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  1. #1
    Senior Member Uytuun's Avatar
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    Default Feeling Like You've Let NFPs Down

    I end up feeling like that a lot with NFPs. Both in romantic situations and in friendship there seems to be something, you have an obvious attraction or you grow closer and then it just sort of seems to stop - there is no explanation, they just start distancing themselves. To me it feels like I've done something to let them down somehow (and I can think of one concrete thing that might have caused one of them to back off in hindsight and taking idiosyncratic Fi into account, but maybe that wasn't even it). It's possible that they just started to forget about me, but I don't think that's it, because you don't just not respond to people you've merely forgotten about when they engage you again, right?

    Does that resonate with the NFPs on here? Insights?

  2. #2
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Uytuun do you feel these NFPs are 'actively' distancing themselves as in they know what they are doing? I actually cannot speak for INFPs in this regard because it may be a bit different...but I know for me and for my ENFP friends...we can become distant and truly not even know. And in this way it should not be taken as a negative sign. However, I am not so sure this is what you are referring too. Your last sentence I didn't really understand. Will you please explain?

    EDIT: whoops...2nd to last sentence. Or last sentence in 1st paragraph.

  3. #3
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    See my room mates an ENFP and she's been distancing her self, I feel better knowing that it's probably nothing negative. Or is it, I really don't know I'm just confused and cold and my hearts pounding and I need sleep but I have to pull an all nighter.

    sorry, I wish I was a genius right now plus 2 hours of sleep last night and not real sleep even, sleep that i forced myself into while on aderall after i started freaking out.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  4. #4
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Hey prplchknz, in my experience ENFPs can distance themselves knowingly and unknowingly. And yes...even when they are knowingly distancing themselves it is not necessarily a negative sign. Like...just being 'stressed-out' with work or school or whathaveyou...could be reason enough for your ENFP roommate to be distancing herself. At least for me...when I am stressed-out for an extended period of time...I become even more scatterbrained then I am normally am (which is A LOT). In these cases I just need to drop so many things until I can get my head straight again. And sometimes I drop those closest to me because I trust them the most.

  5. #5
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    Sometimes.. people become so shiny and new to me, that it is like finding a whole other world. Like I discovered a cave, with treasures all over the place, and so I'm always exploring it... looking for the treasures. I'm involved in it, and active, and enjoying the things I find.

    Three things start to emerge after a while that all sort of collide into one giant, and sudden, withdrawal of that awesome place. The first being that something in life comes up and reminds me I have other focuses as well. Like, I am neglecting my long-time friends to discover more about my new one, or that school becomes a priority again, etc. The second, is that I overthink things... so I start to think maybe I am annoying them.. or making them open themselves up too much.. some people do not like that. I think maybe they are being polite because they know I don't mean harm to them, but x or y or z... My overthinking of this makes me pull back some. The third thing is sometimes when I am interested in a person like this, they mistake it for my being interested in a relationship with them if it is the opposite sex. Sometimes this is true... but many times it is not the case at all.. so I have to pull away and realize that they could be taking my curiosity the wrong way, and so I treat them like my other long-standing friends to hopefully ensure they get the correct message or do some damage control if they did get the wrong message. There is a fourth thing from time to time that happens--another world opens up. I find another door to a different cave that has other treasures.. and much like the last one I explored, for a while at least, I am always exploring the newer cave for treasure. In cases like this, it is temporary.. I am sure to re-visit the older caves and enjoy them just as much as I did before when I was always there.

    I don't know how much this helps, I can only speak for myself..
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  6. #6
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    I think my issue is and it's a solely personal one. Is I sometimes become background and afterthought so people forget about my existence. I remember as a kid people saying that they forgot I was in the room, I guess I don't have a demanding presence or something.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  7. #7
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    I think my issue is and it's a solely personal one. Is I sometimes become background and afterthought so people forget about my existence. I remember as a kid people saying that they forgot I was in the room, I guess I don't have a demanding presence or something.
    What?? LOL. Okay...I guess people maybe come across differently on a forum then they do irl...but I couldn't even imagine forgetting you were in a room. You have such a stand-out, authentic personality to me - I love it. But okay...there have been times in my life when I am so scattered that I do become dependant on other people reaching out to me...or grabbing the sides of my head saying 'focus, focus...hey remember me?'

  8. #8
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    maybe they idealized you and everything you guys did much and went with that idealized picture of the world, then noticed how it actually is and didnt see it as so special anymore?

    and im not saying this like it wasnt special or that you are lacking something, its just that they might have really unrealistic view on whats happening before Te kicks in. and they might not understand that it is the reality and past was just an idealization of the reality, but they just see that something has changed and its not as good as it used to be. luckily some of the more mature ones has gotten over this.

    im sure that it will feel to you like you let them down if this happens, but its actually the world and their unrealistic view on things that let them down.
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

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  9. #9
    Senior Member Soar337's Avatar
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    I quite often feel that either haven't connected deeply enough with said person or that they don't dream of the same extremely close and lasting friendship that I want to develop between us, even if it feels like an unrealistic hope if I sense that the person doesn't value this type of friendship/doesn't need it or simply doesn't want it then i'll step back a bit, either waiting for them, or to continue keeping the relationship nice but on the surface. I hope this makes sense?
    <3

  10. #10
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Never felt like that, seriously.

    Never felt like I had left anyone down. How is that possible anyways ? I mean if I never have hzelped him up I cant let him down can I ?
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

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