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  1. #1
    From the Undertow CuriousFeeling's Avatar
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    Default Differences between INFJs and ENFJs as children

    What's the main differences between INFJs and ENFJs as children? INFJs, have you seemed relatively outgoing as kids that you'd seem extroverted, or were you always more on the quiet and shy side, or more likely to hang out on your own? Likewise, ENFJs, did you have a quiet side to you as a kid, or were you mostly more outgoing and enjoyed social interaction?

    I'm an INFJ, but I seemed a bit more outgoing as a kid, a bit of a chatterbox (rambling type though), although I didn't mind alone time at all and was fine playing on my own. But, I didn't mind social interaction either. I suppose I was an ambivert at the time.

    Anyone else go through something similar to this?
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    Johari/Nohari

    “Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings -- always darker, emptier and simpler.”
    ― Friedrich Nietzsche




  2. #2
    Senior Member Sparrow's Avatar
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    When I was 4 years old I remember being really shy, I would hide behind my moms leg when new people came around (maybe because I was an only child??). But I was pretty out going when I started going to school, I went up to random kids and asked if they wanted to make friends. I also remember seeing new kids move in to my neighborhood, I would knock on their door and ask if they wanted to play . I started clubs all the time too I miss being a kid!
    Fe | Ni | Se | Ti ... 3w4 ... Lawful Neutral ... Johari -Nohari

  3. #3
    violaine
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    ^Aw. How cute!

    Yay, an NFJs fave topic - their own and others' childhoods! :-)

    I am more outgoing as an adult but as a kid I couldn't have cared much less for interacting with the external world. And there is no way that anyone would have described me as outgoing. I liked solitary pursuits - reading, playing with lego, being outside in our garden but in the secret parts of it. I hated being pulled out of my head when I was off pondering something, which was most of the time. I studied people's behavior almost involuntarily. I always felt slightly disconnected from people and the world around me, like I was watching things go by but not being impacted. Luckily, I had an outgoing brother and sister so I would just kind of experience the world whenever I was dragged along somewhere with them. Unless they were doing something I deemed stupid, nothing would make me do anything I thought was stupid. (Like mugging for family films, playing instruments for people who dropped in to visit at home, etc). I had to be absolutely forced into piano recitals even though I loved learning the piano and I was hateful on those days and would always be really resentful about feeling put on show. I was super shy as a teenager but not awkward. And quiet and placid unless something felt very unfair, then I would dig my heels in and no one could move me. I refused to take part in certain gym classes because girls had to wear a skirt and the guys were pervs, I thought that was outrageous. So my gym teacher might have thought I had an attitude problem, I suppose. I still didn't appear to be outgoing though. I always had a sense for underdogs and I would stick up for anyone being picked on, more timidly when I was younger, unless it was something extremely unfair, then I would get quite bold. Very private about my own feelings and I didn't like anyone being able to see them easily.

    Having mental freedom to roam was the most important thing to me. I think my family might have thought something was slightly wrong with me as I was so dreamy, haha. (They were very loving and accepting of me though and I grew out of it. :-) )

  4. #4
    Senior Member tibby's Avatar
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    My mother is ENFJ and hearing stories about how she was as a kid is completely different from me. She was extremely social and active. She would go up against anyone who was causing trouble to others and had a real fighting / justice spirit, was involved with all kinds of freetime activities from sports to politics and she'd get along with anyone and seeked people and stimulation out constantly.

    Actually I did share some things with her. I was very physical and in kindergarten I loved to perform. Then I got to school and I got self-aware. I loved sports and doing things with others in smaller groups but I also sensed this disconnectedness sometimes. I would just leave, go to nature or something. And dream.

    I also used to share lot of my feelings and thoughts in writing, I wrote a lot of letters to my parents and friends. I preferred writing in communication, whereas I reckon my ENFJ mom preferred to be verbal.

  5. #5
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    I have a few memories before 5 years old.. I know I was hell on wheels.
    By the time I was 7 .. I was on Ritalin by the time I was 8.. My Ritalin was replaced for good old fashioned Valium (Diazapam).
    By the time I was 9.. I was an Intellect but very violent.. I fought a lot of the boys and loved all the girls.. I hung out with my dogs, read, read, read some more and went on a lot of solo adventures.. I also played sports .. a lot.. I had a tendency to pick up kids who were more fucked up than me and bring them home for lunch.. My mom loved this
    By the time I was 11.. I had become less violent and more social.. I had Girlfriends and even a few nerdy male friends .. I played sports still.. despite this and excelled. I was unruly and considered a brilliant odd ball by the schools. I was still over all a loner.
    By the time I was 14.. the violence had almost gone and I was becoming a real freak by normal standards..
    My charisma and intelligence were undeniable.. but I was rebelling against EVERYTHING..
    I was a true Iconoclast at this point. I lived to expose and defeat the system.
    I could reduce teachers to quivering messes and enjoyed doing so.. I could take command of the classroom.
    I was sent to see psychiatrists and such.
    By the time I was 16.. I had disciples.. I was called Jason Prophet.. everyone knew me and I knew everyone..But no one knew me.
    I was unclassifiable. I hung out with punks, rockers, break dancers, preps, nerds,geeks and spazzes, jocks, druggies and the "IN" crowd..
    But no owned me or could call me "theirs".
    I dated the weird chicks that no one else liked .. even if they were hot.. Prolly INF types
    I got lots of phone calls at 3am from people needing comfort and advice.
    I was not very violent at all at this point.. But still spent most of my time alone or with my GF.
    By 18 .. I hated violence.. and I started growing up. It's been a long process..

  6. #6
    From the Undertow CuriousFeeling's Avatar
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    As a child, I was kind of sociable with others, but more into my studies and lived in my own world of imagination. I got along well with others, knew how to treat them, and wanted to include them in my playing pretend games. Trouble was, a lot of people really weren't into playing pretend, only a few were, so I hung out with them. People thought I was strange because I was more into studying, reading books, writing stories, and playing imaginative games. More of my peers were into playing sports or getting onto the monkey bars. I didn't mind playing by myself, or with others. I viewed the world from my own little bubble, and what knowledge I had about a topic, curious about the hows and whys of the world around me. I'd be entertained easily by just sitting in the grass and picking flowers.

    When it came to the classroom, I eagerly participated in class discussions, raised my hand often when I knew the answer. Just, I'd find it difficult to work with others in a group setting. A lot of my ideas weren't readily accepted, and I felt like the kids were rejecting me, and I got very frustrated. I was quite a moody kid, and struggled whenever I felt frustrated that I couldn't do something, or the kids didn't like me because they would tease me and stuff. Was quite an emotional kid, and kind of lacked self-confidence. Took me ages to develop it.

    But even when I was a kid, I was out of step with my peers, and I knew it. I felt kind of old-fashioned in terms of actually wanting affection from my family (when most kids thought getting hugs and kisses were gross), thought that girls and boys should get along with each other (although most boys said that girls had the cooties at that age, lol), and really didn't care for loud and boisterous activity. I preferred a calmer atmosphere where I could connect with people one-on-one, and be as imaginative and creative as possible, treat others with kindness. Didn't like it when kids would be late to class, or were being disruptive in class. Being at school was for learning, and I loved learning.... loved studying, finding out new things. Would come home from school and tell my parents about what I had learned in class and connect it to what was going on at home. I did struggle with remembering details though.

    As a teenager, I was quite blunt, and a bit cynical, sensitive, hopeless romantic, and a bit insecure, I must admit. But, I was very focused on what I wanted for myself in the future, career and family stuff. Ever since I was a kid, I yearned to be a grown-up... I felt like I wasn't in the right time frame of my life... years ahead of myself. Still, I also enjoyed interacting with others, going to dances and stuff, but it wasn't like I had to have all of the attention.

    Not quite sure if this would classify me as an ENFJ kid or INFJ kid. But, I've gotten a bit more introverted as time progressed.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    Johari/Nohari

    “Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings -- always darker, emptier and simpler.”
    ― Friedrich Nietzsche




  7. #7
    Senior Member FakePlasticAlice's Avatar
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    I was a very shy kid. I remember people saying to my mom, "aww she's so shy!", while i hid behind her. Actions and interactions aren't the predominant thing i remember, but my inner dialogue.. i was so very inside my head. There were a few kids that i was outgoing around, but they were just a few. I had very few friends growing up. Certain activities that i enjoyed and excelled at opened me up while participating in them.. but as soon as it was over i would shut down again... i still do this today. I think, perhaps, that i could have learned to manage my shyness.. but a string of traumatic events caused me to go further in. It wasn't just shyness anymore..social anxiety disorder took it's place and has ruled my life ever since.
    "You can't take a picture of this...it's already gone."

    “But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?”
    -Mark Twain

  8. #8
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arclight View Post
    I have a few memories before 5 years old.. I know I was hell on wheels.
    By the time I was 7 .. I was on Ritalin by the time I was 8.. My Ritalin was replaced for good old fashioned Valium (Diazapam).
    By the time I was 9.. I was an Intellect but very violent.. I fought a lot of the boys and loved all the girls.. I hung out with my dogs, read, read, read some more and went on a lot of solo adventures.. I also played sports .. a lot.. I had a tendency to pick up kids who were more fucked up than me and bring them home for lunch.. My mom loved this
    By the time I was 11.. I had become less violent and more social.. I had Girlfriends and even a few nerdy male friends .. I played sports still.. despite this and excelled. I was unruly and considered a brilliant odd ball by the schools. I was still over all a loner.
    By the time I was 14.. the violence had almost gone and I was becoming a real freak by normal standards..
    My charisma and intelligence were undeniable.. but I was rebelling against EVERYTHING..
    I was a true Iconoclast at this point. I lived to expose and defeat the system.
    I could reduce teachers to quivering messes and enjoyed doing so.. I could take command of the classroom.
    I was sent to see psychiatrists and such.

    By the time I was 16.. I had disciples.. I was called Jason Prophet.. everyone knew me and I knew everyone..But no one knew me.
    I was unclassifiable. I hung out with punks, rockers, break dancers, preps, nerds,geeks and spazzes, jocks, druggies and the "IN" crowd..
    But no owned me or could call me "theirs".

    I dated the weird chicks that no one else liked .. even if they were hot.. Prolly INF types
    I got lots of phone calls at 3am from people needing comfort and advice.
    I was not very violent at all at this point.. But still spent most of my time alone or with my GF.
    By 18 .. I hated violence.. and I started growing up. It's been a long process..
    all the stuff in bold is SO me. your childhood sounds like the archtypical childhood of an entrepreneur

  9. #9
    Badoom~ Skyward's Avatar
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    I am sure that my six year old host-sister I had when I was in Finland was an ENFJ. Around kids near her age and people she knows she's quite outgoing, but around new 'big people' she's quite shy (fitting with what ENFJs have said about themselves, it seems)

    Also she seems more mature for her age, understanding how people interact and what actions get what responses. Certainly she's still a little tot, but the makings of some real social skill are showing through already.

    As an INFJ I was pretty reserved. I liked to watch TV and make things, usually with legos and with no real design in mind. Just making for makings sake. Having a design in mind makes it feel like a job and no fun. Also, I watched a lot of educational television and preferred shows that were live-action rather than cartoons. Top three? Billy Nye, Zoom, and Magic Schoolbus.

    Even though I kept to myself a lot, if someone I was comfortable with was there and I got onto a tangent I would be a chatterbox. I also liked playing imagination.
    'Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and its better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.' - Marilyn Monroe

    This is who I am, escapist, paradise-seeker.
    -Nightwish

    Anthropology Major out of Hamline University. St. Paul, Minnesota.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elfboy View Post
    all the stuff in bold is SO me. your childhood sounds like the archtypical childhood of an entrepreneur
    That's a very surprising and interesting observation. I have never considered myself to have an entrepreneurial spirit .. More Like a rouge spirit..
    But certainly a thought provoking idea.

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