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  1. #1
    Senior Member IEE623's Avatar
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    Default How do you deal with depression?

    I have been undergoing depression for a very long while. Nothing in my life seems to be interesting enough to pursue. No one seems to be understanding enough to lend an ear to me. Everything feels just so blah.
    And there is this great need to express myself yet I just can't seem to find a way, either written or verbally. Has any of you NFs experienced this? How did you overcome it without using any kind of drugs?

    Any thoughts or advices would be helpful.
    "Adversity makes men, and prosperity makes monsters"

  2. #2
    Member The Machine Stops's Avatar
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    I asked the why question, and went about addressing the issue that I found there. Easier said than done. Needing help with that process, there is no shame in that.

    To be more specific, I fell into a depression after my daughter died. Having a child was my greatest wish. I did not know she existed until months after she was born, and shortly after what I would call the happiest moment of my life, I found out she had shortly after birth died. There was this instant though, right after I found out she existed, this person that was of me, that unconditional love hit me like a lighting bolt. I wasn't entirely sure what kind of parent I would be until that moment. How I would develop a relationship to a child. The intensity and the immediacy of the bond took me very much by surprise. I would have done anything for her..........

    *takes deep breath*

    The grief that followed was new to my experience. Daunting in its size. I was a mere ant before a mountain of pain that I knew I would have to work through, but I just couldn't. Any time my mind would turn into that direction a fuse would blow and I would emotionally detach. A tear, maybe two, before complete numbness hit me. Depression set in and continuned for months. I withdrew, from the people I loved, who had no way to support me, did not know what to do. Every responsibility and every demand made on me was unbearable weight added to my distress.

    Practical steps that I took in managing to overcome this mountain was writing a letter to my daughter, explaining to her how I felt. Apologizing for not having been there. Talking to other grieving parents, and finally, realizing that I held on to my pain because it was the only thing that I had of her, the only thing I could hold to me with the love I felt, I visited the site where her ashes had been scattered. Having a place now, a tactile memory, to hold on to, I was ready to let myself be steamrolled by that mountain of pain and simply shatter under the weight of it. Really, truly, shatter. Quite the experience. I didn't fall quite as deep, but I now know very well what makes a wounded soldier, dying, cry out for his mother. This lasted a week, or two, a state of complete helplessness and pain which I vomited forth like poison, before my defenses rebuilt themselves, and as they did, the joy for life began to have a heartbeat of its own within me again.

    Depression over. Life goes on. A few more scars to mark passage of time, nothing more.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Santosha's Avatar
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    Honestly, I think N's might be more prone to depression in general. When the reality of the tangible world is incongruent with the way we think it could be, should be, etc... when the reality of ourselves is incongruent with the way we think we could be, should be, etc... depression can occur. Depression can also occur when traumatic things happen.. but I think this is slightly different than being prone to it.

    Depression can really sneak up on you if your not careful. Its not like one day everything is wonderful and the next day you can't get out of bed. I really think it has layers. THe important thing is to catch yourself before it gets out of hand. If it has gotten out of hand, catch yourself before it gets even worse, before you fall into the next layer.

    1) If you are just starting to notice it.. a slight apathy, discontent, disconnect.. look at it hard. Think back to the times you were happy and ask yourself what has changed. Try to pinpoint exactly what is throwing you off. If you can pinpoint it, change it. You don't always have to change it for the better, sometimes a simple change can do wonders (in Ne land).

    2) If you cant pinpoint it.. EXERCISE. I hate how cliche it sounds, but it is so fucking true. The chemical process your body undergoes when your running, swimming, etc. is profound. Every single time I've been really dark, if I force myself to exercise.. I ALWAYS feel better after about an hour. I couldn't even tell you how many times I've put on some good tunes and practically killed myself against a treadmill or efx. Broke? make yourself jog around the block a few times. Make sure you are drinking alot of water every day, getting enough sun and taking vitamins. These things alone might not fix it.. but they will make it better. Its proven that people that engage with the natural enviroment suffer less depression.

    3) Force yourself to do those things that used to make you happy, but no longer do. If you used to go to coffe every sunday morning and bullshit with friends.. do it. do it even if you dont want to and have to force yourself. I've noticed that no matter how shitty i'm feeling.. those feelings will subside after i get hanging with my friends for a while. Try to let go of yourself and just be in that moment.. no other thoughts.. just that moment. Get silly, get stupid, and laugh. If you can't laugh.. your taking it too serious.

