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View Poll Results: About direction in life...

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  • ...have you found your way?

    5 23.81%
  • ...are you looking for your way?

    10 47.62%
  • ...What way??

    6 28.57%
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  1. #21
    Senior Member Survive & Stay Free's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by musttry View Post
    Hey Lark. Thanks for reviving this thread. I hadn't been on TypeC for a while but I have continued on my path to self-discovery.
    No probs, its one of the best threads here and closely resonates with me. To be honest the fact that you've done or have a lot of the things I'm striving for but havent got or havent tried or havent decided about yet and still feel the way I do makes me have second thoughts about any of them by themselves as the solutions to the angst I experience.

    Your idea on fighting for happiness is very appealing. In fact, if I can make a link, it seems to closely reflect Canadian author John Ralston Saul’s interpretation of the “pursuit of happiness” mentioned in the American constitution. This author’s interpretation of the intentions of the writers of the constitution was exactly that, the freedom to search for one’s “happiness” as a path rather than as an objective of flighty joy.
    In the second paragraph that I’m quoting from you, I think that you are really getting at the heart of the matter for me, not complicating it further. Is authenticity even a route to happiness? What is more important, the form or the content? I know it would be tempting to say the content. But what about all those statistics that say that married, healthy, wealthy people are on average happier? Is happiness brought about by satisfying superficial requisites for success? Perhaps these people simply completely bought into the whole image or maybe this image of success closely resembles their personal requirements for happiness.
    I have heard of Saul he is a critic of corporatism am I right? I'm not sure if its the same guy.

    The think about authenticity is its, for me, something I've experienced rather than an abstract goal, it is something which has been conceptualised by religious who believe in predestination or preordained designs and divine plans as the feeling of being "on track" or "vocation" or "calling", when you feel that you're really living and being yourself, perhaps its contentment, although maybe its not because some of the most real living I've done HAS involved disappointment or suffering but its preferable to apathy or alienated mundanity.

    I would say that there's no tick list for happiness and it does possibly change over time too, so its possible that for one person at one time that list of things, the superficial requisites, works but wouldnt for another, the difference being whether they experience them as enlivening, uplifting or challenging rather than just burdensome and boring.

  2. #22
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by musttry View Post
    I’m not sure how looking into the past will necessarily help the future though. How did this help you out?
    In understanding your foundational environment and authority figures, it helps you realise how some of your defensive mechanisms and also both positive and negative triggers, were created. There are times where I see a reflection of my own negative actions in how my parents react or what their expected reaction from myself or others would be. During these mirror times, I try to figure out the more emotionally healthy way to handle the situation.

  3. #23
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    Musttry: Trust me, it’s much harder said than done.
    This must be a J/P thing... I find my INFJ friends have a pretty tough time in relaxing as well. One is a mother of 5 and she is always running around driving one of them to an activity, or baking cookies for another kid, etc. I keep telling her to take time for herself because it will make her a better her. She sometimes takes my advice.

    I strive to have some prayer/meditation time each day, usually at the end of the day. It helps me get calmer/relaxed as needed, and is a way for me to seek God in my otherwise (fairly) busy life. Even 10 minutes of this can refresh me. Some days I look forward to it, and other days I feel kind of "eh" about it.

    I think everyone should have some time to themselves where none intrude.

  4. #24
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by musttry View Post

    Although I agree with what you say, trusting life to do it’s part is a big leap of faith. You either approach this with hope or dismay but I don’t think that it is easy to be self-aware and trusting of life.

