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  1. #71
    Another awesome member. Curator's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    Oh there's no pretending to be somebody. I think you've misunderstood.
    Maybe, but that is what it has sounded like though from your posts, pretending to be something one is not, to gain control in a relationship, that is much different than showing interest in things somebody you care about is interested in, I will even go so far myself as to tell them "Ive not been interested in this be4, but Im really curious to learn about why you are so passionate about this, so I wanna give it a a try.
    You are not powerless, you just need to accept your power for what it is, a part of the whole, no one man can save the world, but you can be a light to those who envelope themselves in darkness, The candle that sparks the inferno.

  2. #72
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    Quote Originally Posted by Curator View Post
    Maybe, but that is what it has sounded like though from your posts, pretending to be something one is not, to gain control in a relationship, that is much different than showing interest in things somebody you care about is interested in, I will even go so far myself as to tell them "Ive not been interested in this be4, but Im really curious to learn about why you are so passionate about this, so I wanna give it a a try.
    Yes well to you it might be pretending, to me it isn't.

    You really strike me as an INFP.

  3. #73
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Curator View Post
    hmmm, there seems to be another misunderstanding... I am not saying there is anything wrong with being open to what other people are interested in or want, im a e9, heck I used to go way to far on that, literally at risk of losing myself when I was younger,lol... but situations like "this person i really care about loves dancing! im going to learn how to dance!" is extremely different from "this person I really want loves dancing! im going to pretend im an expert!" there is obviously a major distinction there, there is a difference between being open to learning new things, changing and growing, vs pretending to be somebody else to get with them...
    mm, yes, i considered e9 for a while because of that idea of "losing oneself" with another person, because i adapt a good deal. later when i discovered the instinctual stackings i realized it was an effect of sx, being that e9 does not really fit me.

    i suppose i have toed this line before - of learning someone is interested in ______, then reading up on _____ so that i can converse with them fluidly should it become pertinent. i would not tell them that i learned about it just for them. but i would not lie about my expertise, that only creates embarrassment later. beginning, i am quite picky about what i choose to share, and how i choose to share it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Curator View Post
    I have to say, that more often than not, ive seen more emotional intimacy and open-ness within friendships (not just my own, but other peoples as well) especially between women, then I see in in their romantic relationships...
    i have found this as well at times. i think the lack of sex even being on the table as a possibility can create a vacuum for greater emotional depth and trust. sex can be a puzzle piece or a distraction, depending.

  4. #74
    Another awesome member. Curator's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    Yes well to you it might be pretending, to me it isn't.

    You really strike me as an INFP.
    lol, I dont particularly get why anything ive said is INFP, considering ones type is based on cognitive functions, not opinions, for instance, I consider the orderliness of the average INTJ to be amazing, and have worked to try to incorporate such into my life, that does not make me an INTJ... Caring about having a more than surface level relationship, does not make me an INFP either... Although its perfectly possible, I just consider it unlikely at this point given other evidence (put forth in my type me thread)
    You are not powerless, you just need to accept your power for what it is, a part of the whole, no one man can save the world, but you can be a light to those who envelope themselves in darkness, The candle that sparks the inferno.

  5. #75
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    Quote Originally Posted by Curator View Post
    I have to say, that more often than not, ive seen more emotional intimacy and open-ness within friendships (not just my own, but other peoples as well) especially between women, then I see in in their romantic relationships... and for me personally, ive found this also to be true, but I believe this to be the case because people who believe sex creates a greater intimacy, but have no intention of having sex with me, are more likely to be more open with me, because the intimacy they consider sex to create (which I believe it can) is scary for them, so in the end they end up more open with me because they expect only sex to create that level of intimacy, so its like this platonic intimacy sneaks up on them or something and they dont know its coming till its there,lol... I cant even count how many of my female friends consider themselves closer to me emotionally than they do their SO's... (every one of them but 2, who interestingly, didnt play control games.)

    That being said, I think if I could find this intimacy, with some one whom we both actually want to be together sexually, forever, I believe that making love would definitely increase our intimacy... Im just saying that sex often does not = Ultimate intimacy...in fact, it seems not to most of the time for most people ive ever known.
    I wonder if you're very young, because this reminds me of when I was in my late teens/early twenties and sex and intimate love were still somewhat divided.

