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  1. #11
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    If you can't think of any weirdness that happened between you, it's probably not you at all. Maybe something happened at the conference that's weirding him out, or maybe he's dealing with something else entirely. Maybe give him a few days and see if he's back to normal.
    hm, okay. will do. it just kills me to not understand what's going on. why shut down on me in particular? why not everyone else? i just don't know.

    thanks

  2. #12
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    okay thanks so much guys. i'm gonna kill the thread and just hang on and wait. and die. *twitch*

  3. #13

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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    hm, okay. will do. it just kills me to not understand what's going on. why shut down on me in particular? why not everyone else? i just don't know.

    thanks
    Do you know he hasn't shut other people out, just you? As in, confirmation?
    "The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things." - Rainer Maria Rilke

  4. #14
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iwakar View Post
    Do you know he hasn't shut other people out, just you? As in, confirmation?
    well, his status has been saying he's hanging out with another close friend, so

  5. #15
    Listening Oaky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    hm, okay. my first inclination is to reach out, though admittedly that usually ends up exploding in my face when i try it. i just have a very hard time dealing with myself when i know that someone i really like might be unhappy with me.

    need... to... fix... *twitch*
    Well you can try your luck contacting him a few more times to see if he'll listen but from what you've stated it seems it's not working as you hoped. Tis why I stated what I said.
    There could be many reasons for his lack of communication. Maybe someone saw the messages he received and that put him off. Maybe he's trying to cut down on his communication as it's a bit tiring. If it's all on phone maybe he's limiting the credit used. Maybe he's found a woman he's romantically interested in and concentrating a bit more on her.

  6. #16
    Listening Oaky's Avatar
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    Ah, and the new thread title will attract more readers rather than repel them.

  7. #17
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    I sometimes shut down like this unintentionally, but would respond when prompted. It's usually when I'm trying to pick up other aspects of my life/social life that I've been neglecting.
    Otherwise, it would be if I have an issue with something. It would either be a case of seeing no solution to the issue or simply needing a break from said person for some reason. I've had to cut off from people for reasons of either hatred or affinity. lol I know that's not helpful in determining if there is an issue and what it is, but yea.

    If you do prompt a response further, maybe attempt to elaborate on your confusion to him. I close up more when I feel there is an issue and it's met with basic/slight questioning. I tend to feel like the other party should know what the issue is, or should be more inclined to pry into it. Mm course that's not to be mistaken with over-questioning. Imo, it's not beneficial to let out a string of 'are you okay? are we okay? did i do something? is there a thorn in your paw? etc'. It is, however, beneficial to say something that shares 1. I don't know if something is wrong/what it may be 2. I'm concerned and 3. I'd like to know why the halt in conversation.

    In a lot of cases, people just react better to another party that is opening up in a way that most people don't. As an example- If I'm hesitating to write a message to someone, I'll get to a point where I'll just start off with 'I was hesitating to write this.. etcblahblah' and that tidbit of more relatable honesty will tend to help whatever the cause is of what I'm saying. It's so simple and awesome of a thing.

    Hopefully, he's just being brief because life is being busy, even if it's other aspects of his social life.
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  8. #18
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    hm, okay. will do. it just kills me to not understand what's going on. why shut down on me in particular? why not everyone else? i just don't know.

    thanks
    I know you've shut the thread down, but a couple of thoughts. 1) Don't compare your relationship to him with other people's. Almost every relationship I have is different. There are some people who don't require much of me, and are therefore easier to hang out with when I'm stressed. Doesn't mean I'm mad at the other person. 2) If you must contact him, just shoot him a "hey, is everything okay?" text and leave it at that. No delving, no insecurities. He'll get the message you're concerned. Leave the ball in his court and try to forget about it. Don't let your Ne run wild, imagining how he's about to disown you.

    I know it's hard not to know, but how about not expecting the worst until the worst has become a reality? Then you deal with it head-on. The worst almost never happens like we think it will, though. It doesn't do any good to speculate.
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