[MBTI General] Early thirties and direction in life

[musttry]

I realise that I should be speaking to my shrink about this but I figure an outside input from anonymous people might also be beneficial. Nice introduction

So, I am 32, have a masters in marketing, am a senior analyst in a research firm, living with my gf since last summer, am taking night classes to obtain a certificate in math, work out and do yoga twice a week...and I'm bored!

Question 1 (in addition to the pole)
Does anybody else feel bored even if their life is full and socially acceptable?


I am continuously searching for the next step, planning for it, researching it and dreaming about it. In this regard I have decided to go do my Ph.D., despite the fact that I am "on track".

Question 2
This sounds like dreamer behaviour to me. Can anyone else relate? Is this an "n" thing, a "j" thing, an "nf" thing or a an NiFeTi thing? Is anyone else addicted to living in the future?

I continuously dream up of ways to get out of my present situation such as quitting my job, having an affair, taking off somewhere alone, etc.

Question 3
Is this a type thing? Does this imply deep dissatisfaction with one's life? Does it go away? If so, for everyone or are NFs continuously looking for greener grass?

Character-wise, I'm fairly serious, although I like to goof around with my gf. Nevertheless, I don't look to have fun, to have it easy, to back away from effort (like
my gf does). I need a challenge to know in which direction I am going. Once it gets easy, I quit. Which means that I never get extremely good at anything. The only constants in my life have been studying and running (as in races and triathlons). People at work have mentioned that I seem to have a stick up the ass, although I have softened since being with my gf.

I am afraid of relaxing because I equate it to laziness.

Question 4
Has anybody found a way to START relaxing without feeling guilty (as in, could not relax but now can, not just generally being able to relax)? Is it the beginning of your demise?

This worries me because I have met other men who are now in their forties and still haven't found their way and still haven't built anything because they are still searching. When did you find your way? Did you find your way? Were you looking for your way? Is finding your way equal to accepting the present? or is it equal to finding that challenge that will keep you moving in a direction?

Thanks for reading my meanderings. I'm open to any comment.

 

[mmhmm]

i'm 30. i'm in management consulting for marcomm.

Does anybody else feel bored even if their life is full and socially acceptable?

i rarely feel bored. i just always want more. always hungry for more.
what is socially acceptable anyway? hahhaha. i never care about
that. i do what i do. and i think i'm fantastic at that. easier to
just live life the way you want to.

Is anyone else addicted to living in the future?

i dream big. it gives my an incredible outlook for all the
possibilities in life. i love that trait most about myself.
what i like even more is i go after it and make it mine.
i'll lose interest in some things along the way, but i'm
fine with that. because the things that do stick. oh wow.

Is this a type thing? Does this imply deep dissatisfaction with one's life? Does it go away? If so, for everyone or are NFs continuously looking for greener grass?

it's not so much dissatisfaction for me. i just want to
experience everything. hungry. i think it's also in the
nature of the job that i do to always find and discover
new things. that's also how i live my life. in a way
i bundle everything together under the same theme
but compartmentalize the details. i'd never want it to
go away. complacency is a dirty word.

success is dangerous. one begins to copy oneself,
and to copy oneself is more dangerous than to copy others.
it leads to sterility. -pablo picasso​

Has anybody found a way to START relaxing without feeling guilty (as in, could not relax but now can, not just generally being able to relax)? Is it the beginning of your demise?

i never feel guilty for relaxing. i work hard, play hard.
so cliche but it's true. i love what i do. it allows me to
discover all these things i didn't even know exist. to
get pulled out of line, to be shown things i may have
overlooked in an entirely new perspective that makes
me go on "oh man how could i have missed that". it's
humbling and energizing at the same time.

i always know how to have a good time. work to live,
but work should be fantastic in itself also. man, there's
nothing as awesome as being able to see the world in
new lenses. that's what keeps me sane.

it's just the beginning. still so much to see. to do.
i fucking love growing up. so much more fun.

 

[slowriot]

*Knowing this is in the NF section* I just wanted to throw in a short comment, even if much cliche. You just seem to need to be able to relax more, try balancing out the extremes. Get the stick out your ass might not be bad advice, why do you have to run all the time for instance? Changes dont need to be big.

Atleast you have it made, I still dont, Im 33. I dont think you need to look at your direction, just try and slow down, enjoy the direction a bit more. Its only when you've lost the motivation i.e. you hate your job, the way your life has turned out you need to look at the direction, it doesnt seem like your problem.

 

[Rex]

coincidentally, many many scientists, philosophers, theorists, etc. solved problems while meditating in some form. think of it as focused dreaming.

I get great solutions at night when im just about to go to sleep... It has been a while since i had it last time... i think that its a bit of maslows pyramide thing. I also get some ideas as work when im taking a dump, pretty sure others do too but they just leave out that bit of info i guess..

I don`t really believe in this but you could play around with the ideas to get new views on things. It works for me sometimes.. Do it while meditating or chillin in the bed.

 

[BAJ]

I
Question 1 (in addition to the pole)
Does anybody else feel bored even if their life is full and socially acceptable?

As I explained in the other thread, I'm turning 40, but I was once 30. At that time 8 to 10 years ago, I'd had a breakdown after working for four years in my industry (aquaculture). I'd taken a job working as a gardener (laborer).

They might have made me a supervisor, since I always sat with the supervisors, and I did have a Masters degree, though in fish, not horticulture. I asked my confidant supervisor why they didn't make me a manager, and she said they thought I was "Brilliant, but flaky."

YES I WAS BORED.

Question 2
This sounds like dreamer behaviour to me. Can anyone else relate? Is this an "n" thing, a "j" thing, an "nf" thing or a an NiFeTi thing? Is anyone else addicted to living in the future?[/I]

That being said, I was into lots of mystical explorations and Buddhism. That is, we can "live in the future", but it is really thoughts in the present. So I was doing a lot of explorations at that time about trying to bring myself into the present. And exploring the nature of thought and feeling. Someone in India mailed me 11 hours of tapes on insight meditation.

However, I'm not saying that was working. Yet, might fantasy world is not realistic. No I will probably NOT win the Nobel prize or be crowned some kind of Emperor. My fantasy world might be considered to be more Walter Mitty in character. Yes, welcome inside, this is one of my 17 palaces.

Question 3
Is this a type thing? Does this imply deep dissatisfaction with one's life? Does it go away? If so, for everyone or are NFs continuously looking for greener grass?

I don't know. There were high expectations for me as salutatorian of my high school, and these expectations were not satisfied working as a gardener with a masters degree

Question 4
Has anybody found a way to START relaxing without feeling guilty (as in, could not relax but now can, not just generally being able to relax)? Is it the beginning of your demise?

Ah, I'm 40, next month. I own practically nothing; some books. My two vehicles probably have a trade in value less than $500. Yet, you know, none of that is yours. You can't take it with you. The accomplishments will disappear in the dust. The material you have is a collection that you borrow for a short time.

Thus, I don't know what you mean by demise. I gaining greater and greater ability to be happy overall. Compared to where I was in the low 30's things are much, much better. I'm no richer. I have fewer things, but I feel the impetus of wonderful things...inside.

I still have depressions and various pains, but not as bad in my early 30's. My wisdom and mystical powers have increased since then. I haven't got my Ph.D. or anything, and the opportunity costs are probably too high right now...yet the advances are in the mind...in the soul, where they can't be taken away (or so I hope).

Yet, when I was 35, I'd basically been working at the gardens for five years, and sometimes I'd just go sit in the bamboo grove. I didn't know what I'd do, but I felt bored, and I felt that job was unraveling.

 

[KDude]

Well, I have nothing particularly interesting (to others) going on. I'll chalk half of the responsibility to me. I don't really have the...umm.. most objective or practical attitude about the professional world, I guess. If I ever get anywhere, it will be on my own. That's all I know.

As for what I'm not responsible for.. Not to be on some pity party, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't have certain roadblocks. I've been disabled, for one. I won't talk about this for long, especially here.

That all said, I'm fairly happy. I'm not that bored. I have a lot to think about, but it isn't about the future exactly.

 

[rav3n]

Question 1 (in addition to the pole)
Does anybody else feel bored even if their life is full and socially acceptable?

Not so much bored but meaningless.

Question 2
This sounds like dreamer behaviour to me. Can anyone else relate? Is this an "n" thing, a "j" thing, an "nf" thing or a an NiFeTi thing? Is anyone else addicted to living in the future?

I've spent my entire life living in the future, planning, reaching, goals oriented both short and long-term. What a waste of time since every goal attained wasn't what I really wanted. It was the challenge that kept me intensely focused.

Question 3
Is this a type thing? Does this imply deep dissatisfaction with one's life? Does it go away? If so, for everyone or are NFs continuously looking for greener grass?

No idea. Let me know if you ever make it go away.

Question 4
Has anybody found a way to START relaxing without feeling guilty (as in, could not relax but now can, not just generally being able to relax)? Is it the beginning of your demise?

Stress and adrenaline are addictive. It's taken around 4 years to detox to some degree. But when I get a hit, it's back to the same ol', same ol'.

One thing I do strongly encourage for people trying to find themselves is to delve into their childhood homelife and start to map out how it's impacted on all your relationships.

 

[cascadeco]

Question 1 (in addition to the pole)
Does anybody else feel bored even if their life is full and socially acceptable?

If I am drifting and bored and that's a longterm thing that's settled in, then it means something needs to be addresed and it doesn't matter if my life is 'full and socially acceptable' from the outsiders' view - something is off within me that I need to figure out, and/or my life needs to be redirected in some way.

To be clear - stagnation is the WORST for me. I really hate getting to this point, as sometimes it's hard to figure out what the next step will be. And I always like to have a general idea of what I'm doing. I don't LIKE being aimless. But, I realize what I am going to type later in this post will seem to contradict this - even though I don't know that they truly contradict. meh.

Question 2
This sounds like dreamer behaviour to me. Can anyone else relate? Is this an "n" thing, a "j" thing, an "nf" thing or a an NiFeTi thing? Is anyone else addicted to living in the future?

I think it's easy to fall into a 'grass is greener' mentality, but sometimes a kick of reality is needed because there are always going to be more negative aspects in everything in life, and the perfect world doesn't exist. Does that mean just accepting a negative situation? No... I'm ever striving for making the most out of my life and trying to work towards better things... but achieving happiness forever after and wiping boredom away in one swoop isn't realistic, or even possible, I don't think. Some of these things come and go.

Question 3
Is this a type thing? Does this imply deep dissatisfaction with one's life? Does it go away? If so, for everyone or are NFs continuously looking for greener grass?

