• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[NF] An E/INFP's love.

HotpinkHeatwave

New member
Joined
Nov 30, 2009
Messages
379
MBTI Type
ENFP
"An E/INFP's love is hard to obtain. They may seem friendly and warm (or maybe even distanced, but friendly) in the beginning, but that is no different to how they treat everyone else.

The truth is, is that they quickly build a wall, in which you have to strategically, and slowly, knock down. The more you make this wall crumble, the more they will trust you, and the more they will open up.. But this takes time.

They will be slow to 'get personal', especially with details that they wouldn't necessarily share with anyone else. They will want to be close, but feel very unsure, wary of future hurt, or fallouts.

As time progresses, the more you share with them, and the more they feel safe with sharing with you, the closer they will become and feel.

Eventually their wall will be gone, and their wariness is eased. They'll be comfortable with you, they will feel confident in confiding in you. They will want to be close to you. They will want to care for you. They will feel warmth when they are with you.

Soon, they can love you, if they don't already do."

Does any E/INFP agree with this?

Do you have anything to add, or object to?

I found this rather interesting, and personally, I agree. How about you?

Please share.
 

Antimony

You're fired. Lol.
Joined
Jun 11, 2009
Messages
3,428
MBTI Type
ESTP
Enneagram
8w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I'm sorry, that you have asked other NFPs, however, I know several, and it has been my experience that their walls go down very, very quickly, and they fall for people fast.

Well, the ENFPs. I don't know many INFPs.
 

skylights

i love
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
7,756
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
the walls go down quickly but only with very specific people. the problem is less walls than insecurity. something minor happens, i fear i'm losing the person, i freak out, accidentally push them away because i essentially attack them to get them back... yeah
:blushing:

i feel like that's pretty accurate otherwise though. i'm way more secretive than people think, even though i'm open about my feelings.
 

Thalassa

Permabanned
Joined
May 3, 2009
Messages
25,183
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx
Yeah, ENFP walls go down hella fast. Scary fast for some people.

How the fuck are we supposed to be compatible with INTJs because of this fact? It boggles the mind.
 

Engineer

Dependable Skeleton
Joined
Feb 1, 2011
Messages
625
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Most recent ex was an INFP.
Can safely say that INFPs are somewhere near ENFPs on walls, and nowhere near INTJ/INFJs.
Slightly more secretive than ENFPs, but definitely too fast (to this INTJ's mind) to let their guards down.
 

Starry

Active member
Joined
May 22, 2010
Messages
6,103
^^^That’s interesting to me what you two (skylights & Marm) are saying because my walls do not come down easily at all.

I mean, I do fall fast & hard…and I’ll go into ‘I’m trying way too hard to impress you’ mode…but there is still a huge wall up. Not that I think others would be able to detect this…but I am aware of it. It can take a super long time for all of my defenses to come down.

I definitely relate to the description in the OP. Wait…I just realized neither of you are 7s. That might have something to do with it.
 

Starry

Active member
Joined
May 22, 2010
Messages
6,103
Everytime I don't quote and just do the ^^^ someone sneeks inbetween
 

Thalassa

Permabanned
Joined
May 3, 2009
Messages
25,183
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx
^^^That’s interesting to me what you two (skylights & Marm) are saying because my walls do not come down easily at all.

I mean, I do fall fast & hard…and I’ll go into ‘I’m trying way too hard to impress you’ mode…but there is still a huge wall up. Not that I think others would be able to detect this…but I am aware of it. It can take a super long time for all of my defenses to come down.

I definitely relate to the description in the OP. Wait…I just realized neither of you are 7s. That might have something to do with it.

Yup. 7s are better at keeping their distance I think, and can also manifest the ENFP stereotype better in some people's minds. People with any kind of 4 influence gonna be more intense, I guess. In fact...are skylights and I both 3w4, or am I mistaken (I've recently been convinced I'm 3w4 rather than 4w3).
 

Starry

Active member
Joined
May 22, 2010
Messages
6,103
Yup. 7s are better at keeping their distance I think, and can also manifest the ENFP stereotype better in some people's minds. People with any kind of 4 influence gonna be more intense, I guess. In fact...are skylights and I both 3w4, or am I mistaken (I've recently been convinced I'm 3w4 rather than 4w3).

I will say that there is something that seems way more grounded in the way you and skylights come across to me. I can't even tell you how weird I get when I like someone. It is like I can't even remotely be normal LOL.
 

KDude

New member
Joined
Jan 26, 2010
Messages
8,243
I think I had a lot of lost opportunities when I was younger. As I got older, I didn't mind asking anyone out, but yeah, I don't let things out in full. But I'm not merely the "emotionally distant", but "ok with getting some" type either. So I'm kind of distant on both fronts. I guess. In my mind, I'm just trying to take things slowly. It's funny how that's not good enough though. I've basically stopped dating because of it.
 

skylights

i love
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
7,756
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
Yup. 7s are better at keeping their distance I think, and can also manifest the ENFP stereotype better in some people's minds. People with any kind of 4 influence gonna be more intense, I guess. In fact...are skylights and I both 3w4, or am I mistaken (I've recently been convinced I'm 3w4 rather than 4w3).

