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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Crescent Fresh View Post
    "Mind games work. if you are too available--you fail. If you're too easy--you fail. You have to be a challenge. You gotta show a guy that you have a life and it doesn't revolve around him. You're desirable and attractive so act like it. You call the shots so if you act like the boss you will get what you want. Girls who do whatever the guy wants them get played, girls who boss up dont. Let him miss you. You can't achieve that without playing mind games."
    Looks pretty innocuous to me. I wouldn't like it if she said, "Men are scum. You have to play head games with them. Make them beg for it." But I can spin the above excerpt as something more constructive than that, like an admonition to put your best foot forward.

    For example:

    You're desirable and attractive so act like it. You call the shots so if you act like the boss you will get what you want. --The author sounds kind of cocky here, but I can also spin it as saying, "Be confident; and if you don't feel confident, then at least act confident!"

    You gotta show a guy that you have a life and it doesn't revolve around him. [...] Let him miss you. --This is actually very solid advice. All the psych experts say that you should try to retain a degree of healthy detachment, especially at the start of a relationship. That way you're in a better position to evaluate the other person objectively and to break things off if troubling signs appear.

    And so on.

    I don't really like the use of the term "mind games" because it comes too close to "head games" (which is decidedly negative). But overall, the advice isn't bad: Show some confidence, maintain some healthy detachment, and don't let the guy take you for an easy mark (don't allow yourself to "get played").

    And if you can't actually *do* those things, at least try to *appear* like you're doing those things.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Crescent Fresh View Post
    I had an interesting discussion with a friend and she's a firm believer of using mind games to attract attention from men.

    Though I am sure that all of us sort of play some sort of minor deceptive games a little here and there, but as for me I only use it to help me getting out of troubles, such as unwanted attention or responsibility (like work politics). I'll never use it for the sake of grabbing someone's attention if I'm deeply interested in them.




    Anyhow, this is how she thinks:

    "Mind games work. if you are too available--you fail. If you're too easy--you fail. You have to be a challenge. You gotta show a guy that you have a life and it doesn't revolve around him. You're desirable and attractive so act like it. You call the shots so if you act like the boss you will get what you want. Girls who do whatever the guy wants them get played, girls who boss up dont. Let him miss you. You can't achieve that without playing mind games."




    So I wonder how you think of this?
    From my experience it is the absolute truth. Any time I tried the opposite tactic I failed miserably.

  3. #13
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    I agree with polaris too.

    My question would be, why would you be too anything, in that you should have a life outside of the relationship? And if you don't have a life and are needy, it's a good wake up call to start to realign your priorities within reason. As far as being the boss, that's more personality related. If it's not your real personality, you're going to come across pretty silly.

  4. #14
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    I don't even see the point of both...attracting and mindgaming...why?

  5. #15
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    Most of the people who say they don't play mind games, are the biggest contributors.

    Unless you have some sort of prior knowledge of the person we are biologically designed to make ourselves appear as desirable as possible in X amount of time. Those who say they don't do this and are 100% themselves from the start are either delusional, very unsuccessful at dating, or trying to hide the fact that they play them.

    There is nothing wrong with trying to be presentable. Myself, personally, suck ass when I am trying to make myself appear suitable. Lol, it just makes me awkward. So I don't play any games, and I am also a failure at dating and relationships. It would be very rare that I naturally become in synch with another individual but that is fine.

    People want to be attracted and stimulated by their partner. If you are not at least somewhat interesting.....its not going to last. You can't just stay in your own bubble and own form, without getting into the mind of the person you are interacting with...and you shouldn't be encouraged to do so either.














  6. #16
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    +1 ^

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    Those who say they don't do this and are 100% themselves from the start are either delusional, very unsuccessful at dating, or trying to hide the fact that they play them.

    There is nothing wrong with trying to be presentable. Myself, personally, suck ass when I am trying to make myself appear suitable. Lol, it just makes me awkward. So I don't play any games, and I am also a failure at dating and relationships. It would be very rare that I naturally become in synch with another individual but that is fine.
    Being unsuccesful is exactly the point. I would rather choose from a few girls who are interested in me than a hundred who are interested in me because I've got the right illusion to sell. Maintaining the illusion is too damn taxing for me. Of course, I don't think this attitude is for everyone...

  8. #18
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    So because the peacock shows his feathers sometimes but not most of the time, he is being a "fake" self?

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    So because the peacock shows his feathers sometimes but not most of the time, he is being a "fake" self?
    No. Of course you are yourself even if the self you present isn't something you seem to be other times. It's not fake. And it's not a game either. But if you don't have those fancy feathers and glue them on, you are faking.

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by nolla View Post
    Being unsuccesful is exactly the point. I would rather choose from a few girls who are interested in me than a hundred who are interested in me because I've got the right illusion to sell. Maintaining the illusion is too damn taxing for me. Of course, I don't think this attitude is for everyone...
    I learned to maintain an illusion because of my previous line of work, and would NEVER EVER throw out that level of game playing in my personal life to someone I was actually interested in...however, I found that when I am attracted to a particular man if I am too foward and accessible with my feelings, it's bad. It seems quite easy to attract men, on the other hand, whom I pay no mind to, and with whom I maintain my challenging personality.

    Even in LTRs I've noticed that men tend to notice when I go away, or even intentionally ignore them.

    Quite recently I "punished" someone by refusing to talk to him, and he came around seeking me afterward. This technique also worked with my ESFJ ex.

    On the other hand, being too obviously admiring and pursuing a man openly appears to be some kind of turn off. I guess it looks bad to them, even if the real story is I'm still seeing other people. It doesn't matter if you're still maintaining your own life or even not keeping all your eggs in one basket...it just matters what it looks like, at least in the beginning.

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