User Tag List

12 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 18

  1. #1
    Senior Member LostInNerSpace's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    1,027

    Default Miserable INFJ roommate

    Should I be vicious putting down my miserable INFJ roommate. He hogs the TV and anytime I enter the room he gives me like a dirty look, like what do you want kind of look. He has this black cloud of death that follows him around. Not that I care to watch TV, but still. It's like I absorb his negative shit to somehow keep the peace. But all it's doing is making me feel like crap. I totally could get nasty. He would retreat very quickly. When I've done it in the past he's actually been nice to me for a few months subsequent to that. I don't like being nasty to people. I do as a last resort. Hence the reason I've been absorbing all his negative crap.

  2. #2
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    MBTI
    GONE
    Posts
    9,051

    Default

    Hmm, that's unfortunate. Do you two share a lease or is one of you subleasing to the other? In a subleasing situation, sometimes the person who is subleasing really hates living with other people (especially you!) but magnanimously put up with it because they are cheap bastards living outside their means. This happens a lot in DC btw, sometimes I read the ads and I'm like geez, am I allowed to breath in your space or is that against 'the rules' too???

    Frankly, there are lots of uppity assholes in DC with chips on their shoulders. I know, I hate. But only because I care.

    If you are the one subleasing to him, it's easy to put him back in place and just bring up things that are annoying you. After all, you're technically his landlord.

    I think with two introverts, or people who don't really 'talk things out' things can get really tense or unpleasant like this. Are you sure he is INFJ? It's possible he is just a moody so and so and not really aware of how he is coming off. Some people are just kinda rough around the edges or otherwise not really good with social nice-ities. Some people are just really moody and give off vibes they aren't aware of or 'able' to control. Instead of being self-contained with their angst or pain, they are like weeping sores of negative emotional energy. And cattiness. Not fun for innocent bystanders around them.

    I've lived with people like this -- we were otherwise friends so it was easier to weather, but it can be a total drag to live with moody people. Especially if you have crazy Ne and Fi. And especially when their personalities flip or they act out.

    Question: is it his 'negative energy' you have issue with, or do you think he's acting out, being catty, basically being disrespectful?

    Absorbing what you perceive as 'negative shit' is a really bad idea. I've done this before, but moreover, have just let things fester in the air intsead of naming it. Generally, when people hold things in re: a roommate situation, by the time things come out, the dam's basically burst and then you just have all out war.

    For me, I can get pretty emtional or upset when I feel sleighted for no reason and it's very unhealthy to keep it in. When I get mad or have a concern, I find it's best to sort out the actual issues and what points I want to get across and what I want from the other person before I talk to them. And when I confront the person with my concerns, it helps keep me focused on what my issues are instead of getting sidelined with emotion.

    Or rather, it helps me focus my emotion but keep my delivery more neutral and matter of fact so the other person has a chance to really hear what I'm saying in a non-defensive manner. This is the best way for resolution and not for fighing.

    Sometimes though, let's face it, we just want to fight and have a good screaming match and tell that so-and-so exactly what we think of them. There is no 'desired outcome' other than letting off steam.

    Or tactic 2#

    In your situation also, perhaps your roommate is not doing things intentionally to make you feel bad. Do you believe some people are just assholes and cannot help themselves? Or that they are well meaning but will just rub you the wrong way and that's their god given purpose on earth? Can you find compassion for them in your INTP heart? Can you just see it for what it is and just brush it off? No one's saying you have to hug it out with him, just that if you change your POV it may not bother you.

    Basically, I don't think you necessarily have to revert to being nasty (being firm maybe) to get him to be more aware of his behavior, or if he's more aware of it, to change his behavior.

    How have you been nasty to him in the past? What have you brought up to make him behave better?

    BTW, I've lived with 20 roommates over the years in the DC area (yeah I get around) so I speak from experience.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

  3. #3
    Procrastinating
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    954

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by LostInNerSpace View Post
    Should I be vicious putting down my miserable INFJ roommate. He hogs the TV and anytime I enter the room he gives me like a dirty look, like what do you want kind of look. He has this black cloud of death that follows him around. Not that I care to watch TV, but still. It's like I absorb his negative shit to somehow keep the peace. But all it's doing is making me feel like crap. I totally could get nasty. He would retreat very quickly. When I've done it in the past he's actually been nice to me for a few months subsequent to that. I don't like being nasty to people. I do as a last resort. Hence the reason I've been absorbing all his negative crap.
    I don't have much advice but want to validate how you're affected. My environment is really critical to my mental state. I admire those who can maintain in any one but I've never found a way to do that. So what am I saying? Well, if your own health is important to you, you must do whatever it takes. Right? It seems one little nasty is way worth 3 months of peace. I mean isn't your own state at least as important as (was it?) his or hers? Why are you taking a view that he/she shouldn't be hurt? Aren't you being?

