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  1. #41
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    I adjust to whom I'm talking to IRL. I'm quite expert at it, and it's a matter of playing E3 roles, I think, as I've recently discovered. I play those roles because it's practical (Te) and it has some value to me (Fi).

    But when I'm being myself, I flat out refuse, unless I love the person or have a reason to care.

  2. #42
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    Also, I pride myself on not taking any shit, and so do my family members, I mean they expect that of me as well. That's an Fi value.

  3. #43
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    That totally resonates with me, though at least from my point of view, it's nothing the INTJ did, and more of my own problem.

    for whatever reason, (ive had this happen at different points in my life with 3 different intjs now), i often find myself in total admiration of INTJs i meet.
    As this goes on and on, i look up to them more and more, and all of a sudden, i get something of a reality check and realize that as awesome as they are, i've put them on a pedastal and thought of them way too highly. And then i sort of withdraw, ashamed that i got so excited without quite understanding them first.

  4. #44
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    ^ that happens to me more with fellow NFPs..I feel so understood at first that the initial click tempts me to make assumptions on how things will progress, only to disappoint me
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





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  5. #45
    Senior Member Uytuun's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Satine View Post
    Meh, your choice, I've found it to be adorable. I also test their limits for intensity by deliberatly going over the line, only to flake on them, and return while bantering about. It seems to break the tension and allows them to adjust to it and allows me to gauge which are hard lines which I'll respect and which ones are open to expansion...
    Honestly, I find that line of thinking a little offensive...in the sense that I guess I get the impression that it requires the INTJ to be a little emotionally retarded and it puts you in a position that both caters to them excessively and controls them.

    Quote Originally Posted by Emectar View Post
    That totally resonates with me, though at least from my point of view, it's nothing the INTJ did, and more of my own problem.

    for whatever reason, (ive had this happen at different points in my life with 3 different intjs now), i often find myself in total admiration of INTJs i meet.
    As this goes on and on, i look up to them more and more, and all of a sudden, i get something of a reality check and realize that as awesome as they are, i've put them on a pedastal and thought of them way too highly. And then i sort of withdraw, ashamed that i got so excited without quite understanding them first.
    Interesting - it would explain why they reacted that way with regard to me when they remain (perhaps more superficially) connected to other people. I do get the impression that the push was proportional to the initial pull.

    I can relate to the being ashamed about getting excited about a person who then turns out a little different than expected. Wonder if these relationships can be healed (or images synchronised) once the INTJ has come crashing down from the pedestal.

  6. #46
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uytuun View Post
    Honestly, I find that line of thinking a little offensive...in the sense that I guess I get the impression that it requires the INTJ to be a little emotionally retarded and it puts you in a position that both caters to them excessively and controls them.
    I don't consider it emotionally retarded, I consider it having different preferences. And it's something I find myself doing in order to figure out what the right comfort level for everyone involved is, so we can relax and enjoy each other instead of going back and forward being butthurt and misunderstanding each others intentions. I enjoy a lot of intensity, but I've found many do not. So I check, before I go there.
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  7. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uytuun View Post
    Honestly, I find that line of thinking a little offensive...in the sense that I guess I get the impression that it requires the INTJ to be a little emotionally retarded and it puts you in a position that both caters to them excessively and controls them.
    I agree, and to some extent it's true. That's what I meant when I said when I witness what she does it looks like Fe "handling" or feels like manipulation or ass-kissing to me, because the way that NTJs fall for it is almost pathetic. They're like "ow, you're so nice!" And she is nice...but they're being manipulated, it reminds me of dogs being led around by a bone. It gives me kind of a nauseated feeling, especially since they're adults, and often behaving badly when she feels a need to do this, so I feel like picking up a mirror and showing them reality. That's what Fi means to me. Getting real.

    Thing is, they don't really want you to be real, they want you to submit to their desires. Yes/no? Do you prefer a woman who challenges you or one who agrees with you or who is more pliant?

    I've seen numerous INTJs admit things like they'd rather be with an ISFP who is less inclined to argue with them, or even flat out declare that women should be demure.

    She's just giving you guys what she thinks you want (and it appears to be the case!), but to me, it makes my skin crawl.



    Interesting - it would explain why they reacted that way with regard to me when they remain (perhaps more superficially) connected to other people. I do get the impression that the push was proportional to the initial pull.

    I can relate to the being ashamed about getting excited about a person who then turns out a little different than expected. Wonder if these relationships can be healed (or images synchronised) once the INTJ has come crashing down from the pedestal.
    I've had troubles with INTJs putting me on a pedastal as well, and yes they, collectively, have disappointed my idealized image of them.

    Also, it's really an individual thing...you know, in the end, all NTJs and NFPs are not the same, there are just generalizations based upon group observations of the types.

