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View Poll Results: About direction in life...

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  • ...have you found your way?

    5 23.81%
  • ...are you looking for your way?

    10 47.62%
  • ...What way??

    6 28.57%
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  1. #31
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    This has been one of the hardest things for me to learn , and I wish I had learned it much, much, much sooner than I did. (Ok, I am not entirely sure I HAVE actually learned it totally yet... )
    Well, it's not a bad thing if people don't fully learn it. I think our mind protects us in a lot of ways. If I'm thinking that life is purely carrying me along like a baby at it's mercy, I get a little creeped out. Though I believe it is 95% truth, humans need to have a sense of control.
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  2. #32
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    I will have to use you for my new example when I encourage my frazzled INFJ to take time for herself.
    Well, it's only because I know I get stressed fairly easily, and am rather highstrung, that I know that I NEED the downtime/relaxation built into my life, so as to be able to function & remain balanced. Otherwise, like I said, it starts taking a toll on me physically & mentally.

    It doesn't mean I'm really ABLE to mentally relax all of the time, if I have a lot going on, but at least having that time to myself where in theory I could relax, is important and I build it in. Also, I have key hobbies/interests that are almost guaranteed to get me out of my head, even if only for an hour. As a general rule I construct my life so as to avoid stress - I'm very... proactive about that, and self-monitoring. But again, it's because I know when I become overwhelmed, it takes a heavy toll on me. Those 'overwhelming' moments are unavoidable sometimes (i.e. a few months ago when I was looking for a new apartment to live in, making those calls, looking at the places, signing the lease, then the logistics of the whole move), but as a general Lifestyle I plan these Relaxation and Down Time moments/days into each week -- preventative measure, really.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  3. #33
    Anew Leaf
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    It's not a J/P thing, its a Se anima thing and it has been rather well documented. Ni dominants can often have a highly visceral reactionary status to changes in their environment especially when they lose trust in their environment. Outside of only a very few people who claim to be Ni dominant I have not found anyone who understand the disastrously unsettling nature of out of control changes in the environment and the warm sticky glue feeling when something sticks satisfactorily. It's always easy to spot the false Ni doms when you see their reaction to people undergoing this state.

    With regards to losing trust in the environment or having to exist in an environment which is shifting under your feet, there is only one thing to do at such a time. Grab it by both hands and steer it regardless of direction; somewhat akin to falling down the stairs.

    Do not worry, there is nothing unnatural that you may have missed this or the reasons for it; despite the detailed study by many individuals it is generally ignored on typology forums because Ni dominants actually slip from them due to the constantly unsettling and shifting environs; this tends to lead to most very attitude differentiated Ni users not hanging around to discuss it in depth.

    The only documented and established way to keep an Ni dominant calm and placid without them crawling up the walls with stress is to ensure that any changes to their environment are entirely organic. Forced change will have a highly visceral reaction especially if it is sudden and without earlier signs that things would move in that direction to allow their brain to mentally process and accept those changes.
    Ah, ok. That makes a lot more sense then. I haven't done much reading up on Ni. It does help explain a lot of what I have seen in my INXJ friends though.

    Well, it's only because I know I get stressed fairly easily, and am rather highstrung, that I know that I NEED the downtime/relaxation built into my life, so as to be able to function & remain balanced. Otherwise, like I said, it starts taking a toll on me physically & mentally.

    It doesn't mean I'm really ABLE to mentally relax all of the time, if I have a lot going on, but at least having that time to myself where in theory I could relax, is important and I build it in. Also, I have key hobbies/interests that are almost guaranteed to get me out of my head, even if only for an hour. As a general rule I construct my life so as to avoid stress - I'm very... proactive about that, and self-monitoring. But again, it's because I know when I become overwhelmed, it takes a heavy toll on me. Those 'overwhelming' moments are unavoidable sometimes (i.e. a few months ago when I was looking for a new apartment to live in, making those calls, looking at the places, signing the lease, then the logistics of the whole move), but as a general Lifestyle I plan these Relaxation and Down Time moments/days into each week -- preventative measure, really.
    Yeah, I hear you on this. I do my best to plan in my introvert time as needed as preventive care as well. So long as I can. Family/Work/Friends don't always allow me to do just that!