:yes: 3w4 or 4w3. i don't know which either. i'm also sp-last, though not sure which stacking first... suspect so/sx. maybe. rest of my tritype is 7w6 and 9w1.

starry i think i understand what you express about grounding. it's a slightly different sort of energy? i feel like i am a bit different from more free-spirited or zany or forceful ENFPs. i mean obviously i'm kind of loose and flowy... that's just kinda who we are... but there's something quiet in me too. something that grabs onto things and doesn't want to let go. you are more lovely light and airy...

though i do get a little weird too, lol. as soon as i realize i like someone i throw all the walls up. get quiet, nervous, hesitant, paranoid. just for me they come down very quickly if the other person reciprocates. and INTJs, dude, who the hell knows. maybe they like that we're just open about things and don't pussyfoot around, lol.

the thing that does stay hidden in me is the host of secrets that i am actually ashamed of. there are a lot of things i really don't mind sharing, but a few specific things i think maybe only 1 person in my life knows them... a few things no one but me... those are the things that i will eventually share with someone really important. but that takes years.
 

Santosha

New member
Joined
Feb 1, 2011
Messages
1,516
MBTI Type
HUMR
Enneagram
6
Instinctual Variant
sx
Does any E/INFP agree with this?

Do you have anything to add, or object to?

I found this rather interesting, and personally, I agree. How about you?

Please share.

Very accurate in my experience. But the most important factor over looked here is WHO your dealing with. Both ENFP/INFP are dam good judges of charactor *Fi* .. so when you get an INTJ or INFJ saying that NFP walls came down fast or easily.. one of two things is happening..

1) The wall came down "quick" because your infp/enfp has analyzed you much more than you realize, and has decided you are safe
OR
2) Things that you find sensitive for yourself, that you personally would have a hard time sharing, are not the same things the INFP/ENFP has a hard time divulging. Our secrets are different =)
 
Last edited:

skylights

i love
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
7,756
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
^ +10000

our protection system works very differently than Fe or T.
 

Thalassa

Permabanned
Joined
May 3, 2009
Messages
25,183
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx
the thing that does stay hidden in me is the host of secrets that i am actually ashamed of. there are a lot of things i really don't mind sharing, but a few specific things i think maybe only 1 person in my life knows them... a few things no one but me... those are the things that i will eventually share with someone really important. but that takes years.

I identify with this...it seems like I like to tell my life's story, but there are secrets I kept hidden, and there's a side of me only certain people see.
 

KDude

New member
Joined
Jan 26, 2010
Messages
8,243
I wanted to address a rep comment. I don't know if I'm embarrassing the person or I should be embarrassed, but it brings up a funny point.

That really sucks. Sure you aren't an NT?


I'm probably not, but INTP is close. The whole IP temperament has similarities imo. I think it's a mistake to think that Fi is less judicious with who we involve ourselves with. Fi has more of a social orientation than Ti in general, but I don't think the differences are very significant at romance. The idea that we're more maudlin or worse, flamboyant, is off (to me). Not that you said that, but it is, of course, forever implied around here.

That said, I'm kind of laughing at my original post now. I can't help from being vague about this subject.
 

Antimony

You're fired. Lol.
Joined
Jun 11, 2009
Messages
3,428
MBTI Type
ESTP
Enneagram
8w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I wanted to address a rep comment. I don't know if I'm embarrassing the person or I should be embarrassed, but it brings up a funny point.

That really sucks. Sure you aren't an NT?


I'm probably not, but INTP is close. The whole IP temperament has similarities imo. I think it's a mistake to think that Fi is less judicious with who we involve ourselves with. Fi has more of a social orientation than Ti in general, but I don't think the differences are very significant at romance. The idea that we're more maudlin or worse, flamboyant, is off (to me). Not that you said that, but it is, of course, forever implied around here.

That said, I'm kind of laughing at my original post now. I can't help from being vague about this subject.

LOL embarrass me? Good luck with that :jew:

I suppose that does make sense over all.

I vote INTP still :D
 
Joined
Dec 9, 2008
Messages
1,844
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Very accurate in my experience. But the most important factor over looked here is WHO your dealing with. Both ENFP/INFP are dam good judges of charactor *Fi* .. so when you get an INTJ or INFJ saying that NFP walls came down fast or easily.. one of two things is happening..

1) The wall came down "quick" because your infp/enfp has analyzed you much more than you realize, and has decided you are safe. OR
2) Things that you find sensitive for yourself, that you personally would have a hard time sharing, are not the same things the INFP/ENFP has a hard time divulging. Our secrets are different =)
Huxley said it spot on.

