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  1. #81
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    I'd like to add to the OP mind games....

    Rule no. 3: Break up with him before he breaks up with you.
    Whoever breaks up with the person first...... wins.
    omg! that reminds me, this friend of mine has this quote:

    "A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left." - Marilyn Monroe

    can you say worst tactics evar?

  2. #82
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    omg! that reminds me, this friend of mine has this quote:

    "A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left." - Marilyn Monroe
    Sheer brilliance.

  3. #83
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    yes, me too. it's fairly easy to tell when someone is being intentionally deceptive. i once had a guy try to go out with me because he really wanted to go out with a friend of mine. i let him treat me to lunch and over lunch discussed how he should go about approaching her
    Hey, your time and advice is valuable!
    You should be treated to lunch at least.

  4. #84
    Another awesome member. Curator's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    I wonder if you're very young, because this reminds me of when I was in my late teens/early twenties and sex and intimate love were still somewhat divided.

    Then I grew out of that. As far as I know, people are supposed to.

    If you think you'll be closer to your platonic female friends than someone they have a real, adult relationship with, I think you have another thing coming.

    No offense.
    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    I don't have surface level relationships. To me it just sounds like you're justifying being friend zoned, and you don't even understand what I or skylights am talking about.

    I think you are INFP for other reasons that what I've seen in this thread, but I just voiced it now, because I felt sure. I won't bring it up any longer if it bothers you.
    you are coming off as sounding extremely condescending, seriously, you say no offense, but you clearly seem to mean to offend, this is quite out of line from what ive seen from you in the past, so for the time being, I will consider it just a major misunderstanding, and hope it is that.

    As for your statements, It is actually only young people ive known that seem to consider sex and imtimate love the same, where as most older people I know 40+ seem to consider them separate, so your statement on this makes little sense to me, and btw, im almost as old as you...

    I say im closer to my platonic female friends than they are to their SO's because that is what they have told ME, I do not assume I am, they have all said so, which was rather shocking to me when It first started happening, it is obviously not the case with every female friend ive made, but the ones I actually consider close friends, rather than friendly Acquaintances, seem to consider us much more intimately close than they are with their SO's.

    I think being able to be close intimate friends with some one without sex being involved, is far more of a "real adult relationship." than believing one needs sex to be close to some one.

    I never said you did, and did not mean to imply you did (as that seems to be what you believe I did.) I was just expressing that I have been stating this entire time that i want to develop deep relationships, and that playing games for control get in the way of that, if it doesnt with you, then thats great, that is why I did not address your earlier statements saying it works for you, BECAUSE I am not YOU, I have no clue what does or does not work for you, so I did not argue that point, if it works for you, then great! it doesnt for me, I cannot be close to some one that plays control games.

    From what I can tell, me and skylights have a pretty good understanding of each others views, and share extremely similar ones, I enjoy being in the friend zone, I have love and acceptance there, and sex is not important to me, so I dont see why I wouldnt enjoy being in the friend zone... its better than being in their "Danger zzone" (lol) and not being close friends with them...lol

    But seriously, if you are going to clearly state things you know to obviously be offensive, dont say "no offense" afterwards, that actually bothers me more than the offensive comments,lol.
    You are not powerless, you just need to accept your power for what it is, a part of the whole, no one man can save the world, but you can be a light to those who envelope themselves in darkness, The candle that sparks the inferno.

  5. #85
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    No I didn't mean it to be offensive, I meant it to be a realistic Te/Si statement, and only added "no offense" becase I thought it might bother your Fi.

    I didn't feel a need to pussyfoot around since you were putting what appeared to be Fi judgments on the depth of other people's relationships, your assertions about people "pretending," and what I consider to be bizarre notions about seperating sex from adult emotional intimacy.

    It was clearly a misunderstanding, now that you've explained that you're just describing as being your own experience...it's just that I've seen a lot of friend zoned men think they're gonna be the hero to the girl having problems with their boyfriend, and then get their heart smashed when the girl ends up choosing her boyfriend over and over again, no matter what her complaints may have been.

    My experience has been different from yours, let's just leave it at that.

  6. #86
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    I haven't read the thread yet, so if something gets repeated, so be it.

    Everything is a game, one way or another. But mind games seem like really hard work, the element of manipulation within all that seems too negative to really pay off. To me it seems that although they might be fun in the beginning, once you get involved with them it gets harder and harder to actually get out of playing games in relationships in general. Personally, I find that exhausting. Relationships are hard enough to maintain, why would I want to waste my time with something that I don't really see ending well. If you can't be authentic, I don't really see the point. Where's the respect? But there are plenty of people who thrive on mind games, so if that's their thing, go for it. Unfortunately people can get hurt that way was well.

    So, with mind games, you've managed to grab their attention...what next? Presumably, if you're interested, you want them to keep interested in you as well for a considerable amount of time. Well, maybe not, some might only look for the game and lose interest as soon as they've "won".

    But when do the mind games stop then? Can you really keep going with them and call the relationship healthy and fulfilling? I guess it might work for some.

