[INFP] INFP if a guy makes a move on you too fast

[think2much]

is that a deal breaker? or do you just tell him we should slow down? are you ok with kiss on the first date? Hug at least?

 

[disregard]

I think it depends on how well you know each other, how much you desire each other.. Sometimes on dates the spark just isn't there and a kiss would be wrong wrong wrong.

 

[chachamaru]

In my experience, an INFP waits a while...

 

[entropie]

I rather think they grab his arm and break his leg. And then when you lay on the ground totally baffled they smile at you graciously and show you your heart which they just ripped out of your chest !

Does that sound too dark or give away that I am involved ?

 

[BAJ]

Ha, I've practically stopped dating.

I'm totally hands off for too long. However, each person becomes "The Princess", the one I was meant to be with forever.

I was joking with a friend about this. It's like, inside, I have a knight. He wants to mount his steed and charge ahead, lance in hand. I have to pull him off his horse, and shove him back.

He staggers forward, "But it's The Princess!"

I say, "Shut up! It's not The Princess! Nor was it the other 50 times. Take a rest, for the love of peat!"



Yet even if I were still falling into "Prince" mode, just because I've idealized someone doesn't mean that I made any moves physically. In fact, I probably go so long without doing so that they other person wonders if I'm interested at all. In my case, the other person would probably have to be the initiator...and they'd have to probably be really patient.


EDIT: Whoops! I misread. Ah, same principle. She'd have to be patient. Yes, it would be a deal breaker.

 

[tkae.]

Damn, I had a perfect quote about INFP that would have totally answered your question instantly and without question, but I can't find it

Okay, so basically:

It's an Fi thing, and more importantly it's the relationship we as INFPs have with our feelings.

See, feelings are our currency. Our entire beings, our economy, is completely comprised of feelings that come in various sizes and values. Relationships are a HUGE deal. They're like... a multi-billion dollar contract, a merger between two corporations. Relationships are seriousness business, because we're talking massive amounts of currency being dealt with.

So, are you just gonna jump into a multi-billion dollar contract on a whim?

Hell no, that shit takes years to work out and craft and refine. How's the market looking? How's the other person seem? Am I gonna profit from it? And I probably need to watch the market trends to make sure that this investment is gonna be profitable for the entire foreseeable future, right?

That's how we see relationships.

We're constantly examining it and then making progress and stepping back to examine that progress. It's a huge fucking deal! We're meticulous about every little detail, so be prepared to see progress with your INFP, and then a period where they're double-checking all of the numbers to make sure the progress they've just made is stable.

Here's a quote that might help:

INFPs develop these insights through reflection, and they require substantial time alone to ponder and process new information.

Getting involved with an INFP is a patience game. We have to go over the feelings you're causing us, and it's really uncomfortable knowing that we're getting to close to someone like that. We're basically handing over our very beings to you, so we take a lot of time chewing it over and watching you, making sure you're the perfect person who will always keep us safe and won't hurt us.

Does that make sense?

So yeah, if you move to fast, it'll be a setback. It's not necessarily a deal-breaker though, unless you move so fast you can't undo it. It is a dealbreaker if you move too fast and refuse to slow down, or if you refuse to let us set the pace.

And the patience game sort of serves as a general test, ya know? If you're still around waiting for us after we've finally reached the emotional confidence in the deal, then that's a huge thing to us. That shows you're in this for the long haul like we need you to be.

But, like I said, it takes a long time. I've heard of people chasing after INFPs for years, and it taking months to get to just kissing. Because relationships are about all of the other things, it's about sitting there and talking to you and being around you. It's not just the affection.

Just be careful, because our primary shadow function is Fe, so if an INFP is stressed they'll probably move faster than they're actually comfortable moving. Then when we're not stressed, we freak out that we did something we can't undo. It's like getting drunk and waking up, realizing you've had sex with your best friend.

So it's in your best interest to pay attention for that, because it's an unintentional INFP-caused setback, which can be frustrating since we're giving you the okay and then taking it back and being mad at you about it.

But that's the reason why.

 

[chickpea]

i can't speak for all infp's, but i usually connect with someone right away or not at all. if i like the guy, i'll definitely kiss him on the first date. but i also try to avoid dates with people i'm unsure about or not interested in.

 

[rav3n]

Is this even MBTI type related? IMO, enneagram instinctual stackings covers the speed of connection better.

 

[tkae.]

i can't speak for all infp's, but i usually connect with someone right away or not at all. if i like the guy, i'll definitely kiss him on the first date. but i also try to avoid dates with people i'm unsure about or not interested in.

Is this even MBTI type related? IMO, enneagram instinctual stackings covers the speed of connection better.

Well, I mean there's a difference between speed of connection and the speed we move in a relationship, right?

I thought this thread was about how fast we move into kissing and sex and stuff?

 

[rav3n]

Well, I mean there's a difference between speed of connection and the speed we move in a relationship, right?

I thought this thread was about how fast we move into kissing and sex and stuff?

You're probably right. It's my personal view of what a connection entails which covers the physical as it relates to the intellectual/emotional, that produced my response which took it too far.

 

[chickpea]

Well, I mean there's a difference between speed of connection and the speed we move in a relationship, right?

I thought this thread was about how fast we move into kissing and sex and stuff?

oh, well honestly i don't take things physically slow with guys at all if i like them. does make a move mean initiating sex? if a guy tried that too early i'd just tell him not yet or say no. not a dealbreaker at all.

 

[BAJ]

Of course, this thread is asking girls.

I'm envious in a way since the guy is expected to make the move, and well, I usually don't.

Actually, I did an experiment to follow after a dominatrix for a few weeks. But the "deal breaker" there was pulling my armpit hair out by the roots while I was driving. I liked that she took the lead and seemed to know what she was doing, but I deemed her unsafe or not fun.

 

[disregard]

I made the move w/ my boyfriend. I asked him out, I kissed him first... and things turned out great. I don't think guys are expected to make moves like you think they are. Women go after what they want, too.

 

[INFtha14]

Everything Tkae said explains everything about how I would go about it.
Seriously... I could of wrote all that and it would of been generally the same. I agree with everything on there.
Whether that's a sp sx/infp thing and/or just coming from a very cautious trait.

.

 

[BAJ]

I made the move w/ my boyfriend. I asked him out, I kissed him first... and things turned out great. I don't think guys are expected to make moves like you think they are. Women go after what they want, too.