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  1. #11
    Junior Member Alchemilla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iwakar View Post
    I would not advise indulging in this often. We can easily overdo this by imagining our ideal self/future over and over, but never actualizing it. Taking positive action is better.

    Also, exercising helps me when I motivate myself to do it!
    I agree, I often feel lost in fantasizing about the future. There are a lot of personality traits that can be very stressful when you don't know how to balance them - and perhaps I should extend this thread to include NFs in general.

    Part of the reason why I'm making this thread because I know that to successfully live with an illness (that is, to survive and thrive and enjoy your life rather than be swallowed up) you have to know yourself and your quirks and how you get in your own way.

    Learned helplessness happens to us all, but especially when we have to endure intense pressure for a long time (I'm sure learned helplessness is plays a large part in why my family stresses me out so much, and there are real reasons why this helplessness came about too). That's when you really have to be aware of how to walk around yourself rather than falling over yourself.

    Being too perfectionistic;
    Having too high expectations;
    Feeling "broken" on some level;
    Living in our heads too much rather than in the world;
    Not being very practical;
    Thinking about the far future rather than now or the near future.

    That's when I fall over myself. Dealing with these would be a huge stress relief, but I'm not always very good at articulating them or noticing these qualities. Or, even when I am, it helps to see other people talk about them none the less.

    That's why I thought I'd open the floor up here. Just reading the discussions and ideas helps!

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by mochajava View Post
    When you take a break, "veg out", or do nothing, what activities are those? Just curious, so I can get idea of what you find restful.
    To me, that means laying in bed and letting the mind wander. Daydreaming by the beach or anywhere else doesn't feel the same. It's just more comfortable there....like being a lazy cat.

  3. #13
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    Alchemilla,

    You mentioned in a couple of your latest posts that communications with your family are a considerable source of stress for you. Obviously, stuck at home with your illness, that kind of stress won't be a good thing.

    I would like to suggest a book, "The Lost Art of Listening," by Michael P. Nichols, PhD. The book is kind of mistitled in my opinion. It starts off demonstrating how good listening is at the basis of good communications. But in the second half of the book it goes far beyond just instructions on how to be a good listener. It has sections on how to handle difficult relationships with spouses and with parents and other family members. It tells you how to deal with things like defensiveness (both yours and theirs) and emotional overreaction (both yours and theirs). It has lots of concrete examples of bad communications and how to improve them.

    All in all, it should help you be more aware of your how you and your family communicate with each other and give you some tools for reducing the stress level. It'll also serve as an introduction to books on communication skills. If you see some promising avenues, it will point you in directions for further research and reading.

    Good luck--hope you get feeling better!

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by FineLine View Post
    Alchemilla,

    You mentioned in a couple of your latest posts that communications with your family are a considerable source of stress for you. Obviously, stuck at home with your illness, that kind of stress won't be a good thing.

    I would like to suggest a book, "The Lost Art of Listening," by Michael P. Nichols, PhD. The book is kind of mistitled in my opinion. It starts off demonstrating how good listening is at the basis of good communications. But in the second half of the book it goes far beyond just instructions on how to be a good listener. It has sections on how to handle difficult relationships with spouses and with parents and other family members. It tells you how to deal with things like defensiveness (both yours and theirs) and emotional overreaction (both yours and theirs). It has lots of concrete examples of bad communications and how to improve them.

    All in all, it should help you be more aware of your how you and your family communicate with each other and give you some tools for reducing the stress level. It'll also serve as an introduction to books on communication skills. If you see some promising avenues, it will point you in directions for further research and reading.

    Good luck--hope you get feeling better!
    +1

  5. #15
    Senior Member mochajava's Avatar
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    Alchemilla - I need to ask you a touchy-feely sounding question. What are you doing to express yourself? I am asking about things like blogging, journaling, writing, art, drawing, sketching... those things can really help. I write for a race blog, go to plays, and complain about the fact that I don't draw anymore

    Also, I really do love the podcasts like "All Songs Considered" and "Studio 360" since they expose me to things I wouldn't experience on my own. Check out Tara Brach's podcast too -- she's a wise woman and just gave an hour-long talk about dealing with the stress part (as opposed to the medical part) of chronic illness. She's a Buddhist teacher affiliated with the IMCW (insight meditation community of Washington dc)

    Being assertive - that's a long-term, not short-term goal. Learned helplessness... oh my goodness, I hear you on this one! My family was very authoritarian, so it is just something I STILL struggle with. I'd be happy to address the following more:

    Being too perfectionistic;
    Having too high expectations;
    Feeling "broken" on some level;
    Living in our heads too much rather than in the world;
    Not being very practical;
    Thinking about the far future rather than now or the near future.

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