I can relate, and I am 21. Never had a relationship to a girl, never kissed one, never was at a disco. Had some friends at school but not that kind of people that would do things with you outside of school, and who would occassionally let you high and dry at school. Always one of the last to be chosen for group works or at sport teams, always the guy no girl really wanted to dance with in dance lessons. Only invited to parties when basically everyone was invited anyway. Which is all odd because people didn't really seem to dislike me, at least most of them, they even showed some interest in me. But still I was unpopular, and after school was finished no one cared about me anymore.
It is not always easy to live with it, because it nags obviously on your self-esteem, but if you can remind yourself that you are not a bad person, that you have valueable aspects on your personality and try to just live your life with, you can get along with it. Also keep in mind that all the other people are not happy in their lives and involved in sociality better because they are all so awesome people. I know people who are really obnoxious and not really liked but still involved in activities just because they are penetrant enough to find their way in. If you would really want do be in at all costs, you could easily fit into it too, you just have to be cheeky enough I believe Of course that is not so easy when your self-esteem is already damaged, I know it from myself and suffer the same issues still. But I have not given up on things yet and I will work on being more open to people and trying to be less concerned about myself and others, and maybe it will one time get better.
You are still young with 17, and you shouldn't make yourself trouble with all those things you feel you are missing on. I am sure here are many people who will be better at giving you suggestions on how to change things, since I am not really a successful example , but I am sure you can still change things if you really want to!
hahaha you're situation was the opposite of mine. when I was in high school, people thought that I was really cool, but everyone hated me. they didn't say it to my face because I was extremely choleric and confident, but occasionally they would try and tear me down in number, and this didn't work either. truthfully, I was a bit of a diva in high school (okay more than a bit) and people hated me because I was eccentric, bold and outspoken and rejected everyone who tried to be my friend (I have a problem with this). so, naturally, they just labeled me as a lone wolf and tried to team up on me.
That is the number one, dominant, primary reason. If I was included in the social lives of my peers, and paid attention to at school and on weekends, I would be significantly happier. This means getting invited to parties, hanging out, and included in conversations at school. I feel like I am missing out on average teenage experiences that everyone else has already experienced many times. Here is a list of the things I have yet to do (and all of my peers have already done at least 1 or 2 of them).
- Have a boyfriend, kissed by a boy, be in love, dance with a boy to a slow song at a school dance, talk on the phone with a friend just because, have best friend(s), go to a party with no parents, exposure to alchohol/etc in company of friends, get drunk/high, hang out with a group of friends, helped out a friend who was sad/crying/going through a tough time
By the way, I do have a few friends who I see at school, but they have already experienced all these things back in grade 9 and 10, and now being in grade 12 they feel satisfied enough.
Where did I go wrong? Can I change this before it’s too late? I'm 17, am I too old now?
If you understand, or have also experienced none of these things at my age, please let me know I'm not alone, because I'm convinced that I am :'(
Your not alone. I am 30 but have a 17 yr old brother that I am SUPER close with, and he confides in me alot of the same fears you have going on. Highschool is a really hard time. Most people didn't have the best experience. You might think that everyone else is having a great time and doing lots of stuff, but there are alot of kids in your same shoes. The coolest people I've ever met didn't really come into themselves until they were out of highschool. You are fine the way you are and no matter what, life changes and you will change. I promise this =D But if you are really unhappy and want to be more social.. you need to take a good, hard look at it and ask yourself why your not. Are you afraid to initiate with people? Afraid you will be seen as wierd or rejected? Everyone is afraid of this! You've just got to suck it up sometimes and make the first move. You've got alot of things to look forward to, and college is fresh start with new people.
Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts