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  1. #11
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    I don't need to be emotionally understood and "tended to" on a deep level, and I only open up enough for that to effectively take place but once in a blue moon to a very special individual. My vulnerable emotions are, for a P, very serious and they were formed rather solidly.. that is what makes them deep, whereas my feelings for everyone else are still very meaningful, but they can come and go.. they are not solid and I would not be surprised if something happened that made me change them.. however.. were something to happen that forced me to change my feelings about a person that I cared very much for.. I would be quite disappointed and sad. What emotions I do have for people (deep or "shallow", which is not meant to be taken as superficial.. just not a very deep feeling) I prefer to show by being receptive of them, their feelings and ideas.. I am not very comfortable being expressive of my feelings, so I show them in that way. I do not hold back in that regard.

  2. #12
    Procrastinating
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    If it is not too personal, around what age did this happen for you?
    I wish I could give you a short answer but I cannot tell a lie. It would have been around 40 but I married a man who's daughter was crap for a mother and had to raise her kids.... plus had step-kids and X-wife to deal with. The kiddo's mother was into emotional blackmail and I had to bow to her wishes... and I had to deal with alot in the stepkids and X for hubbie's sake. Anyway, because of all that, I delayed it until 5 years ago... no more reason to keep up the front and everyone was in shock.

    Okay... so short answer is around 38 to 45. I was, in fact, doing it to a degree when I met hubby.

  3. #13
    heart on fire
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    Quote Originally Posted by Seanan View Post
    I wish I could give you a short answer but I cannot tell a lie. It would have been around 40 but I married a man who's daughter was crap for a mother and had to raise her kids.... plus had step-kids and X-wife to deal with. The kiddo's mother was into emotional blackmail and I had to bow to her wishes... and I had to deal with alot in the stepkids and X for hubbie's sake. Anyway, because of all that, I delayed it until 5 years ago... no more reason to keep up the front and everyone was in shock.

    Okay... so short answer is around 38 to 45. I was, in fact, doing it to a degree when I met hubby.
    Emotional blackmail is one of the worst things to deal with in others. It is easier when people are just flat out evil and mean, but when it goes underground...ugh.

    I think part of my transformation was when I started getting sick then and everyone was snipping and snarling at me over it and I just didn't have the energy for dealing with it all "nicely" and so I basically said "I am not going to take this &*^% anymore!"

    It takes a lot of energy to suppress and to be "nice" to those who don't deserve it, I just didn't have to spare anymore.

    Also the deaths of people close to me have convinced me that it is now or never, better to express the positives to others than to not because one just never knows how long one will have to do so.

  4. #14
    Senior Member TenebrousReflection's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    For INFP and ENFP and (ESFP and ISFP if there are any here):

    How much emotion and vulnerbility do you show others?


    Do you think you show your truest self outwards or is this somewhat hard for you to do? Is there a inner self that would greatly suprise others around you?

    Thank you in advance for your input.
    I've touched on this in other threads, but its interesting to see it as its own topic...

    For most of my life, I did not really know who I was, and even when I tried to understand myself I just came to the conclusion that "I'm different" and "don't think like everybody else" so I adapted to that by keeping most things inside and trying to find ways I could fit in without trying too much to be things I clearly was not. As a result of that, most people that have known me for any length of time (family and longtime friends) see only certain sides of me (not emotionless, but terms like cautious and reserved would fit well), and I do believe most of them would be surprised and confused if they understood the real me.

    For those that I think may be understanding/tolerant, I've been trying to think of subtle (and sometimes less subtle) ways to give hints to them that there is a side of me they may not know exists in hopes that it may lead to more interesting and meaningful conversations with them.

    When dealing with strangers that have no connection to existing friends, acquaintances or family, I find I can be a lot more open with them (vulnerability), but I still need to have a sense that the person I'm talking to would understand me and what I have to say, and I'm still not very emotionally expressive in any situation where I don't have near complete trust of the person I'm talking to (and pretty much has to be a one to one situation too). I think I do a better job showing emotion through written word than I do expressing it in person, at least it feels more comfortable to me to try to express things in writing than through speaking, so I think I'm a lot more emotionally open on forums and e-mail than I am in person.