See above. I'm not continually looking for greener grass - partly because I think that's a delusion in some ways. But, I've reached peace with my personality (I believe) such that if I am dissatisfied, I'll work through that and try to find a solution, and then I'll work towards that solution and will then reach a little plateau where I'm at for a while. I'll be happy and content in that moment once I've gotten there. Then if a few yrs down the line I'm lacking in stimulation or need to do something new, I'll figure it out at that time.

I've realized that for me, trying to solve the Master Plan Of My Life right now, to account for the rest of my life, is futile and impossible. Not to mention anxiety-inducing. Not to mention, it takes away from the joys of life.

The reason it's not possible for me and why I could never come up with a final master plan is that my personality isn't built that way, and I cannot plan for the next 50 years when I know very well that in 5 years I might want to try out a new direction. I will say that I spent the bulk of my 20's trying to come up with some master plan to solve for my happiness ever-after, and through that process realized my 'approach' really didn't work due to the very factor that I'm more fluid than being ok with setting my life rigidly from the get-go and never deviating later on. So, I HAD been searching for a while, but reailzed the search wasn't necesssary. But I was still sifting through these new ideas even over the past few years, and letting them settle in/incorporating them.

So right now? I don't think I'm searching. I'm choosing, and I'm doing, and when I realize I am tired of doing what I'm doing, I'll choose something new. I don't have some belief that I'll eventually find THE THING that works for the rest of my life. It took me a while to get here, though. I also can't guarantee I won't change my perspective though.

The ironic thing is that my lack of a definitive plan has actually made me much more solid, even career-wise, than I ever was before. It's sort of odd.

(I'll be 33 this summer, by the way)

Oh, and re. relaxation - I don't function well in life if I don't have a significant amount of down-time / relaxation time. Plus I don't think I would enjoy my life all that much if I never kicked back and enjoyed things! So it's finding that sweet spot of having enough down time but not being bored and also having a lot of interesting stuff going on or that I'm working towards, too!

 

[Such Irony]

I'm 32

Question 1 (in addition to the pole)
Does anybody else feel bored even if their life is full and socially acceptable?

I'm almost never bored. I'm always thinking of things I'd like to do. The problem is having enough time to do everything I want to do and deciding what I want to do.



Question 2
This sounds like dreamer behaviour to me. Can anyone else relate? Is this an "n" thing, a "j" thing, an "nf" thing or a an NiFeTi thing? Is anyone else addicted to living in the future?

I think N types are most likely to have this future orientation you think of. I know I think alot about the future and where my life is headed.


Question 3
Is this a type thing? Does this imply deep dissatisfaction with one's life? Does it go away? If so, for everyone or are NFs continuously looking for greener grass?

I don't think it implies dissatisfaction. I suppose if you're thinking about the future all the time to the point of no longer being able to enjoy the present, that could be a problem. On the other hand, it's good to think about the future. It prevents you from being stuck in the same old rut. Balance is good.

To answer the second part of the question, I'm generally content with the way things are now but I know there is definite room for improvement. So I do look for the greener grass while at the same trying to make the best of what I have now.


Question 4
Has anybody found a way to START relaxing without feeling guilty (as in, could not relax but now can, not just generally being able to relax)? Is it the beginning of your demise?

I don't feel guilty about relaxing, I think its important for one's well being. The only time I feel guilty about it is when I don't get things I need to get done, done.

 

[KDude]

Question 2
This sounds like dreamer behaviour to me. Can anyone else relate? Is this an "n" thing, a "j" thing, an "nf" thing or a an NiFeTi thing? Is anyone else addicted to living in the future?

I think N types are most likely to have this future orientation you think of.

Ni is hung up on the future. You guys could call me an ISFP, but I couldn't care less about the future, outside of the obvious. And I don't think it's outside the realm of INFP to say so. And by obvious, I like being cautious or aware of negatives in the future or knowing if I can apply myself somewhere, but I don't dwell on the "Revolution" â„¢ or something. To be honest, I find it annoying in others. Mostly because people who think about the future a lot always are thinking about everyone else too. Or worse, volunteering people into it. It's like it goes hand in hand all of the time. It could be some hyper ESTP or an ENFJ. Even the OP expresses unnecessary "concern". That he/she is "worried" about others. Personally, I'm concerned that they're concerned.

Ni- Introverted iNtuiting
Adapted from Linda V. Berens and Dario Nardi, Understanding Yourself and Others®: An Introduction to the Personality Type Code (Telos Publications, 2004) *Used with permission.

Introverted iNtuiting involves synthesizing the seemingly paradoxical or contradictory, which takes understanding to a new level. Using this process, we can have moments when completely new, unimagined realizations come to us. A disengagement from interactions in the room occurs, followed by a sudden “Aha!” or “That’s it!” The sense of the future and the realizations that come from introverted iNtuiting have a sureness and an imperative quality that seem to demand action and help us stay focused on fulfilling our vision or dream of how things will be in the future. Using this process, we might rely on a focal device or symbolic action to predict, enlighten, or transform. We could find ourselves laying out how the future will unfold based on unseen trends and telling signs. This process can involve working out complex concepts or systems of thinking or conceiving of symbolic or novel ways to understand things that are universal. It can lead to creating transcendent experiences or solutions.


Ne - Extraverted iNtuiting

Extraverted iNtuiting involves noticing hidden meanings and interpreting them, often entertaining a wealth of possible interpretations from just one idea or interpreting what someone’s behavior really means. It also involves seeing things “as if,” with various possible representations of reality. Using this process, we can juggle many different ideas, thoughts, beliefs, and meanings in our mind at once with the possibility that they are all true. This is like weaving themes and threads together. We don’t know the weave until a thought thread appears or is drawn out in the interaction of thoughts, often brought in from other contexts. Thus a strategy or concept often emerges from the here-and-now interactions, not appearing as a whole beforehand. Using this process we can really appreciate brainstorming and trust what emerges, enjoying imaginative play with scenarios and combining possibilities, using a kind of cross-contextual thinking. Extraverted iNtuiting also can involve catalyzing people and extemporaneously shaping situations, spreading an atmosphere of change through emergent leadership.

 

[BAJ]

The reason I chose "What way?", is because I'm not sure what you mean. Are you asking if I was keeping up with social norms of accomplishment? Is "the way" referring to the amount of conspicuous consumption compared with what I expected of myself? That seems to be "the way" you are talking about. Some people had difficulty believing that I didn't buy a mortgage age 32, or have a marriage! I guess it depends on what standards you use.

One of the things I did during that time (age 33) was work in a home for retarded adults at night. There was a lady there with Down's Syndrome. Every night, she played boggle junior. In this game there are blocks with letters on them and pictures of things on cards with words. She had the card for frog, and she was turning the blocks to match up the word "frog" written on the card. She did this game about every night. It dawned on me suddenly that my life was just like hers.

Sure, I play chess. I go to the opera, the art museum. I have friends. I do something complex, but no matter how convoluted I made my life, it was no more important that this game of boggle junior. That is, it is all boggle junior.

I don't know how that may help, except that to say that my life is a different path. You could use this to say, "Wow, I'm much more important that this guy, he was only a gardener!" Or you could also say, "Hum, perhaps I'm too serious about my life, and this rat race is all just some sort of game which is meaningless...I'm just passing time regardless comparison with others, so I think I'll relax more." Neither point of view would offend me. I'm offering multiple possibilities from the same story.

My friend in the Air Force told me a story that a POW came and told them that expectations change. They felt really good if their captors fed them that day. It a philosophical sense, suffering is caused when the expectations do not meet reality.

 

[musttry]

These are great answers. I appreciate the effort put into the posts.

I’d like to start off my answer by addressing the concept of “socially acceptable”, which many of the responses seemed to focus on. You see, part of my questioning emerges from the fact that my life is currently turning out to include all those things that people around me desire and yet, I cannot seem to come to appreciate what I have. I have a deep seated feeling that I must learn to be content with what I have or else live with a constant feeling of dissatisfaction.

I was happy to read mmhmm’s response first. I hadn’t heard of your firm before but I looked it up and it looks interesting. You yourself sound extremely and energetic and open to life and its experiences and you said a lot of great things. However, how can one crave so much and not fall into a pursuit of self-indulgence?
I especially like this…

complacency is a dirty word.

I’ve always been intrigued by high energy people. I don’t know how you keep it up. I’m more of a goal-setting type of guy and keep on trucking with an even output of energy.
Agentfurrina also seems to be high energy and successful. I think that the thought process that you’ve developed…

i used to feel i would never be satisfied with my achievements because i felt i had the ability to not only change the world, but transform it. i still have that belief, but the mental static is gone. i have replaced that inner dialogue with one of deep contentment brought about by the knowledge that i am working hard to make myself the best person i can be. whether i achieve any external goals is now secondary to the inner goals of self-knowledge and self-mastery.

…is probably close to what I am looking for.
Thanks slowriot for the response, despite the fact that you seem to be saying that you’re not an NF. The only reason I posted it here rather than anywhere else is because I don’t know how much of this type of existential questioning would interest other types.

*Knowing this is in the NF section* I just wanted to throw in a short comment, even if much cliche. You just seem to need to be able to relax more, try balancing out the extremes. Get the stick out your ass might not be bad advice, why do you have to run all the time for instance? Changes dont need to be big.

However, when you say relaxing, I understand that as doing meaningless things. So, perhaps you’re right. But I in fact find very little gratification in some of life’s more trivial aspects. For example, I feel horrible after having spent an evening watching television. I have so many projects and plans that that has to be the worst thing I can do. In fact, in the short stint I was single (a year and a half) I think I can count on my fingers the times that I watched TV. My present gf spends lots of time in front of the TV so I do my share of being a couch potato. Maybe she’s good for me in that sense…who knows.
Thanks for the Maslow Pyramid MatsNorway. I actually saw Maslow typed as an NF, which makes sense since he puts self-actualisation at the top.

I’m glad you found a way to be happy KDude. And I don’t think recognising one’s adversities necessarily constitutes a pity party.

That all said, I'm fairly happy. I'm not that bored. I have a lot to think about, but it isn't about the future exactly.

I think that what Metaphor said spoke most to me. It really is in the challenge. I also realised that the direction I take on is the one where things are tougher. It looks like I just need to be facing obstacles to know that I’m going the right way.

Not so much bored but meaningless.
I've spent my entire life living in the future, planning, reaching, goals oriented both short and long-term. What a waste of time since every goal attained wasn't what I really wanted. It was the challenge that kept me intensely focused.
No idea. Let me know if you ever make it go away.
Stress and adrenaline are addictive. It's taken around 4 years to detox to some degree. But when I get a hit, it's back to the same ol', same ol'.
One thing I do strongly encourage for people trying to find themselves is to delve into their childhood homelife and start to map out how it's impacted on all your relationships.

