User Tag List

View Poll Results: About direction in life...

Voters
21. You may not vote on this poll
  • ...have you found your way?

    5 23.81%
  • ...are you looking for your way?

    10 47.62%
  • ...What way??

    6 28.57%
123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 43

  1. #1
    Senior Member musttry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    118

    Default Early thirties and direction in life

    I realise that I should be speaking to my shrink about this but I figure an outside input from anonymous people might also be beneficial. Nice introduction

    So, I am 32, have a masters in marketing, am a senior analyst in a research firm, living with my gf since last summer, am taking night classes to obtain a certificate in math, work out and do yoga twice a week...and I'm bored!

    Question 1 (in addition to the pole)
    Does anybody else feel bored even if their life is full and socially acceptable?


    I am continuously searching for the next step, planning for it, researching it and dreaming about it. In this regard I have decided to go do my Ph.D., despite the fact that I am "on track".

    Question 2
    This sounds like dreamer behaviour to me. Can anyone else relate? Is this an "n" thing, a "j" thing, an "nf" thing or a an NiFeTi thing? Is anyone else addicted to living in the future?


    I continuously dream up of ways to get out of my present situation such as quitting my job, having an affair, taking off somewhere alone, etc.

    Question 3
    Is this a type thing? Does this imply deep dissatisfaction with one's life? Does it go away? If so, for everyone or are NFs continuously looking for greener grass?


    Character-wise, I'm fairly serious, although I like to goof around with my gf. Nevertheless, I don't look to have fun, to have it easy, to back away from effort (like
    my gf does). I need a challenge to know in which direction I am going. Once it gets easy, I quit. Which means that I never get extremely good at anything. The only constants in my life have been studying and running (as in races and triathlons). People at work have mentioned that I seem to have a stick up the ass, although I have softened since being with my gf.

    I am afraid of relaxing because I equate it to laziness.

    Question 4
    Has anybody found a way to START relaxing without feeling guilty (as in, could not relax but now can, not just generally being able to relax)? Is it the beginning of your demise?


    This worries me because I have met other men who are now in their forties and still haven't found their way and still haven't built anything because they are still searching. When did you find your way? Did you find your way? Were you looking for your way? Is finding your way equal to accepting the present? or is it equal to finding that challenge that will keep you moving in a direction?

    Thanks for reading my meanderings. I'm open to any comment.

  2. #2
    meinmeinmein! mmhmm's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    2,300

    Default

    i'm 30. i'm in management consulting for marcomm.

    Does anybody else feel bored even if their life is full and socially acceptable?

    i rarely feel bored. i just always want more. always hungry for more.
    what is socially acceptable anyway? hahhaha. i never care about
    that. i do what i do. and i think i'm fantastic at that. easier to
    just live life the way you want to.

    Is anyone else addicted to living in the future?

    i dream big. it gives my an incredible outlook for all the
    possibilities in life. i love that trait most about myself.
    what i like even more is i go after it and make it mine.
    i'll lose interest in some things along the way, but i'm
    fine with that. because the things that do stick. oh wow.

    Is this a type thing? Does this imply deep dissatisfaction with one's life? Does it go away? If so, for everyone or are NFs continuously looking for greener grass?

    it's not so much dissatisfaction for me. i just want to
    experience everything. hungry. i think it's also in the
    nature of the job that i do to always find and discover
    new things. that's also how i live my life. in a way
    i bundle everything together under the same theme
    but compartmentalize the details. i'd never want it to
    go away. complacency is a dirty word.

    success is dangerous. one begins to copy oneself,
    and to copy oneself is more dangerous than to copy others.
    it leads to sterility. -pablo picasso

    Has anybody found a way to START relaxing without feeling guilty (as in, could not relax but now can, not just generally being able to relax)? Is it the beginning of your demise?

    i never feel guilty for relaxing. i work hard, play hard.
    so cliche but it's true. i love what i do. it allows me to
    discover all these things i didn't even know exist. to
    get pulled out of line, to be shown things i may have
    overlooked in an entirely new perspective that makes
    me go on "oh man how could i have missed that". it's
    humbling and energizing at the same time.

    i always know how to have a good time. work to live,
    but work should be fantastic in itself also. man, there's
    nothing as awesome as being able to see the world in
    new lenses. that's what keeps me sane.

    it's just the beginning. still so much to see. to do.
    i fucking love growing up. so much more fun.
    every normal man must be tempted, at times,
    to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag,
    and begin slitting throats.
    h.l. mencken

  3. #3
    He who laughs
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    1,327

    Default

    *Knowing this is in the NF section* I just wanted to throw in a short comment, even if much cliche. You just seem to need to be able to relax more, try balancing out the extremes. Get the stick out your ass might not be bad advice, why do you have to run all the time for instance? Changes dont need to be big.