  8. #48
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    It's kind of unfair to crap all over Satine. Being authentic doesn't mean you have to bludgeon people with every little Fi value, at every given time. In many ways, that's being inauthentic since it's less about Fi and more about your dramatic emotions of the moment. Banter is more fun for many.

  9. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    I agree, and to some extent it's true. That's what I meant when I said when I witness what she does it looks like Fe "handling" or feels like manipulation or ass-kissing to me, because the way that NTJs fall for it is almost pathetic. They're like "ow, you're so nice!" And she is nice...but they're being manipulated, it reminds me of dogs being led around by a bone. It gives me kind of a nauseated feeling, especially since they're adults, and often behaving badly when she feels a need to do this, so I feel like picking up a mirror and showing them reality. That's what Fi means to me. Getting real.

    Thing is, they don't really want you to be real, they want you to submit to their desires. Yes/no? Do you prefer a woman who challenges you or one who agrees with you or who is more pliant?

    I've seen numerous INTJs admit things like they'd rather be with an ISFP who is less inclined to argue with them, or even flat out declare that women should be demure.

    She's just giving you guys what she thinks you want (and it appears to be the case!), but to me, it makes my skin crawl.





    I've had troubles with INTJs putting me on a pedastal as well, and yes they, collectively, have disappointed my idealized image of them.

    Also, it's really an individual thing...you know, in the end, all NTJs and NFPs are not the same, there are just generalizations based upon group observations of the types.
    Hold up, don't even dare to go there. I understand that you're having trouble visualizing how it works, but that doesn't mean you get to judge it right off the bat. Just coz I don't go shooting everyone in sight who holds different values than me and who isn't actually being what you consider 'respectful' about it doesn't mean that i am pliant and manipulative.

    Since when is it wrong to give someone the space to be themselves instead of breathing down their necks? To give them the benefit of the doubt and try to see where they're coming from, even if they're being crude in their way of behaving. I firmly believe people don't do things for no reason and unless I know that reason, I'm not passing judgment coz I'm lacking info. If someone with their behavior comes too close to actually hurting one of my values, I *recognize* that this is my own responsibility to tend to and i will put up a wall out of protection, but it is their right to believe what they want and I'm not about to go whack them over the head about what's *right* when I don't even have all the info. Jumping to conclusions much??

    Also I've found that when I listen to what they're saying, despite the way in which it's communicated (as btw, I'm doing right now with you, coz you are in fact being very offensive imo though I understand where you're coming from), they more often than not are way more open to what *I* have to say on the issue. It's called creating goodwill and enhancing communication. And once I feel Ive got a good handle on what the situation is and I feel they do in fact need a mirror held in front of them, I will. Especially if I know them and hold them in high regard. Ask around. I've been called an enneagram 8 recently coz of that. I don't mince words once I do reach my final conclusion. I just take my jolly time to get there. I don't see nothing submissive, manipulative or pliant about that. So I'd appreciate you not dissing my style while I don't diss yours, coz let me be clear, I don't find yours particularly productive either but I can see the value in it.

    Also keep in mind that you don't get to see the full extent of my interactions with someone. I do have the discretion to actually pull someone aside, in private when I decide to uphold a mirror and get frank with them (this right now is an exception for me, in fact), unless they specifically ask for it in public, as doing so in public often becomes more like a circus act instead of about what's in that mirror. So you may witness something on the forums and get a partial impression of that, without getting the full picture. Jumping to conclusion and therefore spewing inaccurate and crude generalizations about my interactions is *not* appreciated.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jenaphor View Post
    It's kind of unfair to crap all over Satine. Being authentic doesn't mean you have to bludgeon people with every little Fi value, at every given time. In many ways, that's being inauthentic since it's less about Fi and more about your dramatic emotions of the moment. Banter is more fun for many.
    Thanks
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  10. #50
    Member Nomorenames's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uytuun View Post
    I end up feeling like that a lot with NFPs. Both in romantic situations and in friendship there seems to be something, you have an obvious attraction or you grow closer and then it just sort of seems to stop - there is no explanation, they just start distancing themselves. To me it feels like I've done something to let them down somehow (and I can think of one concrete thing that might have caused one of them to back off in hindsight and taking idiosyncratic Fi into account, but maybe that wasn't even it). It's possible that they just started to forget about me, but I don't think that's it, because you don't just not respond to people you've merely forgotten about when they engage you again, right?

    Does that resonate with the NFPs on here? Insights?
    Here's another possibility. The xNFP gave a level of attention and energy to you that is untenable for very long. In order to not disappoint you and ensure the same quality of interaction, they may need to recharge their batteries.

    Or they may be disappointed and purposefully distancing themselves so you'd get the hint. Who gets those nfps jerks, really?

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