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  1. #21
    Member HiddenAutumn's Avatar
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    Speaking of chick flicks, whenever I've known guys who don't seem embarrassed to watch or like a chick flick, it makes me think they're very confident and self assured.

  2. #22
    Senior Member animenagai's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HiddenAutumn View Post
    Speaking of chick flicks, whenever I've known guys who don't seem embarrassed to watch or like a chick flick, it makes me think they're very confident and self assured.
    I bet that's what you say to all the other guys *flicks hair*
    Chimera of Filth

    A gruesome beast with dripping flesh
    Clings to me as a sick fixture
    My throbbing heart it gnawed apart
    It stalks and hunts me through mirrors

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by HiddenAutumn View Post
    I can see what you're saying Arclight. I think maybe that's why I'm only emotional when I'm alone. When I'm by myself I never keep my emotions in check, which can often lead to depression. When I'm around other people, I'm almost too good at controlling my emotions. Even my best friends have hardly ever seen me cry, which I actually do quite often, but no one would ever know.

    I guess that kind of goes along with what animenagai was saying about having to present a tougher side of himself so he doesn't feel vulnerable. I'm the same way in a sense. So maybe it's not a guy thing, it's just human nature...or NF nature more likely.
    Hmmm, Yes because when I am feeling very vulnerable around others (even on here), vulnerable is the last thing I portray.
    I am more likely to act as though nothing can hurt me and I go on the offense against whatever is making me feel vulnerable.
    I cry a lot when I am alone too.

    Speaking of chick flicks, whenever I've known guys who don't seem embarrassed to watch or like a chick flick, it makes me think they're very confident and self assured.
    Embarrassment is never the issue. Most chick flicks are kind of predictable and boring
    (Nice Eye candy though)

  4. #24
    Senor Membrane
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    Being vulnerable is the key. It would seem opposite at first sight, but that's only your defenses speaking. I've noticed that the more I am vulnerable, the more joy there is. So, it's not that people often see me hurt, I'm usually too happy for that. Of course, being vulnerable in this sense means also letting my intuitions (not the MBTI definition of intuition) guide me. So, it doesn't turn out like I go into difficult situations just to feel vulnerable.

  5. #25
    Member HiddenAutumn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arclight View Post
    Embarrassment is never the issue. Most chick flicks are kind of predictable and boring
    (Nice Eye candy though)
    You are so right. There have been a few good ones in the past but they're few and far between. Most chick flicks are so contrived and cheesy.

  6. #26
    Member HiddenAutumn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nolla View Post
    Being vulnerable is the key. It would seem opposite at first sight, but that's only your defenses speaking. I've noticed that the more I am vulnerable, the more joy there is. So, it's not that people often see me hurt, I'm usually too happy for that. Of course, being vulnerable in this sense means also letting my intuitions (not the MBTI definition of intuition) guide me. So, it doesn't turn out like I go into difficult situations just to feel vulnerable.
    That's interesting that you say that because I was just talking to one of my friends last week and she was telling me about this study that was done to figure out why some people are happy and some aren't (even if they have a similar life-style) and it turns out that the people who are happier are the ones who are more willing to allow themselves to be vulnerable.

    I guess that kind of makes sense because when you're more willing to be vulnerable you are able to share yourself with others more openly and then relationships can grow stronger and emotional connections can be made, and you're probably willing to take more chances and so your goals are realized more often. And that is definitely where I'm lacking. I am constantly trying to protect myself. I wish I could allow myself to be more vulnerable, but I don't know how. It's terrifying. Even on here sometimes.

  7. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by HiddenAutumn View Post
    I guess that kind of makes sense because when you're more willing to be vulnerable you are able to share yourself with others more openly and then relationships can grow stronger and emotional connections can be made
    Indeed. Even the people who don't like you that much will not find a reason to hate you if you are open to anything.

    Quote Originally Posted by HiddenAutumn View Post
    and you're probably willing to take more chances and so your goals are realized more often.
    Hmm... Yeah, that's probably true. But part of it is to be open to the possibility that the goal might not be attainable. Many things we want come with such a price tag that it would be stubborn to continue on the same path. Of course, the hard part is to know when to be vulnerable to which thing. Should I go to a new school or to a job? Both need me to be vulnerable, but in a different way.

    Quote Originally Posted by HiddenAutumn View Post
    And that is definitely where I'm lacking. I am constantly trying to protect myself. I wish I could allow myself to be more vulnerable, but I don't know how. It's terrifying. Even on here sometimes.
    What are you protecting yourself from? If you go through the logic behind protecting yourself, you'll probably see that it's a bad strategy. Think about dying. What kind of memories would you like to have when you are on your death bed. Of course, some protection is necessary, but I think most of it is just because of your upbringing. They need people who will try to keep themselves safe at all costs, you see, because they need you in some factory or office, and if you die young, or even worse, live a life of adventure, they won't make so much money.

  8. #28
    Senior Member BAJ's Avatar
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    Someone posted that TED talk on vulnerability not too long back and I've been watching it. Very good stuff.

    I'm not sure about my mushiness. I can be very butch, much of the time. Yet, many people think I'm gay or they think I'm a woman on the phone.

    I have been accused of being too sensitive many times.

    I do cry at movies. I'm not sure the last mushy movie I saw, but I'm sure I do see them.

    I did read, "the secret life of bees" a few months ago.

  9. #29
    Member HiddenAutumn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nolla View Post
    Hmm... Yeah, that's probably true. But part of it is to be open to the possibility that the goal might not be attainable.
    That's a good point. I think I get my heart set on things and I just expect it to happen the way I want or the way I've envisioned and when it doesn't I'm devastated. But I need to just trust what life gives me and be open to the possibility of things not going as planned, 'cause as Ranier Maria Rilke says, "Life is in the right, always."

    Quote Originally Posted by nolla View Post
    Many things we want come with such a price tag that it would be stubborn to continue on the same path.
    What do you mean by that? Like the price is sometimes too high to pay, so we should be willing to change our path if that's the case?

    Quote Originally Posted by nolla View Post
    What are you protecting yourself from? If you go through the logic behind protecting yourself, you'll probably see that it's a bad strategy.
    I guess I'm protecting myself from being misunderstood or judged by others. I know I'm different; I don't necessarily do things the way the average person would do them, or think the way the average person thinks, and while that's really not good or bad, when people have told you that you're strange enough times or implied that there's something wrong with you, you start to think there must be some truth to it. So the only way I can feel safe from other people's judgements is to not let them see the parts of me they wouldn't understand.

    And of course anyone would say, "you shouldn't care what people think, blah, blah, blah," and while that's true that's not always easy. When you've developed a complex about something and people confirm it in various ways, it's hard not to feel vulnerable.

  10. #30
    Senior Member Eckhart's Avatar
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    I can relate to what HiddenAutumn says. Especially in younger years it is not so easy to just be yourself when people constantly make you feel bad about your real self. That is the time when most people, I think, develop that barrier to protect their real self, and it is hard to let it drop later even when you grew older and are more able to protect your real self without hiding it. You never totally forget about it I believe, even though it is as you say, a bad strategy to hide yourself from opening up. Not easy to get out of it.

    I myself think that my lonely time helped me about it ironically; not being constantly around people outside of family and internet contacts gave me enough time to think about things, regenerate energy and self-confidence and growing more comfortable with my real self.

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