I think maybe my 'process' is now considerably shorter than it was in my 20's, at least... kind of to your point of all of it bing 'entirely unnecessary' in some instances. So I think as a result I end up nipping a lot of the relationships which have dynamics that I ultimately don't want, much earlier on.
It's interesting, I think when younger I was more like I am today. [Funny tangent, an xNTJ friend I've known for 15 yrs was telling me over the weekend that she thinks we all eventually just revert back to our junior-high self by our 30's... in the sense that in our 20's we might go off and explore and also deny/question part of our identities, and also balancing things out/incorporating other things means we have to figure out HOW to incorporate these other layers into our original and be at peace with all of it... but by our 30's we're once again embracing our core selves, but this time around are *comfortable*/secure in it, with added nuances. And, well, for myself and her at least, it's true. ]
It was just an in-between stage in my 20's where I was more as described in the OP, maybe - trying to reconcile and make sense of that Balance, I suppose, and also experiencing relationships of which I really didn't care for some of the dynamics. I guess today I'm really really happy with the types of relationships I have created and am creating, and am I think better at knowing from the get-go what my needs/desires are in terms of that, so as to build on those positive & mutually beneficial/nurturing ones, while weeding out the negative ones (ones I know that I'm not wanting in the long run). I do think it's important to note though that I rarely hold animosity towards anyone that I don't end up wanting relationships with, so I don't think they're horrible people or anything - it's more that I know the Relationship Itself - the combo of us two together - is not what I'm wanting (or even what they'd be wanting).