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  1. #31
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Interesting thread! I'm not an NF, but T is my weakest function and I find myself somewhat relating to this. I don't cry much, but once in a while when something hits me inside, it really hits me - and it's like I can't hold it back. Later this year, I'm walking my sister down the aisle (in place of my father) and, yeah, that's the kind of situation that can cause me to get a little emotional - just the meaning behind it, the memories, etc. I recently got into this huge argument with an ESFJ family member of mine who went out of their way to say, "You can't get emotional at the wedding. You know that right?" I was like, "Huh? What are you talking about?" ESFJ says, "It's your sister's wedding - it's not your place to be emotional. It's her big day, not yours. Don't ruin it for her. If you feel like you need to cry, hold it back. Be strong for her." I was so freakin' dumbfounded by this it just blew up. I said, "First of all, I probably won't cry. Second of all, if the beauty of the moment hits me a certain way, I won't even be able to hold it back. It's like sneezing for me - I can't just 'not cry'. I could try - but there'd probably be a lot of snot involved - which would be even worse." It's not like I can just choose when I want to cry and when I don't. I understand the idea of being under control, composing yourself, etc. - but what is this obsession that society has with "not letting people see what you're really feeling/thinking"?

    Like I said, I don't cry much, but when I need to - I need to. It's just something that wells up in me and has to come out. It is what it is, why should I fake it or try to hold it in and end up blowing snot bubbles? I don't know - the idea that you have to purposely suppress this stuff troubles me. Only when I suppress it am I being inauthentic. Know what I mean?
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  2. #32
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    this is an odd topic really because it all depends on how you measure masculinity...the last two nf men that i have been really close to have a really beautiful empathetic heart...there's a softness there but outwardly both are very masculine people....in stance and stature...mannerisms...presence...i don't know what words to use but definitely masculine.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  3. #33
    Courage is immortality Valiant's Avatar
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    a) if you have the same dilhemma (can't really answer the other questions if you don't share this same starting point)

    Sometimes, I do. I am very emotional and passionate. I do feel strongly and I am quite sensitive at times, but at the same time I am tough somehow. Didn't used to be, it's an acquired trait I think. Necessary for survival, even if that's not how I am when someone is within my trusted zone.

    b) does it feel natural to you to surpress this mushiness

    Yes, if it needs to be done. Sometimes, people can't be allowed to know that you're not as hard as you seem, or they won't respect you. They'll devour you like the rabid dogs that they are.

    c) if you do things purposely to keep this mushy (Fi?) side of you healthy

    Yes. I am very open and honest with my close friends, but it is the romantic relationships that weighs up the suppression of emotions. It's great.

    and if you answered yes to c, d) how do you do this?

    I can be very warm, loving, generous and kind. All sorts of cute behavior, I suppose. To the point that it's almost silly. ^^

    Mightier than the tread of marching armies is the power of an idea whose time has come

  4. #34
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    Interesting thread! I'm not an NF, but T is my weakest function and I find myself somewhat relating to this. I don't cry much, but once in a while when something hits me inside, it really hits me - and it's like I can't hold it back. Later this year, I'm walking my sister down the aisle (in place of my father) and, yeah, that's the kind of situation that can cause me to get a little emotional - just the meaning behind it, the memories, etc. I recently got into this huge argument with an ESFJ family member of mine who went out of their way to say, "You can't get emotional at the wedding. You know that right?" I was like, "Huh? What are you talking about?" ESFJ says, "It's your sister's wedding - it's not your place to be emotional. It's her big day, not yours. Don't ruin it for her. If you feel like you need to cry, hold it back. Be strong for her." I was so freakin' dumbfounded by this it just blew up. I said, "First of all, I probably won't cry. Second of all, if the beauty of the moment hits me a certain way, I won't even be able to hold it back. It's like sneezing for me - I can't just 'not cry'. I could try - but there'd probably be a lot of snot involved - which would be even worse." It's not like I can just choose when I want to cry and when I don't. I understand the idea of being under control, composing yourself, etc. - but what is this obsession that society has with "not letting people see what you're really feeling/thinking"?

