thinks that I am obsessed with the Nazis and got me Inglourious Basterds for Christmas.... :laughing: If the people are creepy, I don't bother hanging out with them further. Overall, it doesn't bother me to talk to people about things that I could care less about. If they are passionate about it, well, good for them.

  7. #17
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    I wouldn't call that empathizing to be honest. That's just bsing and making the person believe something false.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  8. #18
    Glycerine
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    I wouldn't call that empathizing to be honest. That's just bsing and making the person believe something false.
    I agree with this stance too.

  9. #19
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    I don't think taking an interest in the interests of others is BS-ing. It's being polite and friendly. I think a bit of that is better than the other person mentioning what they're interested in and you saying "yeah, that doesn't interest me at all. So how about that Bolivian clog dancing?"

    If you say "oh, that must be interesting, although I have to admit it's never interested me that much", it should be reasonably clear. And still polite.
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  10. #20
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    If you aren't actually interested in the topic, or only like one or two things pertaining to the topic and you don't clarify. Yes it is.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

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