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  1. #11
    Senior Member wedekit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by olivejuice View Post
    ok so he's probably SERIOUSLY suffering from not enough alone time. Don't stare at him. That pisses the crap out of infjs. Just tell him he's hogging the tv and to stop acting like an asshole. He will probably feel really bad and then dwell over it for days and then be really sensitive, but you know, sometimes infjs need a wake up call to reality.. people make a big deal about how kind and selfless the infjs are, and they are, but they can be self centered and totally ruled by their emotions. If you just get a little angry and tell him like it is, he will probably be mad and then go cry or something. maybe it's different for girls, but that's basically how it works i think.
    Replace crying with anger and then a sudden wave of guilt and self-consciousness and you have my version of being woken up to reality. But yeah, I totally agree with this. Like I said before, your best bet is to use his own self-loathing against him. Just tell him your perspective of what he's doing and he'll be a perfect roommate until his guilt wears off... and if you return the favor and don't do anything that would perturb him, his guilt could suddenly turn into habit.

    I'll give what bothers me as an INFJ in case this helps:

    I know one thing I do have against roommates is that they always want to have a conversation with me when I'm experiencing the only fix of alone time I can get. I'm really sensitive to stimulation and when I can't find perfect quiet somewhere I slowly turn into a monster over the course of weeks. Sometimes I go out into my car in the parking garage late at night because no one is in it and I can just lounge in my car and read or something. Maybe offer this piece of advice: The room can be a sanctuary when it's got one bed in it, otherwise get up and go somewhere else when you want to be alone. It's a sad truth I have come to learn.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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  2. #12
    Senior Member Grayscale's Avatar
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    unless someone is directly intercepting your ability to live freely, then how you respond to other people is entirely your choice.

    be the bigger man, lead by example

  3. #13
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Just lay it all out clearly and calmly. Tell him that you don't feel comfortable around him, that you feel that distance has grown, that you'd like to be there to support him and talk to him if something's wrong or if he's upset but that you won't pressure him. Tell him exactly what types of changes he needs to make and offer to make some adjustments yourself as a demonstration of good will. Then, crack open a beer or do something kinda chill together. Maybe watch a TV show, or just hang out in the same room. Something to stabilize the change.

    You could always just move out, but good, assertive communication-skills is something that will benefit you in lots and lots of areas of your life. The situation with your roommate is just one challenge of many. May as well learn to address it now where the payoff is high, the risk of backlash is low, and with someone you can identify with (c.f. some shmuck coworker). He's probably just really sad and irritable in a way unconnected to you. Everyone's been there; I'm sure you have too. Sorry if this is a repeat. I didn't read everyone's advice.

  4. #14
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    You pee in a bottle so you don't wake him up!??! Are you for real? That's crazy.

    I, too, was going to suggest that he might be in desperate need of alone-time. I usually glare at people and send out as many negative vibes as I can conjure when they interrupt my alone-time.

    If it were I, I'd like to be approached with, "I'm getting angry vibes from you. Are you angry with me? [wait for answer] Is it something else? [wait for answer] Okay, good. I'm glad you don't hate me. Let's talk about TV schedules..." That would bring it to my attention without asking me to rehash whatever is upsetting me, and assure me that you're sensitive to my vibes and that you do want good relations with me.

    On the other hand, if he asks you to pee in a bottle...:rolleyes2:

  5. #15

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    Can you give me more details on why you think he's an INFJ?

    I don't doubt he is, I just want more detail. I only know 3 INFJs and don't know any unbalanced or mean ones (and can't imagine them acting like your roommate, even on a bad day); though I'm sure they exist. One INFJ friend is severely depressed because he had a pretty horrible childhood and family life, but he never takes it out on anyone ever.

    I'm very interested in this subject, and a friend of mine told me he knew this mean INFJ, who dated his best friend (so I took the time to go meet her); he was wrong, she wasn't INFJ, but an ISTJ (and just mistyped her). I always try to find counter-examples to the stereotypes in the literature, to make sure they're accurate.

    Do you agree think your roommate just wants alone time or do you think it might be something else? Did you used to get along and it fell apart, or was it shit from the start?

    Can anyone else share stories of vindictive and mean INFJs?

  6. #16
    Senior Member LostInNerSpace's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by meanlittlechimp View Post
    Can you give me more details on why you think he's an INFJ?

    I don't doubt he is, I just want more detail. I only know 3 INFJs and don't know any unbalanced or mean ones (and can't imagine them acting like your roommate, even on a bad day); though I'm sure they exist. One INFJ friend is severely depressed because he had a pretty horrible childhood and family life, but he never takes it out on anyone ever.

    I'm very interested in this subject, and a friend of mine told me he knew this mean INFJ, who dated his best friend (so I took the time to go meet her); he was wrong, she wasn't INFJ, but an ISTJ (and just mistyped her). I always try to find counter-examples to the stereotypes in the literature, to make sure they're accurate.

    Do you agree think your roommate just wants alone time or do you think it might be something else? Did you used to get along and it fell apart, or was it shit from the start?

    Can anyone else share stories of vindictive and mean INFJs?
    He's definitely not a thinker or an extravert. He uses a lot of symbolism in his language (N). While watching David Carradine's Kung Fu series he goes into a kind of wishy washy philosophical mode and starts talking all kinds of crap, which seems to point to N and F, whereas I am only interested in fight sequences, which are almost nonexistent in that show.

    He also plays guitar, badly. The way he sings to himself leaves little doubt in my mind that he is a feeler.

  7. #17
    Senior Member LostInNerSpace's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by meanlittlechimp View Post
    Can you give me more details on why you think he's an INFJ?

    I don't doubt he is, I just want more detail. I only know 3 INFJs and don't know any unbalanced or mean ones (and can't imagine them acting like your roommate, even on a bad day); though I'm sure they exist. One INFJ friend is severely depressed because he had a pretty horrible childhood and family life, but he never takes it out on anyone ever.

    I'm very interested in this subject, and a friend of mine told me he knew this mean INFJ, who dated his best friend (so I took the time to go meet her); he was wrong, she wasn't INFJ, but an ISTJ (and just mistyped her). I always try to find counter-examples to the stereotypes in the literature, to make sure they're accurate.

    Do you agree think your roommate just wants alone time or do you think it might be something else? Did you used to get along and it fell apart, or was it shit from the start?

    Can anyone else share stories of vindictive and mean INFJs?
    One of the reasons I don't push back is because I know it is a product of low self-esteem. I don't really want to make his life any more miserable than it already is, even if he is making my life miserable.

    In a way is good because it gives my lazy int(P) ass enough insentive to go buy a house.
    :spam2:

  8. #18
    Senior Member LostInNerSpace's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wedekit View Post

    I'll give what bothers me as an INFJ in case this helps:

    I know one thing I do have against roommates is that they always want to have a conversation with me when I'm experiencing the only fix of alone time I can get. I'm really sensitive to stimulation and when I can't find perfect quiet somewhere I slowly turn into a monster over the course of weeks. Sometimes I go out into my car in the parking garage late at night because no one is in it and I can just lounge in my car and read or something. Maybe offer this piece of advice: The room can be a sanctuary when it's got one bed in it, otherwise get up and go somewhere else when you want to be alone. It's a sad truth I have come to learn.
    This sounds just like him. Fortunately I don't actually share a room with him. I would have killed him and stuffed him in the closet by now.

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