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  1. #1
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    Default ENFJ Communication/ how not to annoy them?

    Hi there guys. New INFP here. I have a multi-part question for you ENFJs out there:
    how do you feel about online dating? are you idealist enough to entertain a relationship with someone who lives far away, if there's potential that person may move to your town for a job? would distance affect your communication with that person, i.e., out of sight, out of mind and cause you to lose interest?
    Also, my INFPishness sometimes means that my communications are a bit meandering and sometimes have typos (not b/c I don't know how to spell a word/don't care, but rather b/c I just get so excited to be expressing myself in the moment with someone I feel "gets" me that I just hit "send" w/o proofreading. is that annoying to you "J" types? or do you like our free-spirited spontaneity? sorry for all the questions and please feel free to ask me something about INFPs if you like. thanks in advance!

  2. #2
    Member Ethelred the Unready's Avatar
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    For me personally an online relationship wouldn't work. What I mean is I wouldn't mind chatting and having a sort of 'online friendship' but not a relationship. I need a direct contact with another person, I need to be able to talk to them face-to-face, to hear their voice, to see their expressions - they're essential for me to be able to communicate with someone. If the only contact would be online I could engage in a light-hearted banter, but I could never trust this person enough to reveal anything of any importance about myself or consider a relationship. If that person moved to my town and we met and 'clicked' (and assuming I was single) - then who knows, a relationship could happen. But online - no way. But that's just my opinion.

    As for typos - I sure notice them, but wouldn't go as far as to say they annoy me. Besides, we all make mistakes

    Hope any of this helps.
    We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull; some have weird names and all are different colours, but they all have to live in the same box.

  3. #3
    Senior Member syndatha's Avatar
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    I've tried long distance relationships before, and I'm unable to stay in those warm feelings for more than 2-3 months. Then I check out the local market, to be honest

    OK, with my current partner, I would really have made an effort - but I would probably not have let it happen. We have kids, so I would not accept him being away for any long period of time in the first place. Not without being allowed to cheat at least - for both of us. I don't want to make promises I cannot keep

    Not a big fan of typos - it's not attractive in a partner (for me). But the long distance would be the deal braker for me, not the typos

  4. #4
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    Thank you for the responses! I guess I'm just a little confused. At first, he seemed really enthusiastic about starting something and seemed pretty in to me, I even suspect he "google stalked" :P me, as he brought up random subjects to me that related to info available on the internet about me (not in a creepy way--it was subtle and charming) He mentioned he'd likely vacation in my town & asked to get together when he was in the Denver area & I told him I was really busy with work and probably couldn't meet up (I am in sales and travel a lot for work and am out of the area for the dates he said he's visiting) and haven't really heard much since. (so I guess that's why I'm over-analyzing everything--b/c I can't figure out why he stopped talking to me). I really didn't mean it as a rejection, it's just that 1-I really don't like to make plans--it scares and overwhelms me, especially if I really like someone (INFP), and 2-I would hate it if he had an expectation to meet up and was disappointed to be out here for his vacation and I wasn't available--just seems better to let him know beforehand what my travel schedule is for work. So I'm confused as to whether he's lost interest b/c I can't meet up during his vacation, so he figures there's no immediate plans to meet up so why bother??? (he knows I may eventually be transferred with my company to his town), or he feels rejected b/c I can't meet him??? any thoughts? anything I can do to remedy this situation? I'm interested in this guy, I just find it impossible to show it and don't want to put myself out there if he's lost interest and doesn't want to hear from me again! thanks

  5. #5
    Senior Member syndatha's Avatar
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    Of course he googled you! I know I would
    It's hard to know what happened without asking him, but my guess is that something else caught his attention (being an E).
    Have you tried to contact him again, or are you just waiting for him to respond?
    I think the best way to find out is to meet him IRL - because you never have, right?

  6. #6
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    Thank you for your responses! You guys were right in your assessment of the situation!! He got back to me today and apologized, said he'd been distracted with other stuff. He suggested we meet up out here later in the spring when my work demands ease up. He's still--I don't know--"manipulating" the conversation with tidbits of stuff he saw about me online, which is kind of funny b/c I know what he's doing, but I'm also wondering if that's an indicator he's not a very genuine person? Or is it an indicator he's manipulative and insincere in other ways I should watch out for? I'm just not sure I understand the motive behind that instead of just having a conversation naturally. thoughts??

  7. #7
    Senior Member syndatha's Avatar
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    He's into you

  8. #8
    Glycerine
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    Go with your gut.

  9. #9
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    general discovery from NFP perspective - don't immediately worry when NFJs withdraw. i always do. when it's with a crush or SO, i totally panic. then i almost always find out there was little reason for me to have freaked out... the NFJ was just busy or something... it's when they're overtly cold to you that you should be worried.

  10. #10
    Senior Member syndatha's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    general discovery from NFP perspective - don't immediately worry when NFJs withdraw. i always do. when it's with a crush or SO, i totally panic. then i almost always find out there was little reason for me to have freaked out... the NFJ was just busy or something... it's when they're overtly cold to you that you should be worried.
    This rings very true to me

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