[MBTI General] Feeling Like You've Let NFPs Down

[KDude]

You girls at getting me hot. Whew!

/banter..

Not sure if it's Fe. Seems more like Pe-ness.

 

[Oberon]

Why, I don't purport to tact? We're talking about Marm.

As has been pointed out, I was observing that you are occasionally less than tactful... but the really delicous part was noting that "...no doubt, tact isn't your thing" is a downright tactless thing to say.

I like you, J, but this was too good to pass up.

 

[Coriolis]

I don't consider it emotionally retarded, I consider it having different preferences. And it's something I find myself doing in order to figure out what the right comfort level for everyone involved is, so we can relax and enjoy each other instead of going back and forward being butthurt and misunderstanding each others intentions. I enjoy a lot of intensity, but I've found many do not. So I check, before I go there.

Satine: I hope you are at least still checking this thread. I have been swamped at work, and just now having a chance to post. Your behind-the-scenes description of this process has been fascinating and enlightening. I know only one identified ENFP at all well IRL, and her behavior is consistent with what you write here. She has even mentioned certain aspects of it herself, namely the part about sensing what each person is comfortable with, and even how far she can push the boundaries without really offending them or losing their trust/regard. I appreciate this about her. Far from feeling manipulated, I am glad she has this skill and is willing to expend her energy on me. I feel safe in her company, even when what she is saying or doing seems outlandish or incomprehensible. She helps me push the envelope of my own boundaries without causing me to feel out of control or inauthentic, and that is a rare ability, indeed. She is also one of the few people with whom I can share real intensity, each in our own way. We have each expressed how much we enjoy being able to say and share absolutely anything with the other, which is also rare.

 

[Coriolis]

Which is what I (and Satine) were referring to many posts ago about NTJs dishing it out but not being able to take it.

What exactly is "it"???

 

[Thalassa]

Abrasive condescending self-congratulatory baiting bullshit.

Of course, not all NTJs are this way...some are perfectly lovely.

 

[Emectar]

Honestly, I find that line of thinking a little offensive...in the sense that I guess I get the impression that it requires the INTJ to be a little emotionally retarded and it puts you in a position that both caters to them excessively and controls them.



Interesting - it would explain why they reacted that way with regard to me when they remain (perhaps more superficially) connected to other people. I do get the impression that the push was proportional to the initial pull.

I can relate to the being ashamed about getting excited about a person who then turns out a little different than expected. Wonder if these relationships can be healed (or images synchronised) once the INTJ has come crashing down from the pedestal.

At least in my experience it can be healed. Once i've backed off, after a decent bit of time, i start to notice the qualities that got me so excited in the first place, but this time i come in grounded. It helps if the INTJ gives me some space during this time period to realize i miss them.