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  1. #61
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Oh yeah, as far as silence, it can mean that it just needs invitation to express the negative, or it can be their way of trying to recalibrate when there is hurt. It can also mean that they are in a bad state emotionally. A Fe user that's doing okay will usually be kind of noisier than most Fi-ers about what is going on, but it's actually a good sign. A Fe user that's not doing so good will tend to talk less. That's when you should worry about them and start asking questions to find out where the problem lies.
    The Fe user I know, this is completely true about the talking and the silence. Your thoughts on this have confirmed what I've observed. Being Fi, I'm usually only concerned with what I'm feeling in respect to how my friends are feeling. I've learned that with Fe, there is more of an expectation that the feeling should be on the surface. If it's not, it makes them uncomfortable and therefore, silent. But my silence doesn't mean rejection. In these situations, I've forced myself to talk as someone with Fe needs that. I do too, but I don't mind long silences.

  2. #62
    ReflecTcelfeR
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    Hm... Thank you for your insights! I'll think on these and see if I can think of some other issues related to your answers.

  3. #63
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I don't mind long silences if they are someone with whom I know what that means. I do tend to get kind of panicky if someone I love is acting uncharacteristically though and yet they don't voice any of what is wrong. I immediately assume the worst (because it's usually pretty serious when I act like that even when someone has made it clear they would welcome knowing) and can't seem to just go ahead and do my own thing until I either have more information or am assured that things are going to be okay quite soon and that it has nothing to do with me or anything that is within my power to affect.

    I think Fiers find this rather clingy and invasive. However, Feers are just projecting what those kinds of actions would mean if it were them and trying to do what is right. I am terrified of emotional surprises that come out of nowhere. Knowing the worst is much better than not having a clue of what might be wrong and without any information I can't just kind of calm down. Conversely, Feers sort of feel rejected or that Fiers are uncaring by leaving them to their own devices when they get quiet and distressed. By that point, it is usually a pretty serious problem with the Feers and they just can't fathom that the other party doesn't realize that. They assume they are disinterested, not realizing that the Fier is not aware of how serious the problem is and also is being polite according to Fi rules and waiting for the Feer to bring whatever it is up when they are ready to.

  4. #64
    Uniqueorn William K's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    So I guess, to answer your question... in an ideal situation, both sides, regardless of emotion, would still care enough about getting the problem solved that they would be able to consider the causes of their emotions in the process of problem-solving. However, if the emotional party isn't wanting to back down - and keep in mind that I'm a Te type so my priorities are probably different from yours - then if you care about finding a solution, you'll be the one to compromise. Whatever needs to get done to find a solution, should get done.
    But is there a 'problem' to be solved in the first place? Or are you referring to the problem of both sides misunderstanding each other?
    4w5, Fi>Ne>Ti>Si>Ni>Fe>Te>Se, sp > so > sx

    appreciates being appreciated, conflicted over conflicts, afraid of being afraid, bad at being bad, predictably unpredictable, consistently inconsistent, remarkably unremarkable...

    I may not agree with what you are feeling, but I will defend to death your right to have a good cry over it

    The whole problem with the world is that fools & fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts. ~ Bertrand Russell

  5. #65
    Uniqueorn William K's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReflecttcelfeR View Post
    I skipped the last page so if this was brought up then disregard.

    How do you react if someone tells you that the emotion you're feeling is irrational and you find they're right? Would you want them to alert you to this fact, or even still let you continue with it?
    Personally, this would be akin to someone telling me my taste buds are not working because I think that <food_name> tastes good. Or my eardrums must be broken because I like to listen to <musician>. It is a subjective thing.

    Now, I've had people tell me to "Snap out of it!" and I would agree with them, especially if what I'm feeling is leaking out and affecting others around me. The rest of the time though, just leave me be
    4w5, Fi>Ne>Ti>Si>Ni>Fe>Te>Se, sp > so > sx

    appreciates being appreciated, conflicted over conflicts, afraid of being afraid, bad at being bad, predictably unpredictable, consistently inconsistent, remarkably unremarkable...

    I may not agree with what you are feeling, but I will defend to death your right to have a good cry over it

    The whole problem with the world is that fools & fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts. ~ Bertrand Russell

  6. #66
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by William K View Post
    But is there a 'problem' to be solved in the first place? Or are you referring to the problem of both sides misunderstanding each other?
    With that post, I was only - and I mean ONLY - responding to ReflecttcelfeR's question - i.e. what to do if you want to tell someone that their emotions are irrational. I'm not sure why I put that hypothetical situation into a problem-solving context, except that it was the only one where I could possibly think of a good reason why telling someone that they're irrational would actually be a useful thing to do.

    All my responses to the OP are earlier in the thread
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  7. #67
    ReflecTcelfeR
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    I think I am more of a "Snap out of it kind of person." It's kind of like Fe is lightening the mood up, but it's still probably not the best way to handle the situation as it means I'm making light of it still, and if they ask me why then I can go all Ti percision. So I suppose it is a tactic to get them to ask why wherin I don't feel that bad for giving them my reasoning.

  8. #68
    Uniqueorn William K's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReflecttcelfeR View Post
    I think I am more of a "Snap out of it kind of person." It's kind of like Fe is lightening the mood up, but it's still probably not the best way to handle the situation as it means I'm making light of it still, and if they ask me why then I can go all Ti percision. So I suppose it is a tactic to get them to ask why wherin I don't feel that bad for giving them my reasoning.
    I can understand that, though how people react to it will be different. What about people who are irrationally happy or irrationally stoic? Would you advise them to snap out of it too? Or is it just for 'negative' feelings?
    4w5, Fi>Ne>Ti>Si>Ni>Fe>Te>Se, sp > so > sx

    appreciates being appreciated, conflicted over conflicts, afraid of being afraid, bad at being bad, predictably unpredictable, consistently inconsistent, remarkably unremarkable...

    I may not agree with what you are feeling, but I will defend to death your right to have a good cry over it

    The whole problem with the world is that fools & fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts. ~ Bertrand Russell

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