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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by HotpinkHeatwave View Post
    Does any E/INFP agree with this?

    Do you have anything to add, or object to?

    I found this rather interesting, and personally, I agree. How about you?

    Please share.
    This pretty much describes how I make friends and sometimes crush badly on people. *siiiiiiiiigh*

    My walls go down quickly when I feel that the person is a kindred soul or someone who will get me. Basically, if I feel comfortable enough to blurt out seemingly nonsensical things around them or talk about my fears, they have a special place in my heart and I would most probably defend/support them till my last breath.

  2. #22

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    Quote Originally Posted by HotpinkHeatwave View Post
    Does any E/INFP agree with this?

    Do you have anything to add, or object to?

    I found this rather interesting, and personally, I agree. How about you?

    Please share.
    Not an NF, but My Partner is an INFP, and I find this description above true for her, the description seems to be distinctly INFP, not really common from ENFPs in my experience, their wall goes down rather quickly, INFPs are much more hmm guarded?, but once they open up than everything is good, the key is to be supportive and understanding... and not judgmental or they'll retreat back into their cave but still 'seem' charming but secretly wanting you to go away, and that isn't fun...

    Quote Originally Posted by thealchemist View Post
    This pretty much describes how I make friends and sometimes crush badly on people. *siiiiiiiiigh*

    My walls go down quickly when I feel that the person is a kindred soul or someone who will get me. Basically, if I feel comfortable enough to blurt out seemingly nonsensical things around them or talk about my fears, they have a special place in my heart and I would most probably defend/support them till my last breath.

    ah yes, this is what I've noticed with my INFP partner, you summed it up quite well Great post! Do you think that last part "I would most probably defend/support them till my last breath." is perhaps due to at-least in the case of type 4's, with a [healthy] connection to 1? defending a cause, like an amplification of their love?.

  3. #23
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The_World_As_Will View Post
    Not an NF, but My Partner is an INFP, and I find this description above true for her, the description seems to be distinctly INFP, not really common from ENFPs in my experience, their wall goes down rather quickly, INFPs are much more hmm guarded?, but once they open up than everything is good, the key is to be supportive and understanding... and not judgmental or they'll retreat back into their cave but still 'seem' charming but secretly wanting you to go away, and that isn't fun...




    ah yes, this is what I've noticed with my INFP partner, you summed it up quite well Great post! Do you think that last part "I would most probably defend/support them till my last breath." is perhaps due to at-least in the case of type 4's, with a [healthy] connection to 1? defending a cause, like an amplification of their love?.
    that's possible. it can also be seen in types 1, 2 and 8 and NFP kind of magnifies it

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by The_World_As_Will View Post
    ah yes, this is what I've noticed with my INFP partner, you summed it up quite well Great post! Do you think that last part "I would most probably defend/support them till my last breath." is perhaps due to at-least in the case of type 4's, with a [healthy] connection to 1? defending a cause, like an amplification of their love?.
    Ha thanks.

    Hmm good question. I don't know my enneagram type because it keeps changing. But usually I take loyalty to the next level and I feel I would back them up or give them support no matter what. It's probably the devil's advocate in me that makes me support them even (specially? ) if the odds are not in their favour. So far I can see myself doing that only for 3 friends, excluding my parents and sibling for whom I would readily do the same thing.

    Two of the divine trio are people I've known for a long time (ENFJ, ESFP - met them at the beginning of my teenage years so we pretty much grew up together). The other person is someone (NFJ/NTP of sorts) I've known for around 2 years now and he crumbled the wall quite easily but also helped me repair some foundations and fight the blues. I had a minor crush on him (and probably still do) but the friendship is too dear and precious to me to take any risks.

  5. #25
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Huxley3112 View Post
    Is this true for other NFP's? Are you hard to seduce?.

    Pretty much. It sort of backfires on me in funny ways though. I wasn't really aware of it until my mid 20s when I dated more. One girl accused me of having everything the wrong way, and said "I'm not about to beg!" I've taken girls home, who wanted me to come inside, but I'm kind of taking it easy.. and then they get mad and think I have another girlfriend. I've also said stupid things that, in retrospect, are more oblivious of cues than inability to be seduced. It also kind of sucks when other guys would like me to play "wingman" at times, and I think I wasn't doing a good job. I mean, I wasn't turning off anyone.. I still keep their attention, but I've seen ESP guys and they're way better at getting people to have fun. I'm pretty sure my side of things is different than ENFPs though.

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by StarryKnights View Post

    I mean, I do fall fast & hard…and I’ll go into ‘I’m trying way too hard to impress you’ mode…but there is still a huge wall up. Not that I think others would be able to detect this…but I am aware of it. It can take a super long time for all of my defenses to come down.
    I'm an INFP and I agree. It also depends on the person I'm talking to. Some seem more 'trustable'.

