[NF] An E/INFP's love.

[Starry]

So in other words- I’m getting too old for this shit!

Same haha

 

[Aweso_23]

I've been good friends with a classic ENFP for over a year now and she claims it's the best relationship she's ever had. We started "dating" about 6 months ago. She has very strong religious views and thinks it's wrong to be with another female so we aren't completely public and every few weeks she will throw me for a loop and break up with me for like a day. And then come back. I never freak out I just give her space. Yesterday was one of those days and I've remained cool even though she's saying its for real this time. I'm not really worried about the outcome given her record. But what do you see as being the end all be all??? I live my own life and chat with other girls to keep my mind off of her hot and cold game but it's growing old. I know for a fact shes not using the belief system as an excuse and it really does bother her. Will she come around? What's the ENFP deal here??? How do I seal the deal on this so we can ride off into the sunset on my unicorn together?

 

[Starry]

[MENTION=10550]Dr Mobius[/MENTION]


Here's the thread I got that description from...

Which of these romantic styles do you relate to the most?


^and yah...there's no citation. I just saw a bunch of lower-case letters and thought "...must be that socionics voodoocraftery" Whoever the author...they kinda nailed-it for me and for the majority of respondents in that thread based on whichever description they identified with. In other words...*if* they identified with a single description they identified with it fairly strongly.

Challengers/Trophies: INFp, ENFj

These are the types who unconsciously throw a "gauntlet" down for their opponents. They know on an almost subliminal level exactly who they are looking for, and anyone who does not fit the bill will be subjected to a rather flakey, hot-cold game of courting tag. As a result, they may appear (both to others and to themselves) rather amorphous and can take on qualities of the other romantic attitudes, depending on the situation and who they are "challenging."

They may, for example, give the victim half his aggressor, the psuedo-aggressor a little victim, the caregiver a bit of his child, etc. They react best, however, to those who do not "break" as a result of their games, but grant them a level of autonomy. Healthy examples of this type will have a sense of self-esteem, and may think of themselves as the "prize" that will be given only to the rightful owner.

It's not without its flaws though. What I didn't understand when I originally responded was the above appears to be saying that only opponents (<-I absolutely love how romantic interests in these descriptions are referred to as opponents...there's something so honest in that and positive for growth and transformation...now just how to make that work?).... Only opponents that don't quite fit the Challenger/Trophy's bill will be met with a gauntlet and that would be inaccurate for me. I'm not going to waste my time involuntarily testing someone that doesn't already fit all that I'm looking for. The gauntlet I believe is all about..."Are you looking for me?" "Are you able to find me?" <-This is very Ne/Fi 7/4 to me

I also didn't understand whether a person could only be one of these...either a Challenger or a Trophy? Because I am both...I have both of those in me and boy is it becoming tiresome.

 

[LucieCat]

As an ENFP, it's hard to say whether my love is difficult to maintain. I care about pretty much everyone I meet, and it doesn't take much to get on my good side. I'm sometimes mistaken as flirtatious when I'm just being my usual friendly, curious about people self. I want to form genuine connections with people.
There are different kinds of love. My love of knowledge, friends, new ideas, and humanity in general is freely given and shared. I can honestly say I would hug a complete stranger and listen to their feelings.
As far as romantic love goes, well I'm very guarded. I am someone who has always prioritized education and career over any chance of a relationship. That's just my priorities in life. I'm also very rarely, if ever, attracted to people in a physical or romantic sense. The lack of mutual attraction is also a large roadblock for me. If there I someone I would be theoretically willing to pursue a relationship with, I will believe they should be with someone who experiences the same attraction as they do for each other.
I'm also not a romantic, lovey person at all. I appreciate romance when it's other people or in a book or movie. When it comes to me personally, I find a lot of romantic things to be a bit cringy or unecessary in my life.
I worry about seeming cold and distant because of this at times. But, I'm a person with many sides and faces. It is what it is.

 

[Zarathustra]

As an ENFP, it's hard to say whether my love is difficult to maintain. I care about pretty much everyone I meet, and it doesn't take much to get on my good side. I'm sometimes mistaken as flirtatious when I'm just being my usual friendly, curious about people self. I want to form genuine connections with people.
There are different kinds of love. My love of knowledge, friends, new ideas, and humanity in general is freely given and shared. I can honestly say I would hug a complete stranger and listen to their feelings.
As far as romantic love goes, well I'm very guarded. I am someone who has always prioritized education and career over any chance of a relationship. That's just my priorities in life. I'm also very rarely, if ever, attracted to people in a physical or romantic sense. The lack of mutual attraction is also a large roadblock for me. If there I someone I would be theoretically willing to pursue a relationship with, I will believe they should be with someone who experiences the same attraction as they do for each other.
I'm also not a romantic, lovey person at all. I appreciate romance when it's other people or in a book or movie. When it comes to me personally, I find a lot of romantic things to be a bit cringy or unecessary in my life.
I worry about seeming cold and distant because of this at times. But, I'm a person with many sides and faces. It is what it is.

Curious

Those aren't common qualities for an ENFP to have.

But I've always figured there are such flavors out there.

What do you think explains this variation within you?

Are you aware of your Enneagram Instinctual Variant?

My guess is that you would be sexual (intimacy) last

 

[LucieCat]

Curious Those aren't common qualities for an ENFP to have. But I've always figured there are such flavors out there. What do you think explains this variation within you? Are you aware of your Enneagram Instinctual Variant? My guess is that you would be sexual (intimacy) last

Curiosity is always a good quality. I am aware that I can be seen as a bit unusual. Well, we are all different in our own ways. It’s what keeps life interesting.

The sexual orientation I identify with is asexuality, meaning I don’t experience sexual attraction. It is not very well known or common (polls indicate that it is at about 1% of the population). A lot of people do not think it exists, but it’s what I have experienced so, in my mind, it unquestionably exists.

Of course, that just my experience. Among asexuals, there is such a diverse array of people. It is really a spectrum. Many are interested in and do pursue relationships and have sex. My personal experience is just total and complete apathy towards physical intimacy. I am comfortable with the idea of it and conversations about it. But actually having either? My answer is a resounding meh. I am aware that probably seems harsh, which is not how I want to come across, but that is my personal truth.

I think my sexuality ties into the way I feel about relationships.

While this does nott apply to me, I assume negative/traumatic prior experiences regarding sex/relationships/intimacy could cause a person to feel similar to how I do. Or a hormone irregularity in some cases. I am certain these do not apply to me. They could be a reason though that a person who would not be asexual would feel that way. Of course, I sm sure there have been cases of asexuals experiencing these things.

Nothing in specific causes a straight female to be attracted to males (in general). This goes with any other sexual orientation. So I just guess I am naturally the way I am. If it changes someday, then it does. I cannot predict the future nor do I really even want to do so. Sexuality is sometimes mistakingly thought of as a simple concept, but it really is neither simple nor linear
.
My Enneagram Instinctual variant is social first, then self-preservation, and then intimacy. As far as type, Ive narrowed it down to a 6w7 or a 7w6 (still unsure which). I am pretty new to the Enneagram, but I think that is accurate.