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  1. #41
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Clearly there are people who are in successful, mutually loving relationships. But when you are dealing with unrequited love, which I believe is the most commonly experienced form of love, game playing is what happens.

  2. #42
    Senor Membrane
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    But when you are dealing with unrequited love, which I believe is the most commonly experienced form of love, game playing is what happens.
    Sadly, I think that's pretty accurate.

  3. #43
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nolla View Post
    Why is that a fact? I don't see nothing preventing this if you are being dishonest.
    True. It can happen when you are dishonest as well. The difference is, when one sets out to play a game, they pretend to be in love, but they really are not in love, so they don't end up hurt if they are cheated on or dumped.

    Yeah, control is really the problem. There is no openness where someone wants to have control over the other. The thing is you can't fight control with control. If you want openness there is no choice but to be open.
    I agree. But there are a lot of people who can't stand feeling vulnerable and want to stay in control. Fear of rejection, Fear of losing themselves, Fear of commitment, Fear of divorce, etc etc...

  4. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    True. It can happen when you are dishonest as well. The difference is, when one sets out to play a game, they pretend to be in love, but they really are not in love, so they don't end up hurt if they are cheated on or dumped.



    I agree. But there are a lot of people who can't stand feeling vulnerable and want to stay in control.

    This is sometimes the case, I agree, but sometimes a person really is in love (or in like) and is just trying to protect themselves and acting in a socially strategic way. It doesn't necessarily always include unrequited love...but I do see examples of the type of game playing you're talking about...I think of that being more like PUA or using people, which is a really sad and despicable level of game playing, and I do not advocate that level of game playing.

    I think there are levels.

  5. #45
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly
    My older sister once told me "The one who loves the least controls the relationship".

    It's true.
    qft

    i think we also "play games" in part because emotions can come on strong and uninvited... if a not-very-close friend confessed their love to you, would you really be able to handle that in the same way that you could handle perhaps a little flirting, and then a little more flirting, and then a little more? it would be more truthful of them to open up, instead of pretending to only be a little interested, but would it be better...?

    that is in part about control but also about understanding human receptivity. i am an advocate of being open in general, but i think there is definitely such a thing as too open. to handle a human suddenly opening the full extent of their feelings toward you is intense enough, but then to couple that with "i have placed my happiness in your hands" is a lot of responsibility being thrust on the other person. it's almost cruel in a way - the beloved, if not requiting, is then trapped in a lose-lose situation. lie and be unhappy, or break a heart.

  6. #46
    ^He pronks, too! Magic Poriferan's Avatar
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    I doubt I'm the target of all of this, but my own input is that strategy proposed in the OP wouldn't work on me at all. If someone isn't pretty straight forward in showing interest in me, I'll probably ignore them. If they show one thing and then the other, that would make me even less likely to pay attention to them than if they didn't show any interest at all.
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  7. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    i think we also "play games" in part because emotions can come on strong and uninvited... if a not-very-close friend confessed their love to you, would you really be able to handle that in the same way that you could handle perhaps a little flirting, and then a little more flirting, and then a little more? it would be more truthful of them to open up, instead of pretending to only be a little interested, but would it be better...?

    that is in part about control but also about understanding human receptivity. i am an advocate of being open in general, but i think there is definitely such a thing as too open. to handle a human suddenly opening the full extent of their feelings toward you is intense enough, but then to couple that with "i have placed my happiness in your hands" is a lot of responsibility being thrust on the other person. it's almost cruel in a way - the beloved, if not requiting, is then trapped in a lose-lose situation. lie and be unhappy, or break a heart.
    Yeah, well, you are right, it is a huge demand for someone to answer to something you have thought through in your mind for some time, and in most other cases people are subtle like that without any idea of deception. Say, you need to tell really bad news to someone and you are really concerned about how they will handle it. So, you soften it up. It isn't a game really, it is compassion.

  8. #48
    Another awesome member. Curator's Avatar
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    I have to say that girls, and marmies posts on this subject are exactly part of why I dont even try to date anymore, i was pretty unsuccessful as it was because people who believe that everyone is playing these control games, never trust that you are not playing games too, and since they cannot figure out what you are doing (since you actually are not playing games) they get scared, thinking you are out playing them, and they've lost all control... and they run off...