  4. #34
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by musttry View Post
    Question 1 (in addition to the pole)
    Does anybody else feel bored even if their life is full and socially acceptable?
    I don't give a damn about being socially acceptable. It's never been a priority for me, but it does cause anxiety because I still have a need to be accepted but I don't want to live a conventional life and I'm kinda on my own wavelength the way we XNFPs tend to be...>.< The idea of living a socially acceptable and conventional life with mom jeans and a sensible bob makes me die a little inside. It's actually a slight fear I have about having kids because I know there are many lifestyles that can accompany having children but...

    Question 2
    Is anyone else addicted to living in the future?
    Yes. As a 'P' I'm addicted to plans and ideas for the future. ;_;


    Question 3
    Is this a type thing? Does this imply deep dissatisfaction with one's life? Does it go away? If so, for everyone or are NFs continuously looking for greener grass?
    I don't know if it's that NFs are constantly looking for greener grass. I think there is an open-ness and a child-like "ooh I like!" quality to some NFs that combined means sudden decisions being made and thinking about possibilities. I think for some NF's we have a vague idea of picture of what kind of life we want but we aren't sure how to get it. At least ,this is my problem. Also, fear can be a big obstacle. There are definitely times in my life where I have been very content and even happy.

    Question 4
    Has anybody found a way to START relaxing without feeling guilty (as in, could not relax but now can, not just generally being able to relax)? Is it the beginning of your demise?
    Um, can kinda relate as far as a quality of restlessness. But, I seriously like having fun and relaxing. And less about relaxing than about 'enjoying myself'. I have no qualms about age appropriateness when it comes to having fun, I will be a grandma at the club if that's fun for me. I feel no guilt enjoying myself. I'm pretty much a hedonist. I'm guessing our enneatypes are different because I'm a 7 and 7's crave excitement, pleasure, and enjoyable pursuits.

    This worries me because I have met other men who are now in their forties and still haven't found their way and still haven't built anything because they are still searching. When did you find your way? Did you find your way? Were you looking for your way? Is finding your way equal to accepting the present? or is it equal to finding that challenge that will keep you moving in a direction?
    Thanks for scaring me. Your question could be answered by a wise Buddhist. Something about the journey being just as imporant as the destination and how we ultimately only compete with our own selves and we have to learn to live in the moment and etc. etc. etc. SOOOOO, don't have an answer for you. But now you kinda terrified me. Thanks.
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  5. #35
    Senior Member Survive & Stay Free's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    Thanks for scaring me. Your question could be answered by a wise Buddhist. Something about the journey being just as imporant as the destination and how we ultimately only compete with our own selves and we have to learn to live in the moment and etc. etc. etc. SOOOOO, don't have an answer for you. But now you kinda terrified me. Thanks.
    That's the sunscreen song CzeCze!!

  6. #36
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    I hated that song ;_;

    The voice actor who 'sung it' though - i felt happy for him. Got a bunch of face time and a nice check probably.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

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  7. #37
    Senior Member Synapse's Avatar
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    Directionless and almost 34. I should be so lucky as I watch one of my high school friends on prime time tv. My friends move forward, while I remain in the same seat I have for the past 15 years, more, its become a nightmare of astronomical proportions. I am reminded of a teachers echo as she said to me in year 12 that I look the same as I did in the year 9 documentary I did about seniors.

  8. #38
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Great discussion. I'll chime in later.

  9. #39
    Senior Member Survive & Stay Free's Avatar
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    http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-reason...gn=new+article

    Great link in relation to the thread I think.

  10. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synapse View Post
    Directionless and almost 34. I should be so lucky as I watch one of my high school friends on prime time tv. My friends move forward, while I remain in the same seat I have for the past 15 years, more, its become a nightmare of astronomical proportions. I am reminded of a teachers echo as she said to me in year 12 that I look the same as I did in the year 9 documentary I did about seniors.
    There is no time like the present to jumpstart your life again.

    It always feels impossible to change things, and that can be incredibly overwhelming. It's very easy to focus on the end result, the big picture, or the 100 things wrong with me. I found the best way to combat this is truly to take things one day at a time and work on mini-goals.

    Let's say you want to change careers. Sit down for an hour and research options that you could do. See what interests you. Then the next day pinpoint one or two ideas and research them a bit further. Find out what you need to do in order to do that particular career.

    If needed, get external help from friends, family, and/or a counselor.

    If you feel that you have "wasted" time... then flip that idea on its head and make it into a positive. Let the past 15 years become your reason for change. Defeat always wants us to think that things can never change. But hope is there as a small ray of light to let us know that things can always change.

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