lily, i sympathize about authenticity as well. as a Ne dom sometimes when i talk i am really just hypothesizing, raising ideas, but when i talk to a friend or SO about serious things, i know what i'm saying is really from the heart.
anyway -- i'm having this exact trouble right now, of relationships meaning more to you than the other person.
one of my close high school friends appears to have not cared nearly as much about our friendship as i thought she did. about 5 years ago, we parted ways, and she suddenly fell off the map. she will answer some others' communication, but not mine, and she never initiates. but then the few times we've gotten together, she's very gushy and "i miss you!!"-y. she acts like we're very close again. i'm sorry but... you don't know me anymore... now she's just moved back into town, and she's wanting me to meet up with her. i'm hesitant... i feel like i'm just a friend when it's convenient to her.
my most native reaction would just be to meet up with her and just flat-out tell her how i feel, but that would require me opening up again... honestly, the friendship doesn't mean enough to me to risk that kind of vulnerability. it wouldn't matter so much if i didn't actually care about her - i open up wide to people expecting nothing in return all the time - but it hurts me to open up to her and get nothing in return. and it's not like i stand to lose her, she's not there anyway. i figure what i'll do instead is meet up with her, but hold back a bit, protect myself... show her that i'll always love her for being her, but she no longer has the right to be close to me. she can earn it back, if she'd like. i would like to have her as a friend. but i just can't spend so much energy on her for so little in return.
and wow, this solution seems terrifically okay. so right. i pored over the issue for hours and hours to come to this. i almost don't believe it can be this... well, not easy, but okay. usually stuff like this involves so much angst on my part. i don't know if it's Te or Fe or even Ti but something that is distinctly not Fi is working out here