I’m not sure how looking into the past will necessarily help the future though. How did this help you out?
You’re right cascadeco, a little contradictory. You hate being aimless but you live better without aim

To be clear - stagnation is the WORST for me. I really hate getting to this point, as sometimes it's hard to figure out what the next step will be. And I always like to have a general idea of what I'm doing. I don't LIKE being aimless. But, I realize what I am going to type later in this post will seem to contradict this - even though I don't know that they truly contradict. meh.
I've realized that for me, trying to solve the Master Plan Of My Life right now, to account for the rest of my life, is futile and impossible. Not to mention anxiety-inducing. Not to mention, it takes away from the joys of life.
The ironic thing is that my lack of a definitive plan has actually made me much more solid, even career-wise, than I ever was before. It's sort of odd.

That is exactly my question…If you don’t have a master plan to follow, how can you make meaningful decisions? Don’t they then become out of context decisions based on a self-indulgence paradigm? Do you stay at your job to keep the promotions or the stability because you know you want kids or do you follow your hankering of the day? Do you stay with a girl or do you not? Do you try to advance your education or do you use the time for relaxation? I don’t think you can make these decisions unless you have an overarching goal or plan…
In fact, this might be a good way to balance it…

To answer the second part of the question, I'm generally content with the way things are now but I know there is definite room for improvement. So I do look for the greener grass while at the same trying to make the best of what I have now.

Thanks for the refresher on Ni KDude. Always interesting to read…and I am definitely guilty of unsolicited planning for others. I can’t help it. Just this week I basically told my gf that I felt she was stagnating and brought home some college programmes. How romantic right! Can we say projection!

Ni is hung up on the future. To be honest, I find it annoying in others. Mostly because people who think about the future a lot always are thinking about everyone else too. Or worse, volunteering people into it. It's like it goes hand in hand all of the time. It could be some hyper ESTP or an ENFJ. Even the OP expresses unnecessary "concern". That he/she is "worried" about others. Personally, I'm concerned that they're concerned.

To make a compilation of the advice, it sounds like …
1. I should get the stick out of my butt and relax
2. Focus on the now and keep open to greener grass
3. Follow the excitement (or passion?)
It sounds kind of generic when you put it that way though.

 

[Lark]

To make a compilation of the advice, it sounds like …
1. I should get the stick out of my butt and relax
2. Focus on the now and keep open to greener grass
3. Follow the excitement (or passion?)
It sounds kind of generic when you put it that way though.

Indeed. I agree.

I want to keep this thread alive because despite being T dominant rather than F I experience this too, in fact I experience this without having accomplished as structured or apparently, to some, pleasing existence as yourself.

Perhaps it could be because I'm T dominant but I can usually rationalise myself out of any distress caused by this dilemma in a way that is pretty consistent with some of the things which I've read about in cognitive behavioural therapy or rational emotive behavioural therapy or neuro-lingusitic programming, ie reframing it.

Although the essential questions dont go away, I've gotten to thinking, especially with the input of others or finding that they have the same dilemmas, despite possessing or living the realities which I have from time to time suspected may off set the dilemma, for instance people who are married or have a religious vocation or have children or are dedicating their all to a single cause or campaign.

I've been helped by reading and studying, not just books which tackle the idea of existential angst or meaning head on, some of those books are the worst of all for providing any kind of answer to dilemmas like this. Although I have found that happiness, love, religion (although this is closely related to the topic of love) and psychology are constants (when I say psychology I perhaps should say social theory, although that's too vague for my liking, what I mean is that I would read economics, sociology, philosophy for the same reasons, its usually about discerning and forecasting motive and behaviour).

Relaxing can be hard when you're feeling compelled or troubled, distractions provide little solice and some of the things which people really value can turn out to be mere distractions in particular contexts (there's a great book on this topic in the art of living philosophy series) and myself I'm more convinced, as Bertrand Russell was, that happiness needs to be conquered, it takes real effort, its not really, or only, about better appreciating what you've got already.

The grass is greener thing is a pitfall, although maybe it is greener? Maybe there is a better alternative, now simply because there is doesnt mean you will have it or even if you work for it it'll materialise, although its existence is a certain foil to a discussion or musing. Just how disturbing is it that objectively there really is a marginal cost in every single decision you make, get out of bed or dont get out of bed you're still passing up one possibility whatever you do, its then gone.

I experienced a lot of this not two long ago, when I got insanely jealous of my own time and had tick lists and tried to do all I could in the first half of the morning and provide myself with free time for the rest of the day, got angry if things I hadnt planned intruded on this, got angry if they didnt and I suspected I was wasting my time anyway, online or whatever. How did I overcome that? Not sure that I did, its something which comes and goes, its not bothering me at the moment though.

Excitement is grand but there's a lot of excitement which boils down to "that supposedly fun thing I'm never going to do again" in reality, I do think and put some store in the idea of natural highs or optimal states of nuitrition, athleticism etc. to deliver benefits but they arent going to remedy angst. Might put off experiencing it for another day or hour but that's the hight of it.

Two of the greatest dilemmas I have, just throw these in to further complicate things, are the experience of inauthenticity, you really cant be yourself a lot of the time, and the associated idea that you arent really living your life, that you're great at keeping a routine, pleasing others, helping them out, doing what's expected but you cant say that's all there is to life.

 

[Saslou]

I'm 32 and type ....

Question 1 (in addition to the pole)
Does anybody else feel bored even if their life is full and socially acceptable?

