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  1. #1
    Diving into Ni-space Crescent Fresh's Avatar
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    Default Mind Games for Attraction?

    I had an interesting discussion with a friend and she's a firm believer of using mind games to attract attention from men.

    Though I am sure that all of us sort of play some sort of minor deceptive games a little here and there, but as for me I only use it to help me getting out of troubles, such as unwanted attention or responsibility (like work politics). I'll never use it for the sake of grabbing someone's attention if I'm deeply interested in them.




    Anyhow, this is how she thinks:

    "Mind games work. if you are too available--you fail. If you're too easy--you fail. You have to be a challenge. You gotta show a guy that you have a life and it doesn't revolve around him. You're desirable and attractive so act like it. You call the shots so if you act like the boss you will get what you want. Girls who do whatever the guy wants them get played, girls who boss up dont. Let him miss you. You can't achieve that without playing mind games."




    So I wonder how you think of this?

  2. #2
    Unlimited Dancemoves ® AgentF's Avatar
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    i think you need to carefully evaluate your opponent before engaging in any mind games or mental trickery.

    the only one i've both mastered and feel authentic/good about engaging in, is flirting (but even that can backfire, as ENFPs know too well).

    i'm a big fan of transparency and zero mind games. homie don't play that way.



    EDIT: but as a matter of anecdotal evidence, i have observed and been the recipient of laser-beam-like focus from men who want to conquer me. if there is a mutual interest, i am happy to oblige, and engage in that form of game.
    I may be kindly, I am ordinarily gentle, but in my line of business I am obliged to will terribly what I will at all.
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  3. #3
    Another awesome member. Curator's Avatar
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    Im anti game mysel, I really do not like women who like to play mind games, oh there are some playful style flirting games that im ok with, but the mind games, battles for dominance/control, all that sort of crap, I absolutely detest... I prefer open no BS honesty, that way we can work on developing then nurturing a connection that can eventually blossom into love and passion... If a woman starts playing those kind of controlling mind games with me, no connection will be made, I will run the other way, and most likely not even be friends with them, let alone consider them for a romantic relationship...
    You are not powerless, you just need to accept your power for what it is, a part of the whole, no one man can save the world, but you can be a light to those who envelope themselves in darkness, The candle that sparks the inferno.

  4. #4
    AKA Nunki Polaris's Avatar
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    If you're looking for a long-term relationship, playing mind games is one of the worst things you can possibly be doing. When you play mind games with someone, you risk creating a relationship that only exists by virtue of deception, and when that happens, you've put yourself in a position where you're never going to feel good about the connection you've established. The most fulfilling relationships are formed between people who act completely naturally in each others' presence, and embrace each other on those terms. Those are the kinds of relationship you will automatically gravitate toward if you express yourself as you are, without any self-consciousness coming into play: the people who don't accept you will steer clear of you and make room for those who do. If you start playing mind games with people, on the other hand, you'll find yourself pouring more and more energy into maintaining relationships in which you can never really be yourself. This will make you feel insecure, destroy your self-esteem, leave you emotionally uninvolved, and prevent you from seizing a lot wonderful opportunities that are out there waiting for you. So above all, be yourself when looking to establish a good relationship, even if it means that you have to let go of someone whom you find very appealing. When the wait is up, it will be worth it.
    [ Ni > Ti > Fe > Fi > Ne > Te > Si > Se ][ 4w5 sp/sx ][ RLOAI ][ IEI-Ni ]

  5. #5
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Polaris View Post
    If you're looking for a long-term relationship, playing mind games is one of the worst things you can possibly be doing. When you play mind games with someone, you risk creating a relationship that only exists by virtue of deception, and when that happens, you've put yourself in a position where you're never going to feel good about the connection you've established. The most fulfilling relationships are formed between people who act completely naturally in each others' presence, and embrace each other on those terms. Those are the kinds of relationship you will automatically gravitate toward if you express yourself as you are, without any self-consciousness coming into play: the people who don't accept you will steer clear of you and make room for those who do. If you start playing mind games with people, on the other hand, you'll find yourself pouring more and more energy into maintaining relationships in which you can never really be yourself. This will make you feel insecure, destroy your self-esteem, leave you emotionally uninvolved, and prevent you from seizing a lot wonderful opportunities that are out there waiting for you. So above all, be yourself when looking to establish a good relationship, even if it means that you have to let go of someone whom you find very appealing. When the wait is up, it will be worth it.
    I agree completely with this. Mind games seem to be worse than a complete waste of time because the effect is negative rather than positive.

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  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Polaris View Post
    If you're looking for a long-term relationship, playing mind games is one of the worst things you can possibly be doing. When you play mind games with someone, you risk creating a relationship that only exists by virtue of deception, and when that happens, you've put yourself in a position where you're never going to feel good about the connection you've established. The most fulfilling relationships are formed between people who act completely naturally in each others' presence, and embrace each other on those terms. Those are the kinds of relationship you will automatically gravitate toward if you express yourself as you are, without any self-consciousness coming into play: the people who don't accept you will steer clear of you and make room for those who do. If you start playing mind games with people, on the other hand, you'll find yourself pouring more and more energy into maintaining relationships in which you can never really be yourself. This will make you feel insecure, destroy your self-esteem, leave you emotionally uninvolved, and prevent you from seizing a lot wonderful opportunities that are out there waiting for you. So above all, be yourself when looking to establish a good relationship, even if it means that you have to let go of someone whom you find very appealing. When the wait is up, it will be worth it.
    +2 !

  7. #7
    Diving into Ni-space Crescent Fresh's Avatar
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    I wholeheartedly agree with Polaris. Great summarization btw.

    Though I'm thinking the early stage of attraction. I, personally, wouldn't play hard to get even if the interested is mutual. Though it seems that some people take the first stage way too seriously by plotting-and-planning how to lure others for 'testing' the interests. For me, that kind of testing for chase is simple a big turn-off for me. Though it seems like now, it's been viewed as some sort of universal concept for not taking the offer too easily. I suppose it does have to do with self-image issues.

  8. #8
    Senior Member BAJ's Avatar
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    I think this is similar to something I was discussing in my roles thread.

    In terms of dating, I'm not very successful...not that I try much. But I like the simple and direct asking what people are interested in or not. Probably I'd be much more successful if I could "play games", depending upon your definition of success.

    I guess I have other goals, since "dating" may not really be the goal much anymore:

    (1.) Attempt to understand
    (2.) Be kind or do no harm
    (3.) Help them if you can, or try to leave them better than you found them.

  9. #9
    Senior Member You's Avatar
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    I think this would be better addressed in the Relationship's sub-section, but mind games exist with, or without intent. Honesty doesn't take someone off the hook. I'll elaborate further when this topic broadens beyond the NF extremes.
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  10. #10
    Senor Membrane
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    I'm too egoistic to play games. I'm not interested even getting to know people who aren't interested in the real me. This is more extreme the more I like people. Basically I'm aiming to become 100% real in distant future. This might be too hard a goal, but it is quite important part of me... Of course, 100% real isn't exactly the same as spilling all info about me on people and seeing if they can tolerate it. That's actually somewhat opposite of what I am talking about. If I had such an info package ready, it would be fake, since a persons history is just a collection of more or less random data. And there would be a temptation to write the info in a better light than it really is. I'd rather show people who I am than tell them, and even in that case the showing shouldn't be active, but passive. In other words, if you want to know me, you must follow me around for a while and make your own conclusions.

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