    On the other hand, many that recognize people who dont play games, realize that these few who dont play them, are easily manipulated by the mind games if you approach them right... Ive been the target of such approaches many times, some I noticed, others I didn't, till it was to late... and I have heavily resented every single attempt, what women have successfully used mind games on me, especially some of the crueler and more controlling ones,I warn them about it when I first notice, if they keep doing it, I dump them.

    There are people who refuse to play these silly pointless games, both in relationships, and many of the social ones as well, they are rare, and I agree that MOST who say they dont, actually do, and quite heavily I might add, but there are still those who do not, considering how unsuccessful it usually is, I dont think it can be considered part of the game, because the game is about benefiting ones self, getting what YOU want, and not playing mind games,has the opposite effect more often than not... and usually ends up with me being permanently friend zoned, being considered the best friend, but never anything more... im strangely ok with that, but I would not mind if someday I met some one who after getting tired of manipulating and being manipulated by everyone all around her, would realize that I offer the kind of love she need never feel insecure about, the kind that will always make her feel happy and warm and safe... heck, all of these "best friends" say I already provide that to them...not much point in buying the cow if you get the milk for free I suppose...


    "You can't just stay in your own bubble and own form, without getting into the mind of the person you are interacting with...and you shouldn't be encouraged to do so either."

    just want to end by saying TG< that is one of the most ridiculous assumptions ive seen in this thread, NOT playing controlling mind games is the OPPOSITE of that, its about being honest and open about who you really are, and if they reciprocate, then you can "get into" each others minds, learn about what makes each other tick... you cant both do that if you are both obsessed with being the one in control, these games separate you from being able to do that.
    You are not powerless, you just need to accept your power for what it is, a part of the whole, no one man can save the world, but you can be a light to those who envelope themselves in darkness, The candle that sparks the inferno.

  9. #49
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    qft

    i think we also "play games" in part because emotions can come on strong and uninvited... if a not-very-close friend confessed their love to you, would you really be able to handle that in the same way that you could handle perhaps a little flirting, and then a little more flirting, and then a little more? it would be more truthful of them to open up, instead of pretending to only be a little interested, but would it be better...?

    that is in part about control but also about understanding human receptivity. i am an advocate of being open in general, but i think there is definitely such a thing as too open. to handle a human suddenly opening the full extent of their feelings toward you is intense enough, but then to couple that with "i have placed my happiness in your hands" is a lot of responsibility being thrust on the other person. it's almost cruel in a way - the beloved, if not requiting, is then trapped in a lose-lose situation. lie and be unhappy, or break a heart.
    You are correct.
    The funny thing is, the same people who say they can't handle too much of this emotion are also the same people who say they hate games though.

  10. #50
    Another awesome member. Curator's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    qft

    i think we also "play games" in part because emotions can come on strong and uninvited... if a not-very-close friend confessed their love to you, would you really be able to handle that in the same way that you could handle perhaps a little flirting, and then a little more flirting, and then a little more? it would be more truthful of them to open up, instead of pretending to only be a little interested, but would it be better...?

    that is in part about control but also about understanding human receptivity. i am an advocate of being open in general, but i think there is definitely such a thing as too open. to handle a human suddenly opening the full extent of their feelings toward you is intense enough, but then to couple that with "i have placed my happiness in your hands" is a lot of responsibility being thrust on the other person. it's almost cruel in a way - the beloved, if not requiting, is then trapped in a lose-lose situation. lie and be unhappy, or break a heart.
    and heres the issue, what you are describing is NOT a lack of games, or honest open-ness, its ANOTHER type of game, the kind of person that uses being "open" as a form of control, it is not the same as being open and honest, because the person is not taking responsibility for their own feelings, they are pushing them on to YOU... refusing to play mind games is much different, by refusing to play it does not mean that you tell them automatically every little thing you think and feel, but you DO if they are interested in it, you dont lie about your feelings, you dont hold anything back when honesty is asked for, but it doesnt mean you have to gush all over everyone, and try to make THEM responsible for YOUR feelings... trying to force somebody else to take responsibility for what YOU feel is just as much a part of the mind games as any of the others, and its one a lot of people play on themselves as well...
    You are not powerless, you just need to accept your power for what it is, a part of the whole, no one man can save the world, but you can be a light to those who envelope themselves in darkness, The candle that sparks the inferno.

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