Yes. I find that my mind is plentiful yet to put my ideas into action, i feel i will fall short of that greatness i get when i encompass my imagination. I know i'll accomplish great things (in that i mean personally not world renowned) in my life but ultimately those great things will come from within and not without. There is so much to do and see.

Question 2
This sounds like dreamer behaviour to me. Can anyone else relate? Is this an "n" thing, a "j" thing, an "nf" thing or a an NiFeTi thing? Is anyone else addicted to living in the future?

Shit, i've been living in the future since 2002. Even now, i am focused on where i am going and not where i currently am. Yet i'm acknowledge that my future can differ from my preconceived ideals.

Question 3
Is this a type thing? Does this imply deep dissatisfaction with one's life? Does it go away? If so, for everyone or are NFs continuously looking for greener grass?

I wouldn't know if it's a type thing. I am not deeply dissatisfied wiht my life, i only wish i had the resources to do as i wished without restrictions. Someone once told me the grass wasn't greener on the other side .. It was . I don't always look for that though as i do have moments where i purposely ground myself and smell the roses. Its awkward being an idealist yet also a realist, very conflicting at times.

Question 4
Has anybody found a way to START relaxing without feeling guilty (as in, could not relax but now can, not just generally being able to relax)? Is it the beginning of your demise?

I only started to relax when my life started crumbling under my feet. How silly of me to think that i needed to be on the go all the time. I am worthy of a time-out. i think before, i wanted to 'do' because otherwise that meant i'd have to stop which would give me time to think and look at what was important which would equate to me reassessing what was important to me.

Cool subject though.

 

[King sns]

I'm 26 and SP but want to participate (since I can relate to some of this stuff.) Though the answers are going to be slightly different.


Question 1 (in addition to the pole)
Does anybody else feel bored even if their life is full and socially acceptable?
My life filled up much nicer when I realized that it's never going to be fully socially acceptable, nor does it have to be. However, my life is pretty "good" right now. I could stop right where I am. I am making good money and am well established in my community, I have my chosen career path. However, I have had a recent bout of depression from boredom and fear of what's going to happen next. (Even after trying to convince myself that nothing really needs to happen next.) I have had less than a year of stability and I am very ready to move on. (Short answer: YES! I do feel bored, and I will probably never be satisfied.)



Question 2
This sounds like dreamer behaviour to me. Can anyone else relate? Is this an "n" thing, a "j" thing, an "nf" thing or a an NiFeTi thing? Is anyone else addicted to living in the future?


I'm not sure what I'm supposed to relate to. (Question one?) I don't have any of the above in my type. I'm pretty closed minded about relocating or straying from my current path. I'm a mover and a shaker in a linear fashion. (Everything is built from previous success. So, I will stay where I am popular and known, and I won't change careers.) So, while I'm never completely satisfied with my life, my path is relatively chosen, with a little leeway. (Like if I was to meet a husband or have a baby the plan could change.) Change within stability is fine for me. (Changing jobs within the area, changing houses within the area, changing friends within the area, you see what I mean.) I think I can blame this partially on being someone who was born with almost nothing, (though my mother was sure to provide me with plenty of opportunity.) I take "something" and hold onto it for dear life. Every success is a BIG VICTORY. You wouldn't throw out a trophy, as I would never just throw out my life all together.

Question 3
Is this a type thing? Does this imply deep dissatisfaction with one's life? Does it go away? If so, for everyone or are NFs continuously looking for greener grass?
I have accepted that I can be satisfied and unsatisfied at the same time. I can enjoy the present and every beautiful moment and memory with the knowledge in my heart that I must strive for the future/ to better myself/ to gain knowledge/ to change where change is called for.

Question 4
Has anybody found a way to START relaxing without feeling guilty (as in, could not relax but now can, not just generally being able to relax)? Is it the beginning of your demise?

Relaxing is supposed to be what life is all about. Nobody wants to die and say, "I spent my life searching for my place in life." I am not an NF, so am very moment to moment. Relaxing and having fun is natural to me. Again, like the question I answered above, it's not all or nothing for me. I think part of my "nothingness" upbringing will always have me nervous about stability and money. At least 20 years of truly "needing more" has translated into a mindset of still "needing more" and that will never ever go away.

When did you find your way? Did you find your way? Were you looking for your way? Is finding your way equal to accepting the present? or is it equal to finding that challenge that will keep you moving in a direction?

Finding your way is about being self aware. Knowing what you need in every moment and era of your life. You do your part, life will do it's part. I feel that I have found my way. (I'm not at the end, but I have the balance and wisdom to know that I will have the life that is right for me, and that I will always have the resources, information to know what to do next.) I can't say when I "found my way". I've probably been on the right track all along. I can't claim to know where I'm gong, (my whole life isn't clear before my eyes.) I just know that I'll know what to do as time goes on. I think that's the equivalent of "finding your way" to someone who is my age.

I used to tell myself. "I can do anything I set my mind to" and now, the most precious amazing wisdom that I have in my life is hindsight, "I have done everything that I set my mind to" and now I know for a fact that life can always be what I want it to be.

Edit: I don't necessarily live in the future. My mind is in the present. The needs of the future and achievements is a deep seated feeling that lingers in the background and sometimes I just need to act on it to make the feeling go away.

 

[Anew Leaf]

1- I don't get bored very easily. Only child + INFP + w5 = entertainer of self since 1978.

2- I am the queen of living in the future. I have a pink cotton candy castle, and ponies. Coming down to earth and present time is a necessary evil.

3- I'm not necessary looking for greener grass. I think it's more of a, my dreamy thoughts are way more interesting than the realities of taking out the garbage, feeding my pets, and doing the accounting at work. Working on my dreams in life help me focus back on reality but with dreams as the center goal.

I am easily contented with the small things in life.

4- what's wrong with relaxing? I command myself to relax as often as I can get away with it.

 

[skylights]

i'm glad this was revived. i'm in my early 20s, but i've been pondering this "moving forward" recently too.

Does anybody else feel bored even if their life is full and socially acceptable?

i always need to be "moving towards" something big. i discovered this after graduating college. i thought it would be a good idea to "take some time off" to save money, because i didn't know what i wanted to do next. my life was very good - had a job - not a career job, but a job, friends, worked out regularly, nice place to live, interacted with family, etc - and i fell into a light depression. i figured out it was because i wasn't going anywhere. i had no sense of purpose.

the problem was my life at that point had content but no storyline. no driving force. no soul. and i, unsurprisingly, was drowning, without the breath of life.

incidentally, i do tend to be socially acceptable in the sense that OP wasn't using it. in the like, average person would approve of my life choices sort of acceptable. and actually that's important to me, in a way. i'm a social person and i like being connected with others and the greater society, and i want to be a person who has an active, positive impact in that realm. i wouldn't call myself conventional, but i don't see anything shameful in being socially acceptable. if it rings true with your heart then there should be no judgment in either direction.

Is anyone else addicted to living in the future?

maybe it's an addiction, but i can't imagine myself looking anywhere else. i can't change the past; i can't change the present; but i can change the future. it's not that i can't love life in the moment-to-moment, but i want - need - a sense of purpose. of what changes i am going to make and why. i am going to impact my environment, whether i like it or not, so i want to know why i'm doing what i'm doing and how well i'm doing it, so i can decide if i need to change it. i want to be doing something bigger. i think this is good... i think it's a sort of survival thing, rooted deep in me. and it connects me to the universe, keeps me pushing forward and upward and outward. growth.

Is this a type thing? Does this imply deep dissatisfaction with one's life? Does it go away? If so, for everyone or are NFs continuously looking for greener grass?

type, i don't know... it's probably a human thing... dissatisfaction, somewhat, yes. but not necessarily dissastifcation with life as much as dissatisfaction with my mindset. maybe i have green grass already, but if i can't find a purpose for it beyond rolling around in it, that makes me unhappy. i need to know it connects into the bigger picture. i want the "why".

Has anybody found a way to START relaxing without feeling guilty (as in, could not relax but now can, not just generally being able to relax)?

yes. and i know this sense of not being able to relax, too. if i don't have a driving sense of purpose, i can't appreciate free time. i feel like it's being wasted. i'm nervous and fidgety and i procrastinate. well, i procrastinate anyway, but i'm a crappy procrastinator. i just fret and worry instead of having fun. but i can relax (and procrastinate in a fun way) when - like mmhmm said - i've worked hard and played hard. when i'm set on a path, when i throw my soul into something, when i watch the effects that i'm having in the world, then i feel quite content to come home and sit on my ass and pour myself a bowl of lucky charms and watch some damn cartoons in my undies.

this all said, what's hard for me is -choosing- the path. once i'm attached to it, i'm good to go.

i have this lingering fear though, which is that i'm never going to become this ideal i think i have in my head. i think little-girl me somehow always has pictured big-girl me being Princess of the Universe, Special Magic Sparkles, Awesome Badass, Elegant Healer, Prolific Artist, Brilliant Mind, World Changer, Really-Fucking-Awesome-All-Around Grown Up Person. so um... yeah. i never was much one for small acts.

still, i reached a state of very, very happy - maybe even self-actualizing - in my final year of college, and i'm hoping i can hit that again. it's where i'd like to stay. playing hard, partying hard, achieving, and loving. further up and further in, if any of you happen to be familiar with this obscure little reference

 

[CrystalViolet]

Sometimes I rather fancy myself as a revolutionary. However I'm stodgly middle class, and just wee bit boring, and I'll be too old by the time the next revolution happens. I'm only just realising I kinda need a cause to keep happy though, whether that be a person, or ideal.

 

[OrangeAppled]

Does anybody else feel bored even if their life is full and socially acceptable?


As much as I am restless for change, my Fi mindset tends to keep me feeling that I am far from my ideal, so there is always room to move forward. I'm only frustrated when situations feel like obstacles to moving forward, not like here is nowhere else to go. In other words, socially acceptable means nothing to me. "Full" has nothing to do with measurable goals being completed. If I felt like you did, then I'd be re-prioritizing, figuring out what it is that is making my life feel empty. When my priorities are straight, then at 27, I can be broke, single & living with my parents & not feel empty or like a total loser. I'm, instead, working towards something more significant than those material/status-oriented accomplishments.

I guess I don't actively search for anything, so much as refine the dream.



This sounds like dreamer behaviour to me. Can anyone else relate? Is this an "n" thing, a "j" thing, an "nf" thing or a an NiFeTi thing? Is anyone else addicted to living in the future?

It's an "N thing" to be restless because we're future-oriented & need to keep moving forward. We have trouble being content with the present. NFs tend to be most content when in pursuit of some ideal, when things aren't settled so much as rife with promise.

If it's destructive, then it's likely because you have not identified what is truly important to you, and so you're working towards things which are more distracting than fulfilling. You might also only be accomplishing things on a shallow level, and the lack of meaning makes them dissatisfying. Personally, I try not to view accomplishments as an end anyway; everything's a part of a continual process, so I'm never stuck or static.



