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  1. #1
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    Default ENFP with emotional holy cows

    Sometimes I am very open about everything, including aspects of my life that others would be very secretive about. A young me would even have boasted about my openness about personal things. I love drawing other people out about their private lives too, but the important point here is MY openness.

    Another part of me is incredibly defensive. Certain emotional processes are holy terrain, don't step on it, don't come near it. Most of these processes are things I've felt at a loss about for some time, things I am perhaps unsure I will actually solve one day.

    These are serious holy cows... Don't touch them; don't make me engage with your innovative new take on the issue; don't tell me how you're doing with this issue in your life. It's not that I ignore these things in my life. I make every effort to nurture them. I explain to everyone how they need to actually just love me and not try to help me at all. I try to love myself and pamper myself and nurture myself as much as possible with these issues. Almost like I'm being my own parent.

    Sound familiar?
    Dominant function explanations?
    Advice?

  2. #2
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    Default The Holy Cow



    I'm sorry.
    I'm really, very, very sorry.

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by InvisibleJim View Post


    I'm sorry.
    I'm really, very, very sorry.
    LOL

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by blomiki View Post
    Sometimes I am very open about everything, including aspects of my life that others would be very secretive about. A young me would even have boasted about my openness about personal things. I love drawing other people out about their private lives too, but the important point here is MY openness.

    Another part of me is incredibly defensive. Certain emotional processes are holy terrain, don't step on it, don't come near it. Most of these processes are things I've felt at a loss about for some time, things I am perhaps unsure I will actually solve one day.

    These are serious holy cows... Don't touch them; don't make me engage with your innovative new take on the issue; don't tell me how you're doing with this issue in your life. It's not that I ignore these things in my life. I make every effort to nurture them. I explain to everyone how they need to actually just love me and not try to help me at all. I try to love myself and pamper myself and nurture myself as much as possible with these issues. Almost like I'm being my own parent.

    Sound familiar?
    Dominant function explanations?
    Advice?
    This sounds very familiar. Bear in mind that I only get to recognise this from the ENFPs I know so I don't know if you can relate to this. An ENFP feels that he/she has the right to feel the things he/she feels. To be a friend (or anyone closer), anyone interested simply just need to accept the ENFP for who he/she is. ENFPs always know what to do what's right for them. Just simply being there for them and accepting them for who they are is just that.

    I don't know much about functions so I'm not the right person to share this. However, just be yourself. People love you for what you can offer. If they like you they'll stick by you. If not then no worries, there are many others who simply just hasn't found you yet.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by blomiki View Post
    Sound familiar?
    Dominant function explanations?
    I'm guessing it's your auxiliary Fi. For comparison, INFPs have dominant Fi, and we're prickly as hell about a lot of private, personal stuff. It can turn us INFPs into real weirdos if we're not careful: In extreme cases we tend to trust our internal Fi dictates and impulses as gospel; we simply refuse to trust the outside world and any outside evidence that would contradict how we feel.

    ENFPs aren't as bad as INPFs in this regard. But they still do a lot of Fi self-definition: "This is just who I am, and no one is going to change my mind." It can sound a little paranoid when it involves negative judgements against people. "I'll never trust that person again; that's just who I am."

    Quote Originally Posted by blomiki View Post
    Advice?
    Like I say, this issue of runaway or misguided Fi probably isn't as big a problem for ENFPs as for INFPs. But if you want to tackle it and play with it, then address your holy cows head-on and resolve to try a new approach. If you're feeling rigid about something, then take a deep breath, and try handling it exactly the opposite of how you would normally deal with it. That's pretty much how INFPs have to handle the problem anyway. When personal prejudices get in the way, we need to open up our Ne and see how the rest of the world regards these things. IOW, we need to quit making it so personal.

    In short: it's good to make informed, thoughtful decisions and judgements. In fact, ENFPs can be kind of spacey with their strong Ne and they should seek to use their Fi thoughtfully to anchor themselves and define themselves better. But OTOH it's bad to make snap decisions and treat them as holy cows; IOW, snap decisions and personal prejudices should be questioned and/or opened up for outside scrutiny and debate.

  6. #6

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    Am I the only one that read emotional holy cow and thought I'm going to eat one of them.

  7. #7
    Senior Member animenagai's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lark View Post
    Am I the only one that read emotional holy cow and thought I'm going to eat one of them.
    Yes, yes you are.

    Back to the topic, I really don't know anymore. Back in the day, I was really adamant of the ennegram 4 stuff. You know, I had to be original and whatnot. But even that has kinda developed into something more open and healthy. Now I would actually listen to someone's opinion on that. By listen I mean REALLY listen, not just have a conversation. I really can't think of anything I would be that defensive over anymore.
    Chimera of Filth

    A gruesome beast with dripping flesh
    Clings to me as a sick fixture
    My throbbing heart it gnawed apart
    It stalks and hunts me through mirrors

  8. #8
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    It's often interesting to, when someone hits upon one of your holy cows, to take a moment and introspect, when you're alone. Not always fun, but it usually yields interesting results to ask yourself *why* this is so precious to you. Where it comes from. Gives you great insight into yourself, and makes it also easier to see why that same holy cow isn't as holy to someone else, as they're different

    Granted, sometimes you're so touchy a bout it it's no fun at all to introspect...but all the more necessary/interesting unfortunately
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  9. #9
    Senior Member Chiharu's Avatar
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    INFPs have many and varied touchy emotional issues. "That's the way it is, no argument. None, ever." - type deals. They learn to move past these set ways overtime as they mature and develop their Ne.

    ENFPs take much longer to form these no-argument issues through strong Fi and subsequently have fewer of them, but it would take a force of nature (or hella introspection) to shake us on them after they're made.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Santosha's Avatar
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    Sounds familiar to me! And I've seen a few ENFP's "holy cows" crossed on the forum, it ain't pretty. (Same goes for INFP though).

    Most of my holy cow issues are people related. Certain relations that went wrong, went wrong again, and again, (It can take ALONG time for an NFP to really be done with someone, haha) but eventually.. the shit hits the fan, alots gone down, and no-one better ever ask me to make ammends with this person, cause it ain't. gonna. happen. I can count on 1 hand the number of people that I'd rather gargle with razorblades than make ammends with. The only people that have ever pulled this off are people that I let deep into my 'inner circle of trust' only to have them intentionally screw me over, time and again.

    I have some moral 'holy cows' too, but these are few and far between. I don't expect the rest of the world to agree with me on these, but I do tend to get crazy when those closest to me fail to understand the relevence and importance of these issues.
    Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts

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