    Quote Originally Posted by Crescent Fresh View Post
    Anyhow, this is how she thinks:

    "Mind games work. if you are too available--you fail. If you're too easy--you fail. You have to be a challenge. You gotta show a guy that you have a life and it doesn't revolve around him. You're desirable and attractive so act like it. You call the shots so if you act like the boss you will get what you want. Girls who do whatever the guy wants them get played, girls who boss up dont. Let him miss you. You can't achieve that without playing mind games."

    So I wonder how you think of this?
    I can understand the rationale behind this, but it seems like a very black and white point of view. You're either a doormat who gets played with or you're tough enough not to let anything get to you. I don't think this has to be that harsh. You can be self reliant, strong, confident and a "challenge" without resorting to desperate attempts to show it all the time and play any kind of games.

  7. #87
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    yes, me too. it's fairly easy to tell when someone is being intentionally deceptive. i once had a guy try to go out with me because he really wanted to go out with a friend of mine. i let him treat me to lunch and over lunch discussed how he should go about approaching her
    Holy shit, not to one up, but it gets worse the smarter the men are.

    I once had a man date me for 8 months (speaking 3 hours a night on the phone) telling me he loved me.

    I finally hooked up with him and the next fucking day he slept with my best friend.

    When I ran into his Bf a couple months after I asked him why he did that....

    The BF replied: "He knew she wanted anything you had, and she didn't want him. So he knew if he could get you, he would get her....and it worked."

    I had already dropped both of them at that point, but damn, what an eye opener.




    The point is, or what I learned after a while, you really should not look at all romance as being a mind game. And, truthfully....That was probably a rare instance.

  8. #88
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    Hey, your time and advice is valuable!
    You should be treated to lunch at least.
    i figured it was only fair. he wanted me to play his game, he got it...

    plus i figure i did him a better turn in the long run.

  9. #89
    Another awesome member. Curator's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    No I didn't mean it to be offensive, I meant it to be a realistic Te/Si statement, and only added "no offense" becase I thought it might bother your Fi.

    I didn't feel a need to pussyfoot around since you were putting what appeared to be Fi judgments on the depth of other people's relationships, your assertions about people "pretending," and what I consider to be bizarre notions about seperating sex from adult emotional intimacy.

    It was clearly a misunderstanding, now that you've explained that you're just describing as being your own experience...it's just that I've seen a lot of friend zoned men think they're gonna be the hero to the girl having problems with their boyfriend, and then get their heart smashed when the girl ends up choosing her boyfriend over and over again, no matter what her complaints may have been.

    My experience has been different from yours, let's just leave it at that.
    Ah, well thats good to hear, I am glad you did not mean it to be insulting... also, I really really really REALLY dont wanna be anybodies Hero,LOL... in friend form or otherwise... I am willing to help my friends when they need it, but Ive seen the kind of dynamic you speak of, and I cannot stand it... especially when people try to force such a dynamic on me...I Dont want to be a savior 24/7 to my friends, I'll help them out when I can and I love to, but I prefer to have people in my life that are not so emotionally draining as to need a "hero" around...im more inspiring/nurturing than I am the heroic/savior type... it does hurt to see a friend, male or female, choose to be with some one abusive... but I think anyone that cares about their friends would feel that way...

    I am sorry that you felt I was judging the depth of your relationships, but as I said from the beginning, I believe pretending one is something they are not, and trying to control others, will not allow for a very truly intimate relationship, as you ha ve clarified more of your statements, its obvious that is not what you meant, you seem to mean it closer to what skylights has been saying, but she communicated it in a way that I was able to understand and relate to much better, where as your original posts seemed to mean much different things to me from hers.

    yes, our experiences seem to have been much much different, and thats cool with me, its interesting to learn about yours, if youd like to discuss more in depth about your beliefs on why sex and intimate love are not separate, we can do so in email if youd like so we dont clog up this thread with something even more off topic than we already are,lol... Id be interested in here more of your view.
    You are not powerless, you just need to accept your power for what it is, a part of the whole, no one man can save the world, but you can be a light to those who envelope themselves in darkness, The candle that sparks the inferno.

  10. #90
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    Holy shit, not to one up, but it gets worse the smarter the men are.

    I once had a man date me for 8 months (speaking 3 hours a night on the phone) telling me he loved me.

    I finally hooked up with him and the next fucking day he slept with my best friend.

    When I ran into his Bf a couple months after I asked him why he did that....

    The BF replied: "He knew she wanted anything you had, and she didn't want him. So he knew if he could get you, he would get her....and it worked."

    I had already dropped both of them at that point, but damn, what an eye opener.




    The point is, or what I learned after a while, you really should not look at all romance as being a mind game. And, truthfully....That was probably a rare instance.
    hot damn, that sucks. 3 hours? i'd be fooled too. i'm really sorry you had to go through that.

    tell me they didn't stay together?

    admittedly, the guy who treated me to lunch was a bit of a dunderhead. though oh, was he good-looking. a bad-boy type with a heart of Fe. i wanted to believe him. i did, for about half a second of bliss. then reality conked me in the head, and it only became more clear as he didn't actually pay much attention to what i was saying.

    one thing i truly, truly hate is people who reach out to you when their other relationship isn't working out. exes, friends, whoever. i'm not your backup.

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