    When trying to meet new people and make new friends or acquaintances (strangers that I expect to see and talk to again). I'm somewhere in between, I'm still cautious, but I try to be receptive to questions and let the others set the pace for getting to know me and am fairly open, but only about things that I'm asked about. I also try to be a bit more emotionally expressive in those environments, but its something I've suppressed/repressed for so many years, sometimes I still feel a lot more rigid than I'd like to be.

  5. #15
    Resident Snot-Nose GZA's Avatar
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    Yah, I don't show a lot to the outside world. I've always thought it was just because its an introverted function. I've shown people BTI before and they thought I was T but I said no, I'm F. Its hard to show it without totally crying and stuff. Its like a levee, you either don't show it, or you break and the waters come flooding out. Kind of sad how its hard to show emotion to other people and they don't beleive you even though its the core of your being.
    Last edited by GZA; 03-15-2008 at 01:41 PM.

  6. #16
    almost nekkid scantilyclad's Avatar
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    I don't show my truest self outwards at all. My family tends to think i am very cold and distant, which isn't really the case. I can only truly be myself around people i trust and am comfortable with. I just can't show a lot of emotion around people that i don't know. I know that if my family actually knew i was sweet and loving they would be really shocked. My nickname is Grumpy, and that truly doesn't represent who i am on the inside.
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  7. #17
    To the top of the world arcticangel02's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nameless View Post
    I feel like i'm being sincere all the time, but I do keep the emotional feelings in a box in the corner a lot. Sometimes I will let them leak out a little bit, and if people seem to think it's weird or are not able to take it or I feel like it would make me a little vulnerable, then I'll quickly turn it into a joke or whatever to erase them and make people forget about it.

    With someone I am romantically involved with, there's always a period where I have to figure out if I can trust them with it, because it's a sort of all-or-nothing kind of uncontrollable thing. Easy to keep in the box, but once it's let out, it's too much for some people to handle. If that makes sense.

    Yes, I think I do this - I let bits of myself out all the time, but if those around me don't respond well, I'm very adept at making a joke out of it or some other way of trivialising it, so that they don't think I'm 'wierd'.

    I let it out often enough that if I'm required to spend a lot of time around someone who doesn't 'get' me, their continual lack of response makes me feel a bit . And I do tend to close up a little around people like that.
    ANFP:
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  8. #18
    Senior Member Nameless's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TenebrousReflection View Post


    When trying to meet new people and make new friends or acquaintances (strangers that I expect to see and talk to again). I'm somewhere in between, I'm still cautious, but I try to be receptive to questions and let the others set the pace for getting to know me and am fairly open, but only about things that I'm asked about. I also try to be a bit more emotionally expressive in those environments, but its something I've suppressed/repressed for so many years, sometimes I still feel a lot more rigid than I'd like to be.
    I do this also, because everyone likes to hear about themselves and to hear themselves talk, so I assume they don't want to hear about me until they ask, and this way I know they really want to know, because the worst thing for me is seeing that someone is just waiting for me to stop talking so that they can talk...

  9. #19
    Senior Member Nameless's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by arcticangel02 View Post
    I let it out often enough that if I'm required to spend a lot of time around someone who doesn't 'get' me, their continual lack of response makes me feel a bit . And I do tend to close up a little around people like that.
    yeah, I totally know what you mean...and if you spend more time around them, it gets worse, because the more you close up, the harder it is for them to get you, and the worse their guesses are about you when they try to say what you're like, so then you feel like they get you even less and you close up even more and just feel awkward, haha. or, by you I mean me.

    Also, awesome that you're from Australia! I really like it there...

  10. #20
    Senior Member alcea rosea's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    For INFP and ENFP and (ESFP and ISFP if there are any here):

    How much emotion and vulnerbility do you show others?

    Do you think you show your truest self outwards or is this somewhat hard for you to do? Is there a inner self that would greatly suprise others around you?

    Thank you in advance for your input.
    I wish I wouldn't show any. I hate when people see me vulnerable. I wish I could hide all my emotions and be cold outside. I have always tried to hide my very strong Fi and develop the Te. That's why my Te is quite well develop but still it cannot overpower the Fi because it's impossible. I was born very emotional and I will die very emotional. *sigh*

    These days my good mood shows and my bad mood shows but I do not show really deep feelings like hurt or pain to other people because I'm afraid they would take advantage of it.

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