    Trust me, it’s much harder said than done.
    I understand what you're saying. For me, I figure that life and time will do whatever it wants whether I trust it or not. Almost everything is well beyond my control. I need to accept it. So part of acceptance for me is just trust. Sometimes that means accepting that things may go horribly wrong with my personal pursuit.
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  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by shortnsweet View Post
    I understand what you're saying. For me, I figure that life and time will do whatever it wants whether I trust it or not. Almost everything is well beyond my control. I need to accept it. So part of acceptance for me is just trust. Sometimes that means accepting that things may go horribly wrong with my personal pursuit.
    This has been one of the hardest things for me to learn , and I wish I had learned it much, much, much sooner than I did. (Ok, I am not entirely sure I HAVE actually learned it totally yet... )

    @Jenaphor: In understanding your foundational environment and authority figures, it helps you realise how some of your defensive mechanisms and also both positive and negative triggers, were created. There are times where I see a reflection of my own negative actions in how my parents react or what their expected reaction from myself or others would be. During these mirror times, I try to figure out the more emotionally healthy way to handle the situation.
    I like this as well. Being an only child I was close to both of my parents. Losing my mom last year severed one major tie. Having my dad change and now be marrying someone else, has changed the other tie. Changed for the best really. I think we have a much more adult relationship now that is based on mutual respect and trust. (We still bug each other! )

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by shortnsweet View Post
    I understand what you're saying. For me, I figure that life and time will do whatever it wants whether I trust it or not. Almost everything is well beyond my control. I need to accept it. So part of acceptance for me is just trust. Sometimes that means accepting that things may go horribly wrong with my personal pursuit.
    I think this is wise and true.

    ---------

    Perhaps I'm a weird INFJ, but I have no problems relaxing and enjoying my free time. In fact I intentionally make sure I have this alone time, doing whatever I want to do (even if it's just sitting and contemplating things without any other distractions) simply because I know otherwise I become highly stressed/frazzled, and start crumbling, and also start feeling physically ill. Relaxation is a MUST for me! Plus... I don't really see the point of life if there isn't some element of enjoyment and pursuing ones' own interests/hobbies. Keeps me balanced.
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  7. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post
    I think this is wise and true.

    ---------

    Perhaps I'm a weird INFJ, but I have no problems relaxing and enjoying my free time. In fact I intentionally make sure I have this alone time, doing whatever I want to do (even if it's just sitting and contemplating things without any other distractions) simply because I know otherwise I become highly stressed/frazzled, and start crumbling, and also start feeling physically ill. Relaxation is a MUST for me! Plus... I don't really see the point of life if there isn't some element of enjoyment and pursuing ones' own interests/hobbies. Keeps me balanced.
    I will have to use you for my new example when I encourage my frazzled INFJ to take time for herself.

  8. #28
    Senior Member Survive & Stay Free's Avatar
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    Whether its stoicism or trust in divine providence or resignation to the limits of free will those things can help cope with anxiety and angst but I think that there is also personal responsibility to do good and try to see good done in your personal sphere of influence.

  9. #29
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    I have found somewhat of a way, but my way...no.
    "We knew he was someone who had a tragic flaw, that's where his greatness came from"

  10. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    This must be a J/P thing... I find my INFJ friends have a pretty tough time in relaxing as well.
    It's not a J/P thing, its a Se anima thing and it has been rather well documented. Ni dominants can often have a highly visceral reactionary status to changes in their environment especially when they lose trust in their environment. Outside of only a very few people who claim to be Ni dominant I have not found anyone who understand the disastrously unsettling nature of out of control changes in the environment and the warm sticky glue feeling when something sticks satisfactorily. It's always easy to spot the false Ni doms when you see their reaction to people undergoing this state.

    With regards to losing trust in the environment or having to exist in an environment which is shifting under your feet, there is only one thing to do at such a time. Grab it by both hands and steer it regardless of direction; somewhat akin to falling down the stairs.

    Do not worry, there is nothing unnatural that you may have missed this or the reasons for it; despite the detailed study by many individuals it is generally ignored on typology forums because Ni dominants actually slip from them due to the constantly unsettling and shifting environs; this tends to lead to most very attitude differentiated Ni users not hanging around to discuss it in depth.

    The only documented and established way to keep an Ni dominant calm and placid without them crawling up the walls with stress is to ensure that any changes to their environment are entirely organic. Forced change will have a highly visceral reaction especially if it is sudden and without earlier signs that things would move in that direction to allow their brain to mentally process and accept those changes.

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