    4) Are you Ne dom? If so.. here is something I've personally noticed in myself. A higher than average need to be entertained. A higher than average need to do new things. A higher than average need to meet new people, see new places, eat new food, find a new tangent, etc. Sometimes I think Ne's are almost insatiable. Remember the cookie monster? We are like cookie monsters but we are "new idea" monsters". AAAAAAGH! New idea new idea new idea!!!
    But I think this is only when Ne has run a muck. When balanced with Fi.. You should be able to identify things you not only like.. but want to dig into further. By digging in further you begin to see a world you didn't see before.. and its better than the shiney surface goodies that initially attract.

    5) Look at the ways you want to express yourself. Creatively? Artistically? Try something simple. If your depressed your probably not going to operate at that amazingly inspiratinal level you could.. so don't go into it looking for validation and glory.. go into it with only the expectation that you express yourself. IF you write a poem.. don't ask if its good.. ask if its true. Same with sculpting, or painting, or whatever you decide to create. Never ask if its good, ask if you accurately expressed yourself. The more you express, the better you will become.. the better quality your expressions will take.

    6) Most importantly.. if you do anything, anything at all... GET THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR HEAD. I am not kidding. Find a way to do it. Its helped me every. single. time.

    Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts

  4. #4
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear about your pain, The Machine Stops.


    @OP, not a NF buuuuut...

    Check out this thread http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...rior-enps.html see if it gives you any insight into your motivations. Understand them and you may find answers.

    If you have depression, you've tried pulling yourself out of it and haven't been able to then you will need help outside of yourself. Seek it. What's right for you depends on why you're depressed.

    Plus of course all the practical things like avoiding stimulants, eating healthy, sleeping regular hours, getting exercise and all that.

  5. #5
    Senior Member IEE623's Avatar
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    Thank you so much for all the replies. I greatly appreciate all your sharing and advice.

    I "was" an ENFP and somehow turned very introverted along with my depression. All I do is self-indulgence which is something I'm not very proud of. I started isolating myself with the world and gradually losing touch with all my friends. The thread Kasper suggested gave me quite a few insights, there was so much I could relate to. Maybe I'll try to write like Machine Stops to my source of depression and do some practical things like working out as Huxley said.

    Again, thank you Machine Stops, Huxley and Kasper.
    "Adversity makes men, and prosperity makes monsters"

  6. #6
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    As an extrovert who has had fun with depression and isolated myself because of it, my advice in that respect is get out of your home, you don't have to interact with people if you're not up to it, I understand that's usually the last thing you want, but even just sitting in a cafe reading is better for you than being at home, it will energise you. One of the hardest things to do when depression is clouding your mind is to think clearly, you have to help yourself as much as you can in that regard and working with your extroversion is one way to do that.

    Good luck.

  7. #7
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    The way to deal with depression is by not letting the depression deal with you.

    Easier said than done though for most people, I heard. x)
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  8. #8
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  9. #9
    morose bourgeoisie
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    Quote Originally Posted by Within View Post
    Thank you. that is so...helpful. Clearly you have a deep understanding of the problem.

  10. #10
    Senior Member BAJ's Avatar
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    Oh, I'm quite depressed. Mine has a different flavor; more like I have lots of suicidal thoughts but still enjoy my food or certain things. I need more rest, less stress, and probably people. In my case energy does not equal people, but I need people.

    I've had many hospitalizations for depression, and they tried all kinds of drugs. I could go get drugs right now (anti-depressant from my doctor), but I don't like it.

    I'm about to turn 40, apparently tomorrow. I have creditors making threats. I have major challenges at work, and I'm getting more and irritable...especially towards my employer. I don't know what's going to happen. Will the creditors sue? Will I be fired or quit? There are many nuances to these speculations. There are many sub-plots.

    One might say I was born depressed, or that my childhood atmosphere with a sort of alcoholic ISTJ father was excellent for INFP boy to be depressed.

    I can't really summarize how I've dealt with depression in a true sense. I read lots of spiritual books, for example: "Awareness: The perils and opportunities of reality". I use 12 step principles and slogans. I've used faith. There are all kinds of things.

    Recently I discovered or came to understand an existentialist feedback loop. I started to really luxuriate in the notion of nihilist argument and the act of suicide itself. I even go back everywhere in time trying to intensify the feelings. I call this "the sauna". Once I reach the point where I think suicide is possible, there is a release where my problems don't matter because I'm "dead" already. Then I enjoy this feeling. It is sort of an "unbearable lightness of being"; I just continue to live.

    Yet, much of the time, I can't do the sauna, just like you can't get around to doing a regular sauna. In other times, procrastination helps. I'm like, "Eh...I'll kill myself tomorrow. Right now I want to watch this movie." I just keep doing that, while I flank the problems with mysticism or venting to a therapy level person.


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