    Atleast you have it made, I still dont, Im 33. I dont think you need to look at your direction, just try and slow down, enjoy the direction a bit more. Its only when you've lost the motivation i.e. you hate your job, the way your life has turned out you need to look at the direction, it doesnt seem like your problem.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Rex's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    609

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by agentfurrina View Post
    coincidentally, many many scientists, philosophers, theorists, etc. solved problems while meditating in some form. think of it as focused dreaming.
    I get great solutions at night when im just about to go to sleep... It has been a while since i had it last time... i think that its a bit of maslows pyramide thing. I also get some ideas as work when im taking a dump, pretty sure others do too but they just leave out that bit of info i guess.. :P

    I don`t really believe in this but you could play around with the ideas to get new views on things. It works for me sometimes.. Do it while meditating or chillin in the bed.
    Epic derailment:
    wierd memory work->Tamagochi->tetris->Starcraft2->thugs->Chess->german techno->Love parade->disaster->death..
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q1wH2...eature=related

  5. #5
    Senior Member BAJ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    631

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by musttry View Post
    I
    Question 1 (in addition to the pole)
    Does anybody else feel bored even if their life is full and socially acceptable?
    As I explained in the other thread, I'm turning 40, but I was once 30. At that time 8 to 10 years ago, I'd had a breakdown after working for four years in my industry (aquaculture). I'd taken a job working as a gardener (laborer).

    They might have made me a supervisor, since I always sat with the supervisors, and I did have a Masters degree, though in fish, not horticulture. I asked my confidant supervisor why they didn't make me a manager, and she said they thought I was "Brilliant, but flaky."

    YES I WAS BORED.



    Question 2
    This sounds like dreamer behaviour to me. Can anyone else relate? Is this an "n" thing, a "j" thing, an "nf" thing or a an NiFeTi thing? Is anyone else addicted to living in the future?[/I]

    That being said, I was into lots of mystical explorations and Buddhism. That is, we can "live in the future", but it is really thoughts in the present. So I was doing a lot of explorations at that time about trying to bring myself into the present. And exploring the nature of thought and feeling. Someone in India mailed me 11 hours of tapes on insight meditation.

    However, I'm not saying that was working. Yet, might fantasy world is not realistic. No I will probably NOT win the Nobel prize or be crowned some kind of Emperor. My fantasy world might be considered to be more Walter Mitty in character. Yes, welcome inside, this is one of my 17 palaces.


    Question 3
    Is this a type thing? Does this imply deep dissatisfaction with one's life? Does it go away? If so, for everyone or are NFs continuously looking for greener grass?

    I don't know. There were high expectations for me as salutatorian of my high school, and these expectations were not satisfied working as a gardener with a masters degree


    Question 4
    Has anybody found a way to START relaxing without feeling guilty (as in, could not relax but now can, not just generally being able to relax)? Is it the beginning of your demise?

    Ah, I'm 40, next month. I own practically nothing; some books. My two vehicles probably have a trade in value less than $500. Yet, you know, none of that is yours. You can't take it with you. The accomplishments will disappear in the dust. The material you have is a collection that you borrow for a short time.

    Thus, I don't know what you mean by demise. I gaining greater and greater ability to be happy overall. Compared to where I was in the low 30's things are much, much better. I'm no richer. I have fewer things, but I feel the impetus of wonderful things...inside.

    I still have depressions and various pains, but not as bad in my early 30's. My wisdom and mystical powers have increased since then. I haven't got my Ph.D. or anything, and the opportunity costs are probably too high right now...yet the advances are in the mind...in the soul, where they can't be taken away (or so I hope).

    Yet, when I was 35, I'd basically been working at the gardens for five years, and sometimes I'd just go sit in the bamboo grove. I didn't know what I'd do, but I felt bored, and I felt that job was unraveling.

  6. #6
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    8,263

    Default

    Well, I have nothing particularly interesting (to others) going on. I'll chalk half of the responsibility to me. I don't really have the...umm.. most objective or practical attitude about the professional world, I guess. If I ever get anywhere, it will be on my own. That's all I know.

    As for what I'm not responsible for.. Not to be on some pity party, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't have certain roadblocks. I've been disabled, for one. I won't talk about this for long, especially here.

    That all said, I'm fairly happy. I'm not that bored. I have a lot to think about, but it isn't about the future exactly.

  7. #7
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    8,028

    Default

    Question 1 (in addition to the pole)
    Does anybody else feel bored even if their life is full and socially acceptable?
    Not so much bored but meaningless.