Is this a type thing? Does this imply deep dissatisfaction with one's life? Does it go away? If so, for everyone or are NFs continuously looking for greener grass?

I think NF's can be very content, but never static when they are. This doesn't mean racking up PhDs, but always having some ideal they are actively working towards, even (or especially) if it's not "visible" to others.

IMO, this dissatisfaction with your accomplishments implies that you don't know what you really need as an individual, so you're seeking success (& by extension happiness) according to general terms, what "everyone" is supposed to want/seek/need.


Has anybody found a way to START relaxing without feeling guilty (as in, could not relax but now can, not just generally being able to relax)? Is it the beginning of your demise?

This is not an issue for me. I don't see relaxing as being lazy, but an experience with value in itself. Again, stop trying to measure happiness with external markers.
See the benefits of something in & of itself, especially when it concerns your own emotional/mental/physical well-being, as "relaxing" very much does. Not everything needs to be a stepping stone to some accomplishment that society esteems; there are intangible rewards & personal significance in things which do move you forward in life, but it's internal (you know, all that self-growth mumbo jumbo goodness).

 

[musttry]

Hey Lark. Thanks for reviving this thread. I hadn't been on TypeC for a while but I have continued on my path to self-discovery.

...myself I'm more convinced, as Bertrand Russell was, that happiness needs to be conquered, it takes real effort, its not really, or only, about better appreciating what you've got already.
Two of the greatest dilemmas I have, just throw these in to further complicate things, are the experience of inauthenticity, you really cant be yourself a lot of the time, and the associated idea that you arent really living your life, that you're great at keeping a routine, pleasing others, helping them out, doing what's expected but you cant say that's all there is to life.

Your idea on fighting for happiness is very appealing. In fact, if I can make a link, it seems to closely reflect Canadian author John Ralston Saul’s interpretation of the “pursuit of happiness” mentioned in the American constitution. This author’s interpretation of the intentions of the writers of the constitution was exactly that, the freedom to search for one’s “happiness” as a path rather than as an objective of flighty joy.
In the second paragraph that I’m quoting from you, I think that you are really getting at the heart of the matter for me, not complicating it further. Is authenticity even a route to happiness? What is more important, the form or the content? I know it would be tempting to say the content. But what about all those statistics that say that married, healthy, wealthy people are on average happier? Is happiness brought about by satisfying superficial requisites for success? Perhaps these people simply completely bought into the whole image or maybe this image of success closely resembles their personal requirements for happiness.

I'm 26 and SP but want to participate (since I can relate to some of this stuff.) Though the answers are going to be slightly different.
Finding your way is about being self aware. Knowing what you need in every moment and era of your life. You do your part, life will do it's part. I feel that I have found my way. (I'm not at the end, but I have the balance and wisdom to know that I will have the life that is right for me, and that I will always have the resources, information to know what to do next.) I can't say when I "found my way". I've probably been on the right track all along. I can't claim to know where I'm gong, (my whole life isn't clear before my eyes.) I just know that I'll know what to do as time goes on. I think that's the equivalent of "finding your way" to someone who is my age.

Although I agree with what you say, trusting life to do it’s part is a big leap of faith. You either approach this with hope or dismay but I don’t think that it is easy to be self-aware and trusting of life.

4- what's wrong with relaxing? I command myself to relax as often as I can get away with it.

Trust me, it’s much harder said than done.

i always need to be "moving towards" something big. i discovered this after graduating college. i thought it would be a good idea to "take some time off" to save money, because i didn't know what i wanted to do next. my life was very good - had a job - not a career job, but a job, friends, worked out regularly, nice place to live, interacted with family, etc - and i fell into a light depression. i figured out it was because i wasn't going anywhere. i had no sense of purpose.
the problem was my life at that point had content but no storyline. no driving force. no soul. and i, unsurprisingly, was drowning, without the breath of life.
still, i reached a state of very, very happy - maybe even self-actualizing - in my final year of college, and i'm hoping i can hit that again. it's where i'd like to stay. playing hard, partying hard, achieving, and loving. further up and further in, if any of you happen to be familiar with this obscure little reference

I get what you mean skylights: It’s precisely when things settle, when the highs aren’t so high that you start taking stock of what is really going on. I think that when one has reached an “objective” or “plateau” the feeling of being aimless is totally surprising. Was it the adrenaline of going somewhere that hid the feelings of aimlessness or are these feelings part and stock of a plateau period?
As for myself, I’ve reached some conclusions that some people in this thread have alluded to but that I hadn’t realised on my own yet. In fact, OrangeAppled, are you my shrink? If not, well, it’s very close to what she has been bringing me to.

I think NF's can be very content, but never static when they are. This doesn't mean racking up PhDs, but always having some ideal they are actively working towards, even (or especially) if it's not "visible" to others.
IMO, this dissatisfaction with your accomplishments implies that you don't know what you really need as an individual, so you're seeking success (& by extension happiness) according to general terms, what "everyone" is supposed to want/seek/need.

In my personal experience, I have indeed been working on trying to get the “form” right hoping that it would bring about satisfaction. Unfortunately, I have been nitpicking at useless details for years and not concentrating on being “authentic” and choosing what was right for me. Lot’s of exercise routines, extra university courses, long hours, suffering through relationships and never focussing on what I want my life experience to be. The realisation is hard to swallow, and I’m choking on trying to find authentic goals.