    Then I grew out of that. As far as I know, people are supposed to.

    If you think you'll be closer to your platonic female friends than someone they have a real, adult relationship with, I think you have another thing coming.

    No offense.

  6. #76
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    Quote Originally Posted by Curator View Post
    lol, I dont particularly get why anything ive said is INFP, considering ones type is based on cognitive functions, not opinions, for instance, I consider the orderliness of the average INTJ to be amazing, and have worked to try to incorporate such into my life, that does not make me an INTJ... Caring about having a more than surface level relationship, does not make me an INFP either... Although its perfectly possible, I just consider it unlikely at this point given other evidence (put forth in my type me thread)
    I don't have surface level relationships. To me it just sounds like you're justifying being friend zoned, and you don't even understand what I or skylights am talking about.

    I think you are INFP for other reasons that what I've seen in this thread, but I just voiced it now, because I felt sure. I won't bring it up any longer if it bothers you.

  7. #77
    Another awesome member. Curator's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    mm, yes, i considered e9 for a while because of that idea of "losing oneself" with another person, because i adapt a good deal. later when i discovered the instinctual stackings i realized it was an effect of sx, being that e9 does not really fit me.
    e9 is about the only one that actually fits me, and it seems to do so like a glove, especially the levels...im SO I believe, if I remember right...

    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    i suppose i have toed this line before - of learning someone is interested in ______, then reading up on _____ so that i can converse with them fluidly should it become pertinent. i would not tell them that i learned about it just for them. but i would not lie about my expertise, that only creates embarrassment later. beginning, i am quite picky about what i choose to share, and how i choose to share it.
    I dont always tell them "im learning this cause you like it" that tends to happen once they already know its something im not normally interested in, otherwise I basically do what you do... Also, I dont share everything at once, I have to feel comfortable with a person, but I never feel comfortable with people who plays games...its been my experience, the more games they play, the more negative their intentions, so with those I can wait a LONG time to open up...[/QUOTE]

    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    i have found this as well at times. i think the lack of sex even being on the table as a possibility can create a vacuum for greater emotional depth and trust. sex can be a puzzle piece or a distraction, depending.
    I think thats pretty accurate from what ive witnessed, its like it can distract from getting closer, its also why I believe bonds can be easier to develop over the internet often(at least for me), because there isnt that physical response muddying up the waters...
    You are not powerless, you just need to accept your power for what it is, a part of the whole, no one man can save the world, but you can be a light to those who envelope themselves in darkness, The candle that sparks the inferno.

  8. #78
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    I'd like to add to the OP mind games....

    Rule no. 3: Break up with him before he breaks up with you.
    Whoever breaks up with the person first...... wins.

  9. #79
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    I'd like to add to the OP mind games....

    Rule no. 3: Break up with him before he breaks up with you.
    Whoever breaks up with the person first...... wins.
    Also, whomever creeps out the creepy guy wins. Wait...wrong thread...maybe.

  10. #80
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Curator View Post
    e9 is about the only one that actually fits me, and it seems to do so like a glove, especially the levels...im SO I believe, if I remember right...
    yay for you for figuring a good type match out! i am still working on mine...

    Quote Originally Posted by Curator
    I never feel comfortable with people who plays games...its been my experience, the more games they play, the more negative their intentions, so with those I can wait a LONG time to open up...
    yes, me too. it's fairly easy to tell when someone is being intentionally deceptive. i once had a guy try to go out with me because he really wanted to go out with a friend of mine. i let him treat me to lunch and over lunch discussed how he should go about approaching her


    fwiw, curator, i do understand what marmalade is talking about. not to isolate you or anything, by any means () - but i think what she, and i as well, see is you're relating more with a relational touchpoint of genuineness / authenticity / sincerity / "truth" where we are relating with a more multifaceted / fluid kaleidoscope identity sort of thing. Fi and Ne, in some ways.

    but you yourself note you're eNFP, implying more Fi than the average ENFP, so that would make sense.

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