As an INFP I relate to that first one. There is alot of stuff to weigh and analyze/think over when it comes to letting someone in when it gets more serious. I don't know if this will help you or not but in past relationships/friendships even, some of the questions I'd ponder over would be along the lines of "Can I trust them with what fits with my values?" "Will they respect them even if it's not their thing?" "Are they being honest in their intention?" "Are they ready for a real commitment or me even?/Am I being honest with my intention?". Those are just a few from the big bunch and it varies in my own evaluation LOL. These questions can take awhile and for me I don't like getting physical or anything until I can feel "safe" in that sense. When it all just fits and I feel this part of me as an INFP can be respected. I'm an individual first off. Any healthy relationship is going to require "some" compromise. If I sense the other or me is compromising too much it's best to go seperate ways romantically as when two get involved in such a way each decision will impact the other more then if just bffs or friends who don't live together etc. (heh... got a taste of the Fi reasoning there. I have to stop there though or I'll write up an essay :O)

And about secrets. Yeah to that as well. My kind of secrets tend to me letting the emotional part of me out. But that also serves as a test in a way too (not manipulative) but more like if it is respected and if they can handle my values/what comes with it as a result. Obviously this is more of a relationship thing as when people get together they impact each other more. Hence the integrity/honesty thing too. Friendships in a way too I guess but not with as much intention or as much analysis is needed as when I'm considering a potential life partner. Their are just more things to weigh. Friends I notice are more (ones I have heh) are open and accepting in regards to differences "each their own needs/wants. Nonjudgemental".

But I did and do have abit of a wall I get behind observing and evaluating potential friends as well similar to the above just not as intense in my evaluation. Not like they'd be living with me/spending the rest of our lives together financially/emotionally responsible to one another you know?

Hopefully this is helpful in some way :). Atleast another perspective to hear from for ya :hug:. Sorry if I rambled.
I just love to lend a hand in helping INFPs getting understood heh. We are an odd bird :laugh:. Oh as INFP in relation to the term "judicious" I've had the word "Astute" thrown at me as I was discussing this very theory LOL. An Astute INFP o_O... but in all seriousness I could see anyone of any type being astute or judicious. I agree with you Kdude on how it seems to be implied around here that INFPs somehow don't have sound judgement. OA is level headed as an INFP as well.
 

Elfboy

Certified Sausage Smoker
Joined
Nov 26, 2008
Messages
9,625
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I think why it can sometimes seem impossible to seduce an NFP is because that's just it. You can't. Given enough time (and this is usually a very short time), NFPs will quickly get a picture of what you're like on the inside (your beliefs, mental state, motivations, emotions etc). good looks are also necessary, but even if you're the best looking person in the world, if an NFP isn't turned on by what "you" are, then they just won't be attracted to you. it's not that we don't like you, it's just that for us attraction is either there or it isn't and not something that can be seduced into existance like other types.
PS: ENFPs also have a horribly flirtatious nature and often times (especially if 7w6 or 7w8) will flirt with EVERYONE, regardless of attraction because it's just the way we are. even straight ENFP guys will flirt with other guys and straight ENFP women will flirt with other women. it's almost like we need someone to lavish with love and sexual attention or we start lavishing everyone with love and sexual attention. while it is entertaining and can be extremely funny, I try not to do this because I realize how inconsiderate I'm being to everyone who doesn't speak the very sexual language that is ENFP-enese
PPS: ESFPs are even worse about this. they will go so far as to seductively stroke you and touch you in extremely sexual ways and then be like "just kidding" leaving the other party like ???
 

Santosha

New member
Joined
Feb 1, 2011
Messages
1,516
MBTI Type
HUMR
Enneagram
6
Instinctual Variant
sx
I think why it can sometimes seem impossible to seduce an NFP is because that's just it. You can't. Given enough time (and this is usually a very short time), NFPs will quickly get a picture of what you're like on the inside (your beliefs, mental state, motivations, emotions etc). good looks are also necessary, but even if you're the best looking person in the world, if an NFP isn't turned on by what "you" are, then they just won't be attracted to you. it's not that we don't like you, it's just that for us attraction is either there or it isn't and not something that can be seduced into existance like other types.

Is this true for other NFP's? Are you hard to seduce? I have ALWAYS been hard to seduce.. for the exact reasons Elfboy mentions. I get such a good picture of who I'm dealing with (the inside) fairly quickly, that I just KNOW if theres potential or not. And if theres not.. there ain't a chance in hell. Know matter how good looking or full of good times one is.. if they don't have that special spark of what I want, there out.

THe two qualities that I simply can't live without in another person?
Intelligence & integrity. Ya there is way way more to people than this.. but these are the two things I just can't lower my standards on. How important is intelligene and intergrity to you other NF's? I am really curious.
 
Top