  4. #4

    Default

    confront him. straight up, ask him what's his problem, why he's acting like that (very childishly), and what makes him think he has a right to treat you like that. in my experience, this hard shaking up of the infj might snap him out of it and force him to take a real good look at himself.
    "It is only in folk tales, children's stories, and the journals of intellectual opinion that power is used wisely and well to destroy evil. The real world teaches very different lessons, and it takes willful and dedicated ignorance to fail to perceive them."

    - Noam Chomsky

  5. #5
    Senior Member LostInNerSpace's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    1,027

    Default

    We rent rooms from the landlord in the house.

    Thanks for the suggestions. I might just send him a nasty gram:steam: , in person though. I just like the sound of nasty gram.

    Quote Originally Posted by intuitiveadrenalinejunkie View Post
    confront him. straight up, ask him what's his problem, why he's acting like that (very childishly), and what makes him think he has a right to treat you like that. in my experience, this hard shaking up of the infj might snap him out of it and force him to take a real good look at himself.

    I know what his problem is. He's the 40 y/o virgin. Not quite. He lost it last year. But that's basically it.

  6. #6
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    192

    Default

    LostInNerSpace, how exactly do you communiacte with him?

  7. #7
    Senior Member LostInNerSpace's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    1,027

    Default

    He generally grunts. The only time I am able to get through is when I communicate forcefully.

    It's really bad. I have to tip toe around him. I pee in a bottle so I don't wake him up. It just occured to me that he will be miserable whether or not I tip toe around him, so I just shouldn't bother.

    I really need to move out of this place.

  8. #8
    Senior Member wedekit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    694

    Default

    Honestly, if you see no reason why you are at fault then go for it. Though I'm being a hypocrite by saying you should never let things slide, it is probably best to end your unhappiness by confronting him. I think that you should give him your piece and then ask him if he has any qualms with you for the sake of getting all that drama out on the table. Plus by pointing out valid faults that belong to him will probably make him self-conscious, which probably explains why he is nice to you for a couple of months when you get nasty.

    Honestly, right now I have a pretty shitty roommate too. We personally get along fine, but he is a big guy so he sweats a lot, never washes his sheet, takes a shower like every 2-3 days, farts all night in his sleep (as well as making a sound that sounds like he's eating a banana), stinks up the entire room every time he uses the restroom (and tries to cover it up with Axe which makes it worse), and sleeps all day which sucks for me because I'm a morning person. When he sleeps in his bed it incubates the built up smell and makes the ENTIRE room smell like old people. I understand the feeling of having a roommate that you pray will move out. I can't wait to be an RA next year and get my own room.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    Enneagram 4w5 social

  9. #9
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    5

    Default

    ok so he's probably SERIOUSLY suffering from not enough alone time. Don't stare at him. That pisses the crap out of infjs. Just tell him he's hogging the tv and to stop acting like an asshole. He will probably feel really bad and then dwell over it for days and then be really sensitive, but you know, sometimes infjs need a wake up call to reality.. people make a big deal about how kind and selfless the infjs are, and they are, but they can be self centered and totally ruled by their emotions. If you just get a little angry and tell him like it is, he will probably be mad and then go cry or something. maybe it's different for girls, but that's basically how it works i think.

  10. #10

    Default

    he is a big guy so he sweats a lot, never washes his sheet, takes a shower like every 2-3 days, farts all night in his sleep (as well as making a sound that sounds like he's eating a banana), stinks up the entire room every time he uses the restroom (and tries to cover it up with Axe which makes it worse), and sleeps all day which sucks for me because I'm a morning person. When he sleeps in his bed it incubates the built up smell and makes the ENTIRE room smell like old people.
    :yim_rolling_on_the_ I'm so sorry Wedekit.

    LostInnerSpace,

    I say challenge him to a to the death and then who ever wins gets the room and the t.v.

    He sounds kind of depressed and trying to fill this void with empty entertainment and resents you intruding on the only thing he has: his solitude. Maybe you should try talking to him and invite him out to do something fun once in while like go to the book store. INFJs do need their alone time but tell him not to be so resentful about sharing space. He knew he was getting a roommate when he signed up.
    Introverted (I) 57.14% Extroverted (E) 42.86%
    Intuitive (N) 66.67% Sensing (S) 33.33%
    Feeling (F) 61.54% Thinking (T) 38.46%
    Judging (J) 51.22% Perceiving (P) 48.78%

    Your type is: INFJ

Similar Threads

  1. [INFJ] Other miserable INFJ's here?
    By Nico_D in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 50
    Last Post: 05-08-2015, 03:42 PM
  2. [INFJ] INFJ Compatibility - INFJ's Romantic Match?
    By shadowstormz in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 339
    Last Post: 07-17-2014, 06:09 AM
  3. [INFJ] Psychic INFJ's?
    By shadowstormz in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 52
    Last Post: 04-19-2012, 11:18 AM
  4. [ENFP] ENFP + INFJ = Good Roommates?
    By LindseyLadybug in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 12-19-2009, 08:20 PM
  5. [INFJ] Any INFJ girls?
    By findthejake in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 157
    Last Post: 05-11-2008, 04:58 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO