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  1. #1
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    Unhappy Why I am Sad - Maybe someone else can relate?

    I feel left out. :'(

    That is the number one, dominant, primary reason. If I was included in the social lives of my peers, and paid attention to at school and on weekends, I would be significantly happier. This means getting invited to parties, hanging out, and included in conversations at school. I feel like I am missing out on average teenage experiences that everyone else has already experienced many times. Here is a list of the things I have yet to do (and all of my peers have already done at least 1 or 2 of them).

    - Have a boyfriend, kissed by a boy, be in love, dance with a boy to a slow song at a school dance, talk on the phone with a friend just because, have best friend(s), go to a party with no parents, exposure to alchohol/etc in company of friends, get drunk/high, hang out with a group of friends, helped out a friend who was sad/crying/going through a tough time

    By the way, I do have a few friends who I see at school, but they have already experienced all these things back in grade 9 and 10, and now being in grade 12 they feel satisfied enough.

    Where did I go wrong? Can I change this before it’s too late? I'm 17, am I too old now?
    If you understand, or have also experienced none of these things at my age, please let me know I'm not alone, because I'm convinced that I am :'(

  2. #2
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    yes, there is no hope for you, you can either a.) except it and live a miserable existence, or you can b.) hang your self

    actually it's not a big deal you have college still. you're only a failure if you graduate college not experiencing those things. or maybe it simply doesn't matter in the big scheme of things.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  3. #3
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    Stay on a positive, productive path and happiness will fall into place.

    I would stay in school, get a job, start making money, get in shape, develop some interests..

    It will come to you, just not at the snap of your fingers. It took me 22 years to get to where I feel happy and complete. You know what it took? Me taking action.

    Nothing wrong with experimenting with drugs and alcohol when you're young, but it definitely won't make you feel "in". I did all of that and I still felt like an outcast.

    Self-esteem is at the root of the problem, which is why you need to work on creating a good life for yourself.

  4. #4
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    of course you can start now, you're not too old. one is never too old. consider someone who has awakened from a coma, or who has been medically disabled for whatever reason until their 17th year: would you say they are too old? of course not! you're being harder on yourself than i think you would be with someone else... try to look at yourself through another's eyes

    i did not really start dating and had not kissed someone who i really liked until college either, so don't worry, you're not alone. i have also met people in their 20s who have not done these things, and several of them are very healthy, whole people.

    as for what has happened, well, what do you think is the reason you do not have more friends, if you would like to have them? it's a little hard to go off the information we have now

    Quote Originally Posted by disregard
    Stay on a positive, productive path and happiness will fall into place.

    I would stay in school, get a job, start making money, get in shape, develop some interests..
    i agree very much with this

    joining some clubs or interest groups might be helpful. that is an easy way to start relating to people because you already have things in common, and then you can take it from there.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by discoverhiddenjules View Post
    I feel left out. :'(

    That is the number one, dominant, primary reason. If I was included in the social lives of my peers, and paid attention to at school and on weekends, I would be significantly happier. This means getting invited to parties, hanging out, and included in conversations at school. I feel like I am missing out on average teenage experiences that everyone else has already experienced many times. Here is a list of the things I have yet to do (and all of my peers have already done at least 1 or 2 of them).

    - Have a boyfriend, kissed by a boy, be in love, dance with a boy to a slow song at a school dance, talk on the phone with a friend just because, have best friend(s), go to a party with no parents, exposure to alchohol/etc in company of friends, get drunk/high, hang out with a group of friends, helped out a friend who was sad/crying/going through a tough time

    By the way, I do have a few friends who I see at school, but they have already experienced all these things back in grade 9 and 10, and now being in grade 12 they feel satisfied enough.

    Where did I go wrong? Can I change this before it’s too late? I'm 17, am I too old now?
    If you understand, or have also experienced none of these things at my age, please let me know I'm not alone, because I'm convinced that I am :'(
    It's a cliché, but it's true: you have your whole life ahead of you. You can change anything about you that you want if you decide to, for good or ill, and that is the only kind of change that is meaningful because it impacts the light shed on your view of the universe. I wish I could transplant all of my experiences into your head so you could see how much of what you are going through right now both does and does not matter.

    If you ever want to talk to someone who has been there and is still there, message me any time.
    "The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things." - Rainer Maria Rilke

  6. #6
    Senior Member BAJ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by discoverhiddenjules View Post
    I feel left out. :'(
    Have a boyfriend, kissed by a boy, be in love, dance with a boy to a slow song at a school dance, talk on the phone with a friend just because, have best friend(s), go to a party with no parents, exposure to alchohol/etc in company of friends, get drunk/high, hang out with a group of friends, helped out a friend who was sad/crying/going through a tough time
    I can relate to sadness in various ways. Yet, I'm the one to tell you how to get the cookies out of those jars. Also, I'm 40 next month.

    (1.) I would not say I've had a successful romantic relationship. Still looking for the right person.

    (2.) I guess I've been to a party without parents. I drank gin and talked to people. I think I was your age or a little older. The party was bad for me. I'm not saying what your party will be like, even if you had one. In the party a girl told me about her sexual abuse from the age of six. I was so upset that I climbed a tree the backyard, and refused to come down. I was breaking tree limbs off and throwing them at people who wouldn't leave me alone. The party made me feel much more sad than I already was. I became very depressed after that party.

    (3.) I did drink with friends, but it was meaningless. This probably happened around 18. I stayed myself. It didn't give me magical powers to fall in love or resolve any great mystery. It did not make me feel less alone. This incident happened at different time than the party.

    (4.) I guess this probably is a role for me, apparently. I seem to be an ear for friends to tell me things. However, this dawned on me later. Now sometimes even random strangers the tell me their problems. A lady just started talking to me in the grocery store about all her husbands problems and stuff. Be careful what you wish for!

    There is so much I could tell you. I've felt similar to you. I've give notes to people with very similar issues...especially the romantic one. Also, I've been depressed. Even though some of my issues were similar, people could be depressed for a lot of reasons.

    It's like there are jars on a shelf, and you can't seem to reach it. You want those cookies. You've built them up to be something amazing. First, they aren't all that great for the ones I tried. Second, various people want things and their "cookies" may be different, but they feel they want them just as bad. Third, be careful of people offering you a cookie because it might not be what you expect. You may be in love, but he may just want your candy.

    My experience (at age 40) is how to live, and pretty much be happy, when all the "cookie jars" of desire are broken in a heap. When all these pains are piled up, or the cookies are smashed by other people in front of you. I have mystical abilities! And I certainly would not trade them for 400 parties or getting drunk with friends. I will not trade my happiness for a romantic venture either, I must be able to bring my happiness with me.

    I do have my pains and things that stress me. I wish I could return to your age with what skills I have now.

    Alas, I learned to "walk through fire" by being on fire. (This a metaphor, don't go light yourself on fire.) IMHO you have an opportunity to embrace your situation. If you embrace this, you may gain skills which are far more valuable.

    Imagine someone ready to jump off a bridge because he doesn't get a sports car. The sports car is just as essential for him as your issues are for you. Then at the last minute, someone gives him what he thinks is the exact thing he wants. So he feels great. But the feeling doesn't last for three months. Either the car is destroyed or breaks, or he now wants something else. So he is depressed again. He's treating the symptoms. Every time he gets one kind of cookie, a different jar appears on the shelf too high for him to reach. The most amazing sight is right behind him! It's around the corner! But he won't leave the shelf. If he just turned around, he'd see all the things to be grateful for.

    Although I had to go through a lot of sadness and pain to get where I am. I hope for you to have happiness sooner. And still depressions attack me, but it's mostly about other things.

  7. #7
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    [QUOTEWhere did I go wrong? Can I change this before it’s too late? I'm 17, am I too old now?
    If you understand, or have also experienced none of these things at my age, please let me know I'm not alone, because I'm convinced that I am :'( ][/QUOTE]
    too old? lol you're 17! of course you're not too old. I laugh because I'm only 19 and I feel old sometimes too and I'm mostly laughing at myself. but, when you look at it objectively, it's a rather irrational feeling if you're concerned about being too old sexually, well, you live in the 21st century. women nowadays can look sexy and beautiful well into their 40s if they take good care of themselves.
    I can relate to most of what you said, especially about not kissing a boy, but there are a bizillion other potentially good guys all over the world that you have the chance to be with (for myself that number is significantly lower, lol).
    perhaps a good place to start would be to write down all the things you think you will need to be happy. for many people, this list will be relatively short and simple, but if you're like me, you will have a VERY long list. more importantly though, writing a list of everything that you DON'T want and how to avoid/rid yourself of these things. for example, some of these things may include:
    - toxic personal relationships
    - being confined to a cubical 9 hours a day
    - being constrained by other people's rules and expectations.
    - a high stress job that taxes your emotional reserves (even in ENFPs, these take a while to recharge, I can only imagine for INFPs and ISFPs it's even more prominent)

    good luck

  8. #8
    Senior Member Eckhart's Avatar
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    I can relate, and I am 21. Never had a relationship to a girl, never kissed one, never was at a disco. Had some friends at school but not that kind of people that would do things with you outside of school, and who would occassionally let you high and dry at school. Always one of the last to be chosen for group works or at sport teams, always the guy no girl really wanted to dance with in dance lessons. Only invited to parties when basically everyone was invited anyway. Which is all odd because people didn't really seem to dislike me, at least most of them, they even showed some interest in me. But still I was unpopular, and after school was finished no one cared about me anymore.

    It is not always easy to live with it, because it nags obviously on your self-esteem, but if you can remind yourself that you are not a bad person, that you have valueable aspects on your personality and try to just live your life with, you can get along with it. Also keep in mind that all the other people are not happy in their lives and involved in sociality better because they are all so awesome people. I know people who are really obnoxious and not really liked but still involved in activities just because they are penetrant enough to find their way in. If you would really want do be in at all costs, you could easily fit into it too, you just have to be cheeky enough I believe Of course that is not so easy when your self-esteem is already damaged, I know it from myself and suffer the same issues still. But I have not given up on things yet and I will work on being more open to people and trying to be less concerned about myself and others, and maybe it will one time get better.

    You are still young with 17, and you shouldn't make yourself trouble with all those things you feel you are missing on. I am sure here are many people who will be better at giving you suggestions on how to change things, since I am not really a successful example , but I am sure you can still change things if you really want to!

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by discoverhiddenjules View Post
    Have a boyfriend, kissed by a boy, be in love, dance with a boy to a slow song at a school dance, talk on the phone with a friend just because, have best friend(s), go to a party with no parents, exposure to alchohol/etc in company of friends, get drunk/high, hang out with a group of friends, helped out a friend who was sad/crying/going through a tough time
    If it makes you feel any better:

    1) I only start dating when I was 23 years old.

    2) Alcohol is not all that, really.

  10. #10
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by discoverhiddenjules View Post
    I feel left out. :'(

    That is the number one, dominant, primary reason. If I was included in the social lives of my peers, and paid attention to at school and on weekends, I would be significantly happier. This means getting invited to parties, hanging out, and included in conversations at school. I feel like I am missing out on average teenage experiences that everyone else has already experienced many times. Here is a list of the things I have yet to do (and all of my peers have already done at least 1 or 2 of them).

    - Have a boyfriend, kissed by a boy, be in love, dance with a boy to a slow song at a school dance, talk on the phone with a friend just because, have best friend(s), go to a party with no parents, exposure to alchohol/etc in company of friends, get drunk/high, hang out with a group of friends, helped out a friend who was sad/crying/going through a tough time

    By the way, I do have a few friends who I see at school, but they have already experienced all these things back in grade 9 and 10, and now being in grade 12 they feel satisfied enough.

    Where did I go wrong? Can I change this before it’s too late? I'm 17, am I too old now?
    If you understand, or have also experienced none of these things at my age, please let me know I'm not alone, because I'm convinced that I am :'(
    Tons of people your age (and older) fit this exact description (I bet if you search threads here, you'll find a number of them)

    High school is the low point of many, many people's lives. Don't worry about it. Worry in a useful way: think of ways to improve your social life both now and in college/after HS.
    -end of thread-

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