    Like I said, I don't cry much, but when I need to - I need to. It's just something that wells up in me and has to come out. It is what it is, why should I fake it or try to hold it in and end up blowing snot bubbles? I don't know - the idea that you have to purposely suppress this stuff troubles me. Only when I suppress it am I being inauthentic. Know what I mean?
    this is hilarious and so so sweet...
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  5. #35
    Senor Membrane
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    Quote Originally Posted by HiddenAutumn View Post
    I guess I'm protecting myself from being misunderstood or judged by others. I know I'm different; I don't necessarily do things the way the average person would do them, or think the way the average person thinks, and while that's really not good or bad, when people have told you that you're strange enough times or implied that there's something wrong with you, you start to think there must be some truth to it. So the only way I can feel safe from other people's judgements is to not let them see the parts of me they wouldn't understand.
    Yeah, this is hard to manifest all the way. I've got the same issue. It's really difficult. But, I think it starts to solve now. I've finally decided to pursue my artistic interests. Not only that it's the kind of work I like, but as a bonus it dissolves the problem about appearances. Artists can be as eccentric as they like

    Quote Originally Posted by HiddenAutumn View Post
    What do you mean by that? Like the price is sometimes too high to pay, so we should be willing to change our path if that's the case?
    Well, I was thinking about ethics. For example, I have been living on social benefits for some time now, even if I am healthy and so on. People see this as "lazy and only thinking about himself", while in actuality there's more than meets the eye. I see the financial system of the world work so that the more money I have the less there is for someone else. So, in this context, if I made a lot of money, it is the same to me as being responsible for people dying for hunger in Africa. Also, if I had money, I wouldn't know what to do with it, since almost all I can buy will contribute to the environmental crisis. On top of this, give taxes to the government and they go into sustaining the same problems. And this is not all. I think it is degrading to be working under some person who imagines being more valuable than me just because his task in the firm is "boss" instead of "employee". I'm talking about bosses who think they got the right to have irrational bouts of anger, while expecting the worker to swallow all resentment. There's way too much of money thinking in this business, and the people who don't submit to work overtime will be part of the next downsizing.

    So, you see, even if I might sometimes wish for some money to buy some luxuries, I see that me making and spending money is related to most of the suffering in the world. To sell these values would be to deny most of who I am.

    Quote Originally Posted by Eckhart View Post
    I myself think that my lonely time helped me about it ironically; not being constantly around people outside of family and internet contacts gave me enough time to think about things, regenerate energy and self-confidence and growing more comfortable with my real self.
    True.

  6. #36
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    this is an odd topic really because it all depends on how you measure masculinity...the last two nf men that i have been really close to have a really beautiful empathetic heart...there's a softness there but outwardly both are very masculine people....in stance and stature...mannerisms...presence...i don't know what words to use but definitely masculine.
    I don't know exactly what it's called either but I like it.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  7. #37
    Freaking Ratchet Rail Tracer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by animenagai View Post
    Takeru, I'm now up to date with Kimi ni Todoke . So sweet! I can't get the confession scene out of my head.
    Kazehaya's scene or

    Or Chizuru's bittersweet moment?

  8. #38
    Senior Member animenagai's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Takeru View Post
    Kazehaya's scene or

    Or Chizuru's bittersweet moment?
    Sawako's eureka moment with her hiding behind the door and everything . I really like that girl, even if I'll probably never want to date someone like that. Her particular brand of emotions are what make the show imo. Soooooo cuuuuute! Reminds me of when I was younger
    Chimera of Filth

    A gruesome beast with dripping flesh
    Clings to me as a sick fixture
    My throbbing heart it gnawed apart
    It stalks and hunts me through mirrors

  9. #39
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    I've never really been that "mushy", at least I don't think, but I can relate to not being as masculine as others. It's something I've come to accept as a part of being me, and that's just who I am. I don't think it's necessarily an issue, or something that you should hide or "deal" with - for me personally, if I did I'd feel like that was lying to myself, and in a way rejecting a part of myself / saying I'm not good enough.

    I used to worry a lot about these things, and try to bendover backwards trying to please everyone, but in doing so I felt like I was massively loosing my identity. These days I just try to be myself, and if it isn't to anyone's taste, that's completely fine - I won't be able to be everyones cup of tea, but I can only really be who I am. I'm muchos happier as a result, and have found that it's really not something to be ashamed of - people really do appreciate being geuine and honesty.

    I'd say unless it's a major issue, roll with it and be your amazing self Besides, if everyone was the same life would be pretty boring!

  10. #40
    Level 8 Propaganda Bot SpankyMcFly's Avatar
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    I also had issues with this when I was in my early 20's. I'm almost 40 now and my advise is, just be.

    Something can only bother you if you place value on it. I suggest devaluing what others think of you, in regards to wether or not you are "masculine", it's quite liberating. That liberation will fill you with ease and give you confidence, creating a positive feedback loop. Ironically, confidence in oneself is considered very "manly".
    "The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents... Some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the light into the peace and safety of a new Dark Age. " - H.P. Lovecraft

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