  7. #27
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    An E/INFP's love is hard to obtain. They may seem friendly and warm (or maybe even distanced, but friendly) in the beginning, but that is no different to how they treat everyone else.

    I generally am told I seem aloof & even unfriendly, but sometimes one-on-one with people I manage to seem interested in them personally in a way which makes them feel there is more there than there is. I am interested in them as a human, not as a romantic potential. This confusion is actually uncommon though. In general, I am more likely to seem distant and closed, even though I feel friendly & open.

    The truth is, is that they quickly build a wall, in which you have to strategically, and slowly, knock down. The more you make this wall crumble, the more they will trust you, and the more they will open up.. But this takes time.

    I have been told numerous times by friends & guys I've dated that I have a wall up. They can't tell if I like them or how I feel about anything. Once you get to know me, I will no longer seem so aloof though, so that people don't realize a wall is up for awhile, until like a year later when it dawns on them I am still intensely private about myself.

    They will be slow to 'get personal', especially with details that they wouldn't necessarily share with anyone else. They will want to be close, but feel very unsure, wary of future hurt, or fallouts.


    I'm good at throwing out tidbits to get others to open up, but then later they realize they actually know far less about me than I know about them. I've only had this role reversed with ENFJs, and I find it terribly disconcerting because I am not used to being the one who has revealed more. In any case, I open up slowly, and any personal info revealed is often surface.

    Almost everything I've read about Fi-dom says they are hard to get to know, and I don't see myself as an exception. I think some people think they know you because they don't even fathom what is going on in your head. They accept the simple surface & feel they got to know you quickly. Not to be all pretentious, acting like NFPs are so "deep", but I think the level of feeling that exists is lot more intense than others can even imagine, and we ask the same in return, and will stay guarded until we get a glimpse of it. I've found myself feeling very alienated & disconnected from others in periods of my life because of this.

    Conversely, I think it may hurt others to know that our interactions & exchanges sometimes mean little to me, whereas to them, they have significance & indicate some kind of "knowing" of the other. They appear satisfied with these exchanges, but I am left a bit empty.


    As time progresses, the more you share with them, and the more they feel safe with sharing with you, the closer they will become and feel.


    Yes, I need to test the water a bit, and for them to indicate they want to test my water. It's often not a linear process, but a darting back & forth as you acclimate yourself.

    It's also important to remember that dry facts about my life & relating stories often mean little to me. I can relate this somewhat easily. Dreams, feelings, hopes, fears, ideas...these are much more significant to me & guarded more carefully.

    I can easily tell you my parents divorced when I was two and it affected me, but it's like reading a fact sheet. I don't consider that "opening up".

    Eventually their wall will be gone, and their wariness is eased. They'll be comfortable with you, they will feel confident in confiding in you. They will want to be close to you. They will want to care for you. They will feel warmth when they are with you.

    Yes, I'm something like an onion.

    Soon, they can love you, if they don't already do.

    I greatly distinguish between infatuation, emotional attachment, and love. None of these happen readily for me though. Infatuation with ideas of people is what I am most prone to, but that wears off easily through just a little interaction with their actual person.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  8. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by Huxley3112 View Post
    Very accurate in my experience. But the most important factor over looked here is WHO your dealing with. Both ENFP/INFP are dam good judges of charactor *Fi* .. so when you get an INTJ or INFJ saying that NFP walls came down fast or easily.. one of two things is happening..

    1) The wall came down "quick" because your infp/enfp has analyzed you much more than you realize, and has decided you are safe
    OR
    2) Things that you find sensitive for yourself, that you personally would have a hard time sharing, are not the same things the INFP/ENFP has a hard time divulging. Our secrets are different =)
    yes totally...we completely trust our intuition so we may trust you quickly...or not...even still for me..it won't be completely in all areas so it may seem that i do but just wait till you ask certain questions and i'll be extremely evasive...and...having been married..i'm afraid my faith is shaken so i have this feeling of never knowing for sure...but maybe one day i will...
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  9. #29
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    i definitely agree with what huxley has said... its funny how people think theyre "in" sometimes, when really ive still got walls and walls...

    then there are others who pierce right through to the soul.

  10. #30
    Senior Member Forever_Jung's Avatar
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    As a neurotic ENFP 6w7 sp/so (Is there any other kind? Probably, but I'll pretend it's typology's fault I'm so high-maintenance), I am always on edge, and either seem to be too defensive and distant, or way too intense and open. There's this paranoid, push-and-pull ambivalence to my love. I am always scanning for signs that my loved one is irritated, worrying she will leave. Then I sort of poke and prod her for more information, to test her, to see if her love will "hold". I'm testing the water with my toe. Then once it feels safe and she passes my "test", I plunge into the pool. Then eventually, as I splash happily about, I start to worry I'm making too many waves in the pool and so I jump back out again. And this cycle just goes on and on and on. It must be so exhausting for my gf.

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