I'll just be honest (this is the internet, so I have nothing to lose lol)
As an INFJ I have a hard time letting people in; I tend to keep most people at arms length. I'm usually a really good friend to the people around me, but I don't feel like I can trust those people even though I may genuinely like them and hang out with them. I never quite let them in because they don't meet my standards, and I don't want to "force" people to live up to those expectations. At the same time my expectations aren't really negotiable.
That being said, I do allow some people in. When I do, they can do tremendous damage by simply being careless. This has led me to being extremely careful who I allow in, and I only allow myself to trust someone after a certain amount of time watching them to make sure I'm not going to be shafted. I've only got 3 people I would consider close friends, but I've had them for years and I trust them with everything.
Well, I recently got out of a relationship with an ENFP, one I thought was deeper than it was; I was reading elsewhere on the forum that
"7) ENFPs tend to share intimate details easily with others, and often have others reciprocate, a misunderstanding can arise between the two people in that relationship as to the status of the other person. ENFPs tend to love easily and like spreading that love, making people feel loved and being loved in return. It creates a special harmony, a being in sync that's very pleasurable, as well as a bond which makes everyone feel safe. Similarly, it can give the illusion of a stronger bond than was intended by the ENFP"
Long story short, that's what happened. She's moved on (for a variety of reasons) and I finally got closure a couple days ago, and I know (for sure) we're done. So now.. I'm trying to figure out what to do with my feelings. I don't form them easily, I can't banish them easily either.
So, quite a few questions;
Is this common for INFJ's? Having difficulty letting go of what we consider close relationships and feelings?
I'm highly private - though I'm relatively outgoing and I enjoy socializing, I do NOT share myself/my life experiences with others easily. If I "open up" it's not common and it means a hell of a lot regarding my trust of that person. How are INFJ's supposed to interact with personality types that expect us to be open and place far less importance on what we'd consider "intimate" information?
Are the high expectations I have of the people I trust unhealthy?
How DO you let go of feelings and relationships? (In a healthy way)
I've only had to let go of someone I considered a close friend once before.. and it took a LONG time before I was better.
I want to handle this as best I can, and learn whatever lessons I can from it. (I don't think writing off an entire personality type as untrustworthy would be healthy xD)