Warning: some bitterness and moaning coming up
I sometimes feel as though showing a calm exterior, seeming competence, apparent laid-backness, etc - all of which I partly attribute to being INFJ - can have some unpleasant consequences.
For want of a better way to put it - because I tend to come across with the above, I feel that I sometimes (often?) get taken advantage of or overlooked, or people assume I'm ok. People tend to think that I'm pretty tough, I'm happy with most situations, I can accept most of what is dished out to me, I don't care if others control the situation entirely even if it is unfair and to my disadvantage...and so on. And for a lot of things, that is probably true.
But - I can become resentful when I see people who come across as difficult, drama-prone, high-maintenance, highly touchy, etc, get a lot more help and attention. With the exception of some discerning close friends who may notice all is not well with me, or with whom I feel comfortable talking about it, it seems as though with others I'd have to fall down on the floor bleeding and screaming before they'd be concerned or think that maybe I'm not quite as tough as I look.
It occasionally make me want to have some sort of crisis just to see if I'd have people flocking around me. But I don't think it's in the INFJ nature - certainly not in mine - to throw a hissy fit or to generate drama to get attention...but is that what it takes?
Incidents or comments come to mind like:
-people assuming that "laid back" (which I genuinely am about a lot of things, and which people generally like) also means "doesn't care" or "lacking passion" (though really that would just go to show how little someone knows me);
-my ex-boyfriend telling me when he broke up with me that he was sure we could be friends again because I was soooo special and unique and he was sure I was capable of it (so I was supposed to accommodate to what he wanted out of the situation, ie. be friends with him on his terms but not be the girlfriend any more - this after telling me repeatedly that I hadn't made him as happy as his ex had done);
-men frequently not being interested because I look "together" (translation, I don't need them? One assumes so when they then choose partners with a great many issues)
-"friends" assuming that they can call on me for practical favours, for free therapy, sucking me dry emotionally etc, but not being willing to put themselves out there for me, or even to include me in their social lives;
Etc. I have also been thinking about my INFJ friend in Japan. She is Canadian but is married to a Japanese guy and has lived there for several years. THey are well away from the earthquake area but I worry about her. She certainly has friends whose friends and family are affected. She really, really takes things on board emotionally and is feeling quite exhausted, I know. She has said in the past that she gets told how "strong" she is and how "outgoing" and that this can be frustrating because the reality is somewhat different. Not that those things are totally untrue, but the interior is more sensitive, fragile, emotionally suggestible, easily hurt etc. In fact, when I visited them a few months ago I was sad and concerned to hear that the previous winter she'd obviously been suffering quite badly from depression and virtually no one knew about it, and she felt like she couldn't talk to her husband about it because he wouldn't understand.
It just ends up feeling like, people will compliment you for being laid back, strong, resilient, adaptable, etc etc but what are the actual advantages? It just seems to be assumed that you will accept whatever is handed to you, however YOU may feel about it, and you won't get checked up on much.
Anyone else hear me on all this? Are there solutions - to ward off these situations and perceptions, or to reduce resentment?