    Question 2
    This sounds like dreamer behaviour to me. Can anyone else relate? Is this an "n" thing, a "j" thing, an "nf" thing or a an NiFeTi thing? Is anyone else addicted to living in the future?
    I've spent my entire life living in the future, planning, reaching, goals oriented both short and long-term. What a waste of time since every goal attained wasn't what I really wanted. It was the challenge that kept me intensely focused.
    Question 3
    Is this a type thing? Does this imply deep dissatisfaction with one's life? Does it go away? If so, for everyone or are NFs continuously looking for greener grass?
    No idea. Let me know if you ever make it go away.
    Question 4
    Has anybody found a way to START relaxing without feeling guilty (as in, could not relax but now can, not just generally being able to relax)? Is it the beginning of your demise?
    Stress and adrenaline are addictive. It's taken around 4 years to detox to some degree. But when I get a hit, it's back to the same ol', same ol'.

    One thing I do strongly encourage for people trying to find themselves is to delve into their childhood homelife and start to map out how it's impacted on all your relationships.

  8. #8
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Enneagram
    4 so/sp
    Posts
    6,932

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by musttry View Post
    Question 1 (in addition to the pole)
    Does anybody else feel bored even if their life is full and socially acceptable?


    If I am drifting and bored and that's a longterm thing that's settled in, then it means something needs to be addresed and it doesn't matter if my life is 'full and socially acceptable' from the outsiders' view - something is off within me that I need to figure out, and/or my life needs to be redirected in some way.

    To be clear - stagnation is the WORST for me. I really hate getting to this point, as sometimes it's hard to figure out what the next step will be. And I always like to have a general idea of what I'm doing. I don't LIKE being aimless. But, I realize what I am going to type later in this post will seem to contradict this - even though I don't know that they truly contradict. meh.


    Question 2
    This sounds like dreamer behaviour to me. Can anyone else relate? Is this an "n" thing, a "j" thing, an "nf" thing or a an NiFeTi thing? Is anyone else addicted to living in the future?
    I think it's easy to fall into a 'grass is greener' mentality, but sometimes a kick of reality is needed because there are always going to be more negative aspects in everything in life, and the perfect world doesn't exist. Does that mean just accepting a negative situation? No... I'm ever striving for making the most out of my life and trying to work towards better things... but achieving happiness forever after and wiping boredom away in one swoop isn't realistic, or even possible, I don't think. Some of these things come and go.


    Question 3
    Is this a type thing? Does this imply deep dissatisfaction with one's life? Does it go away? If so, for everyone or are NFs continuously looking for greener grass?
    See above. I'm not continually looking for greener grass - partly because I think that's a delusion in some ways. But, I've reached peace with my personality (I believe) such that if I am dissatisfied, I'll work through that and try to find a solution, and then I'll work towards that solution and will then reach a little plateau where I'm at for a while. I'll be happy and content in that moment once I've gotten there. Then if a few yrs down the line I'm lacking in stimulation or need to do something new, I'll figure it out at that time.

    I've realized that for me, trying to solve the Master Plan Of My Life right now, to account for the rest of my life, is futile and impossible. Not to mention anxiety-inducing. Not to mention, it takes away from the joys of life.

    The reason it's not possible for me and why I could never come up with a final master plan is that my personality isn't built that way, and I cannot plan for the next 50 years when I know very well that in 5 years I might want to try out a new direction. I will say that I spent the bulk of my 20's trying to come up with some master plan to solve for my happiness ever-after, and through that process realized my 'approach' really didn't work due to the very factor that I'm more fluid than being ok with setting my life rigidly from the get-go and never deviating later on. So, I HAD been searching for a while, but reailzed the search wasn't necesssary. But I was still sifting through these new ideas even over the past few years, and letting them settle in/incorporating them.

    So right now? I don't think I'm searching. I'm choosing, and I'm doing, and when I realize I am tired of doing what I'm doing, I'll choose something new. I don't have some belief that I'll eventually find THE THING that works for the rest of my life. It took me a while to get here, though. I also can't guarantee I won't change my perspective though.

    The ironic thing is that my lack of a definitive plan has actually made me much more solid, even career-wise, than I ever was before. It's sort of odd.

    (I'll be 33 this summer, by the way)

    Oh, and re. relaxation - I don't function well in life if I don't have a significant amount of down-time / relaxation time. Plus I don't think I would enjoy my life all that much if I never kicked back and enjoyed things! So it's finding that sweet spot of having enough down time but not being bored and also having a lot of interesting stuff going on or that I'm working towards, too!
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

    My Photography and Watercolor Fine Art Prints!!! Cascade Colors Fine Art Prints
    https://docs.google.com/uc?export=do...Gd5N3NZZE52QjQ

  9. #9
    Honor Thy Inferior Such Irony's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    MBTI
    INtp
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/so
    Socionics
    LII Ne
    Posts
    5,091

    Default

    I'm 32

    Question 1 (in addition to the pole)
    Does anybody else feel bored even if their life is full and socially acceptable?

