I've been reflecting on this based on some other comments in some other threads, plus some recent experiences, plus some not so recent experiences.
I think this could be a particularly INFJ problem but of course it does not need to be type specific. But if anyone wants to come at from the INFJ angle I guess I'd find that especially interesting
I'm starting to think that I should assume that any meaningful interaction between myself and another person is, in fact, much less meaningful to them than it is to me. It seems as though when I've already assigned the label "meaningful" to it, I'm already well on the way to being over-invested. This could be in a developing friendship, or a friendship which has the potential for a romantic relationship, or an actual relationship...or maybe even something like a business transaction, where the person swears they will do something or help you with something, and then they just don't bother.
Are people just untrustworthy? Should we approach things on that basis? Should we assume that if someone says they care about you or they admire you or they appreciate your thoughts or they love you or they respect you...it's not true? Or it means something completely different to them?
I'm tired of getting over-invested, I guess that's what it comes down to. And while I'm a bit oblivious while in the middle of it...I'm not entirely oblivious, so maybe I should just get better at backing off and stopping the process or putting up more defenses. But I have too much hope, I guess, or I trust people too much.
Am I making any sense? Thoughts?
EDIT: Maybe I should have called this "It meant a lot less to them than it did to you, or possibly it meant something completely different."