    I'm almost never bored. I'm always thinking of things I'd like to do. The problem is having enough time to do everything I want to do and deciding what I want to do.



    Question 2
    This sounds like dreamer behaviour to me. Can anyone else relate? Is this an "n" thing, a "j" thing, an "nf" thing or a an NiFeTi thing? Is anyone else addicted to living in the future?


    I think N types are most likely to have this future orientation you think of. I know I think alot about the future and where my life is headed.


    Question 3
    Is this a type thing? Does this imply deep dissatisfaction with one's life? Does it go away? If so, for everyone or are NFs continuously looking for greener grass?


    I don't think it implies dissatisfaction. I suppose if you're thinking about the future all the time to the point of no longer being able to enjoy the present, that could be a problem. On the other hand, it's good to think about the future. It prevents you from being stuck in the same old rut. Balance is good.

    To answer the second part of the question, I'm generally content with the way things are now but I know there is definite room for improvement. So I do look for the greener grass while at the same trying to make the best of what I have now.


    Question 4
    Has anybody found a way to START relaxing without feeling guilty (as in, could not relax but now can, not just generally being able to relax)? Is it the beginning of your demise?


    I don't feel guilty about relaxing, I think its important for one's well being. The only time I feel guilty about it is when I don't get things I need to get done, done.
    INtp
    5w6 or 9w1 sp/so/sx, I think
    Ravenclaw/Hufflepuff
    Neutral Good
    LII-Ne




  10. #10
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    8,263

    Default


    Question 2
    This sounds like dreamer behaviour to me. Can anyone else relate? Is this an "n" thing, a "j" thing, an "nf" thing or a an NiFeTi thing? Is anyone else addicted to living in the future?


    I think N types are most likely to have this future orientation you think of.
    Ni is hung up on the future. You guys could call me an ISFP, but I couldn't care less about the future, outside of the obvious. And I don't think it's outside the realm of INFP to say so. And by obvious, I like being cautious or aware of negatives in the future or knowing if I can apply myself somewhere, but I don't dwell on the "Revolution" ™ or something. To be honest, I find it annoying in others. Mostly because people who think about the future a lot always are thinking about everyone else too. Or worse, volunteering people into it. It's like it goes hand in hand all of the time. It could be some hyper ESTP or an ENFJ. Even the OP expresses unnecessary "concern". That he/she is "worried" about others. Personally, I'm concerned that they're concerned.

    Ni- Introverted iNtuiting
    Adapted from Linda V. Berens and Dario Nardi, Understanding Yourself and Others®: An Introduction to the Personality Type Code (Telos Publications, 2004) *Used with permission.

    Introverted iNtuiting involves synthesizing the seemingly paradoxical or contradictory, which takes understanding to a new level. Using this process, we can have moments when completely new, unimagined realizations come to us. A disengagement from interactions in the room occurs, followed by a sudden “Aha!” or “That’s it!” The sense of the future and the realizations that come from introverted iNtuiting have a sureness and an imperative quality that seem to demand action and help us stay focused on fulfilling our vision or dream of how things will be in the future. Using this process, we might rely on a focal device or symbolic action to predict, enlighten, or transform. We could find ourselves laying out how the future will unfold based on unseen trends and telling signs. This process can involve working out complex concepts or systems of thinking or conceiving of symbolic or novel ways to understand things that are universal. It can lead to creating transcendent experiences or solutions.


    Ne - Extraverted iNtuiting

    Extraverted iNtuiting involves noticing hidden meanings and interpreting them, often entertaining a wealth of possible interpretations from just one idea or interpreting what someone’s behavior really means. It also involves seeing things “as if,” with various possible representations of reality. Using this process, we can juggle many different ideas, thoughts, beliefs, and meanings in our mind at once with the possibility that they are all true. This is like weaving themes and threads together. We don’t know the weave until a thought thread appears or is drawn out in the interaction of thoughts, often brought in from other contexts. Thus a strategy or concept often emerges from the here-and-now interactions, not appearing as a whole beforehand. Using this process we can really appreciate brainstorming and trust what emerges, enjoying imaginative play with scenarios and combining possibilities, using a kind of cross-contextual thinking. Extraverted iNtuiting also can involve catalyzing people and extemporaneously shaping situations, spreading an atmosphere of change through emergent leadership.

Similar Threads

  1. [ESFP] ESFP's and learning to "slow down" in life
    By INTPness in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 06-07-2016, 04:06 PM
  2. [ISFP] ISFPs, and the finer things in life.
    By Caligula in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 01-18-2010, 11:42 PM
  3. S and N in real life
    By Virtual ghost in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 94
    Last Post: 08-04-2009, 12:04 PM
  4. The importance of math, statistics and facts in life
    By Virtual ghost in forum General Psychology
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 04-05-2009, 10:18 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO