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View Poll Results: About direction in life...

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  • ...have you found your way?

    5 23.81%
  • ...are you looking for your way?

    10 47.62%
  • ...What way??

    6 28.57%
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  1. #11
    Senior Member BAJ's Avatar
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    The reason I chose "What way?", is because I'm not sure what you mean. Are you asking if I was keeping up with social norms of accomplishment? Is "the way" referring to the amount of conspicuous consumption compared with what I expected of myself? That seems to be "the way" you are talking about. Some people had difficulty believing that I didn't buy a mortgage age 32, or have a marriage! I guess it depends on what standards you use.

    One of the things I did during that time (age 33) was work in a home for retarded adults at night. There was a lady there with Down's Syndrome. Every night, she played boggle junior. In this game there are blocks with letters on them and pictures of things on cards with words. She had the card for frog, and she was turning the blocks to match up the word "frog" written on the card. She did this game about every night. It dawned on me suddenly that my life was just like hers.

    Sure, I play chess. I go to the opera, the art museum. I have friends. I do something complex, but no matter how convoluted I made my life, it was no more important that this game of boggle junior. That is, it is all boggle junior.

    I don't know how that may help, except that to say that my life is a different path. You could use this to say, "Wow, I'm much more important that this guy, he was only a gardener!" Or you could also say, "Hum, perhaps I'm too serious about my life, and this rat race is all just some sort of game which is meaningless...I'm just passing time regardless comparison with others, so I think I'll relax more." Neither point of view would offend me. I'm offering multiple possibilities from the same story.

    My friend in the Air Force told me a story that a POW came and told them that expectations change. They felt really good if their captors fed them that day. It a philosophical sense, suffering is caused when the expectations do not meet reality.

  2. #12
    Senior Member musttry's Avatar
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    These are great answers. I appreciate the effort put into the posts.

    I’d like to start off my answer by addressing the concept of “socially acceptable”, which many of the responses seemed to focus on. You see, part of my questioning emerges from the fact that my life is currently turning out to include all those things that people around me desire and yet, I cannot seem to come to appreciate what I have. I have a deep seated feeling that I must learn to be content with what I have or else live with a constant feeling of dissatisfaction.

    I was happy to read mmhmm’s response first. I hadn’t heard of your firm before but I looked it up and it looks interesting. You yourself sound extremely and energetic and open to life and its experiences and you said a lot of great things. However, how can one crave so much and not fall into a pursuit of self-indulgence?
    I especially like this…
    Quote Originally Posted by mmhmm View Post
    complacency is a dirty word.
    I’ve always been intrigued by high energy people. I don’t know how you keep it up. I’m more of a goal-setting type of guy and keep on trucking with an even output of energy.
    Agentfurrina also seems to be high energy and successful. I think that the thought process that you’ve developed…
    Quote Originally Posted by agentfurrina View Post
    i used to feel i would never be satisfied with my achievements because i felt i had the ability to not only change the world, but transform it. i still have that belief, but the mental static is gone. i have replaced that inner dialogue with one of deep contentment brought about by the knowledge that i am working hard to make myself the best person i can be. whether i achieve any external goals is now secondary to the inner goals of self-knowledge and self-mastery.
    …is probably close to what I am looking for.
    Thanks slowriot for the response, despite the fact that you seem to be saying that you’re not an NF. The only reason I posted it here rather than anywhere else is because I don’t know how much of this type of existential questioning would interest other types.
    Quote Originally Posted by slowriot View Post
    *Knowing this is in the NF section* I just wanted to throw in a short comment, even if much cliche. You just seem to need to be able to relax more, try balancing out the extremes. Get the stick out your ass might not be bad advice, why do you have to run all the time for instance? Changes dont need to be big.

    However, when you say relaxing, I understand that as doing meaningless things. So, perhaps you’re right. But I in fact find very little gratification in some of life’s more trivial aspects. For example, I feel horrible after having spent an evening watching television. I have so many projects and plans that that has to be the worst thing I can do. In fact, in the short stint I was single (a year and a half) I think I can count on my fingers the times that I watched TV. My present gf spends lots of time in front of the TV so I do my share of being a couch potato. Maybe she’s good for me in that sense…who knows.
    Thanks for the Maslow Pyramid MatsNorway. I actually saw Maslow typed as an NF, which makes sense since he puts self-actualisation at the top.
    Quote Originally Posted by MatsNorway View Post
    I’m glad you found a way to be happy KDude. And I don’t think recognising one’s adversities necessarily constitutes a pity party.
    Quote Originally Posted by KDude View Post
    That all said, I'm fairly happy. I'm not that bored. I have a lot to think about, but it isn't about the future exactly.
    I think that what Metaphor said spoke most to me. It really is in the challenge. I also realised that the direction I take on is the one where things are tougher. It looks like I just need to be facing obstacles to know that I’m going the right way.
    Quote Originally Posted by Metaphor View Post
    Not so much bored but meaningless.
    I've spent my entire life living in the future, planning, reaching, goals oriented both short and long-term. What a waste of time since every goal attained wasn't what I really wanted. It was the challenge that kept me intensely focused.
    No idea. Let me know if you ever make it go away.
    Stress and adrenaline are addictive. It's taken around 4 years to detox to some degree. But when I get a hit, it's back to the same ol', same ol'.
    One thing I do strongly encourage for people trying to find themselves is to delve into their childhood homelife and start to map out how it's impacted on all your relationships.
    I’m not sure how looking into the past will necessarily help the future though. How did this help you out?
    You’re right cascadeco, a little contradictory. You hate being aimless but you live better without aim
    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post
    To be clear - stagnation is the WORST for me. I really hate getting to this point, as sometimes it's hard to figure out what the next step will be. And I always like to have a general idea of what I'm doing. I don't LIKE being aimless. But, I realize what I am going to type later in this post will seem to contradict this - even though I don't know that they truly contradict. meh.
    I've realized that for me, trying to solve the Master Plan Of My Life right now, to account for the rest of my life, is futile and impossible. Not to mention anxiety-inducing. Not to mention, it takes away from the joys of life.
    The ironic thing is that my lack of a definitive plan has actually made me much more solid, even career-wise, than I ever was before. It's sort of odd.
    That is exactly my question…If you don’t have a master plan to follow, how can you make meaningful decisions? Don’t they then become out of context decisions based on a self-indulgence paradigm? Do you stay at your job to keep the promotions or the stability because you know you want kids or do you follow your hankering of the day? Do you stay with a girl or do you not? Do you try to advance your education or do you use the time for relaxation? I don’t think you can make these decisions unless you have an overarching goal or plan…
    In fact, this might be a good way to balance it…
    Quote Originally Posted by SuchIrony View Post
    To answer the second part of the question, I'm generally content with the way things are now but I know there is definite room for improvement. So I do look for the greener grass while at the same trying to make the best of what I have now.
    Thanks for the refresher on Ni KDude. Always interesting to read…and I am definitely guilty of unsolicited planning for others. I can’t help it. Just this week I basically told my gf that I felt she was stagnating and brought home some college programmes. How romantic right! Can we say projection!
    Quote Originally Posted by KDude View Post
    Ni is hung up on the future. To be honest, I find it annoying in others. Mostly because people who think about the future a lot always are thinking about everyone else too. Or worse, volunteering people into it. It's like it goes hand in hand all of the time. It could be some hyper ESTP or an ENFJ. Even the OP expresses unnecessary "concern". That he/she is "worried" about others. Personally, I'm concerned that they're concerned.
    To make a compilation of the advice, it sounds like …
    1. I should get the stick out of my butt and relax
    2. Focus on the now and keep open to greener grass
    3. Follow the excitement (or passion?)
    It sounds kind of generic when you put it that way though.

  3. #13
    Senior Member Survive & Stay Free's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by musttry View Post
    To make a compilation of the advice, it sounds like …
    1. I should get the stick out of my butt and relax
    2. Focus on the now and keep open to greener grass
    3. Follow the excitement (or passion?)
    It sounds kind of generic when you put it that way though.
    Indeed. I agree.

    I want to keep this thread alive because despite being T dominant rather than F I experience this too, in fact I experience this without having accomplished as structured or apparently, to some, pleasing existence as yourself.

    Perhaps it could be because I'm T dominant but I can usually rationalise myself out of any distress caused by this dilemma in a way that is pretty consistent with some of the things which I've read about in cognitive behavioural therapy or rational emotive behavioural therapy or neuro-lingusitic programming, ie reframing it.

    Although the essential questions dont go away, I've gotten to thinking, especially with the input of others or finding that they have the same dilemmas, despite possessing or living the realities which I have from time to time suspected may off set the dilemma, for instance people who are married or have a religious vocation or have children or are dedicating their all to a single cause or campaign.

    I've been helped by reading and studying, not just books which tackle the idea of existential angst or meaning head on, some of those books are the worst of all for providing any kind of answer to dilemmas like this. Although I have found that happiness, love, religion (although this is closely related to the topic of love) and psychology are constants (when I say psychology I perhaps should say social theory, although that's too vague for my liking, what I mean is that I would read economics, sociology, philosophy for the same reasons, its usually about discerning and forecasting motive and behaviour).

    Relaxing can be hard when you're feeling compelled or troubled, distractions provide little solice and some of the things which people really value can turn out to be mere distractions in particular contexts (there's a great book on this topic in the art of living philosophy series) and myself I'm more convinced, as Bertrand Russell was, that happiness needs to be conquered, it takes real effort, its not really, or only, about better appreciating what you've got already.

    The grass is greener thing is a pitfall, although maybe it is greener? Maybe there is a better alternative, now simply because there is doesnt mean you will have it or even if you work for it it'll materialise, although its existence is a certain foil to a discussion or musing. Just how disturbing is it that objectively there really is a marginal cost in every single decision you make, get out of bed or dont get out of bed you're still passing up one possibility whatever you do, its then gone.

    I experienced a lot of this not two long ago, when I got insanely jealous of my own time and had tick lists and tried to do all I could in the first half of the morning and provide myself with free time for the rest of the day, got angry if things I hadnt planned intruded on this, got angry if they didnt and I suspected I was wasting my time anyway, online or whatever. How did I overcome that? Not sure that I did, its something which comes and goes, its not bothering me at the moment though.

    Excitement is grand but there's a lot of excitement which boils down to "that supposedly fun thing I'm never going to do again" in reality, I do think and put some store in the idea of natural highs or optimal states of nuitrition, athleticism etc. to deliver benefits but they arent going to remedy angst. Might put off experiencing it for another day or hour but that's the hight of it.

    Two of the greatest dilemmas I have, just throw these in to further complicate things, are the experience of inauthenticity, you really cant be yourself a lot of the time, and the associated idea that you arent really living your life, that you're great at keeping a routine, pleasing others, helping them out, doing what's expected but you cant say that's all there is to life.

  4. #14
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    I'm 32 and type ....

    Quote Originally Posted by musttry View Post
    Question 1 (in addition to the pole)
    Does anybody else feel bored even if their life is full and socially acceptable?
    Yes. I find that my mind is plentiful yet to put my ideas into action, i feel i will fall short of that greatness i get when i encompass my imagination. I know i'll accomplish great things (in that i mean personally not world renowned) in my life but ultimately those great things will come from within and not without. There is so much to do and see.


    Question 2
    This sounds like dreamer behaviour to me. Can anyone else relate? Is this an "n" thing, a "j" thing, an "nf" thing or a an NiFeTi thing? Is anyone else addicted to living in the future?
    Shit, i've been living in the future since 2002. Even now, i am focused on where i am going and not where i currently am. Yet i'm acknowledge that my future can differ from my preconceived ideals.


    Question 3
    Is this a type thing? Does this imply deep dissatisfaction with one's life? Does it go away? If so, for everyone or are NFs continuously looking for greener grass?
    I wouldn't know if it's a type thing. I am not deeply dissatisfied wiht my life, i only wish i had the resources to do as i wished without restrictions. Someone once told me the grass wasn't greener on the other side .. It was . I don't always look for that though as i do have moments where i purposely ground myself and smell the roses. Its awkward being an idealist yet also a realist, very conflicting at times.

    Question 4
    Has anybody found a way to START relaxing without feeling guilty (as in, could not relax but now can, not just generally being able to relax)? Is it the beginning of your demise?
    I only started to relax when my life started crumbling under my feet. How silly of me to think that i needed to be on the go all the time. I am worthy of a time-out. i think before, i wanted to 'do' because otherwise that meant i'd have to stop which would give me time to think and look at what was important which would equate to me reassessing what was important to me.

    Cool subject though.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  5. #15
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    I'm 26 and SP but want to participate (since I can relate to some of this stuff.) Though the answers are going to be slightly different.


    Question 1 (in addition to the pole)
    Does anybody else feel bored even if their life is full and socially acceptable?
    My life filled up much nicer when I realized that it's never going to be fully socially acceptable, nor does it have to be. However, my life is pretty "good" right now. I could stop right where I am. I am making good money and am well established in my community, I have my chosen career path. However, I have had a recent bout of depression from boredom and fear of what's going to happen next. (Even after trying to convince myself that nothing really needs to happen next.) I have had less than a year of stability and I am very ready to move on. (Short answer: YES! I do feel bored, and I will probably never be satisfied.)



    Question 2
    This sounds like dreamer behaviour to me. Can anyone else relate? Is this an "n" thing, a "j" thing, an "nf" thing or a an NiFeTi thing? Is anyone else addicted to living in the future?


    I'm not sure what I'm supposed to relate to. (Question one?) I don't have any of the above in my type. I'm pretty closed minded about relocating or straying from my current path. I'm a mover and a shaker in a linear fashion. (Everything is built from previous success. So, I will stay where I am popular and known, and I won't change careers.) So, while I'm never completely satisfied with my life, my path is relatively chosen, with a little leeway. (Like if I was to meet a husband or have a baby the plan could change.) Change within stability is fine for me. (Changing jobs within the area, changing houses within the area, changing friends within the area, you see what I mean.) I think I can blame this partially on being someone who was born with almost nothing, (though my mother was sure to provide me with plenty of opportunity.) I take "something" and hold onto it for dear life. Every success is a BIG VICTORY. You wouldn't throw out a trophy, as I would never just throw out my life all together.

    Question 3
    Is this a type thing? Does this imply deep dissatisfaction with one's life? Does it go away? If so, for everyone or are NFs continuously looking for greener grass?
    I have accepted that I can be satisfied and unsatisfied at the same time. I can enjoy the present and every beautiful moment and memory with the knowledge in my heart that I must strive for the future/ to better myself/ to gain knowledge/ to change where change is called for.

    Question 4
    Has anybody found a way to START relaxing without feeling guilty (as in, could not relax but now can, not just generally being able to relax)? Is it the beginning of your demise?

    Relaxing is supposed to be what life is all about. Nobody wants to die and say, "I spent my life searching for my place in life." I am not an NF, so am very moment to moment. Relaxing and having fun is natural to me. Again, like the question I answered above, it's not all or nothing for me. I think part of my "nothingness" upbringing will always have me nervous about stability and money. At least 20 years of truly "needing more" has translated into a mindset of still "needing more" and that will never ever go away.

    When did you find your way? Did you find your way? Were you looking for your way? Is finding your way equal to accepting the present? or is it equal to finding that challenge that will keep you moving in a direction?

    Finding your way is about being self aware. Knowing what you need in every moment and era of your life. You do your part, life will do it's part. I feel that I have found my way. (I'm not at the end, but I have the balance and wisdom to know that I will have the life that is right for me, and that I will always have the resources, information to know what to do next.) I can't say when I "found my way". I've probably been on the right track all along. I can't claim to know where I'm gong, (my whole life isn't clear before my eyes.) I just know that I'll know what to do as time goes on. I think that's the equivalent of "finding your way" to someone who is my age.

    I used to tell myself. "I can do anything I set my mind to" and now, the most precious amazing wisdom that I have in my life is hindsight, "I have done everything that I set my mind to" and now I know for a fact that life can always be what I want it to be.

    Edit: I don't necessarily live in the future. My mind is in the present. The needs of the future and achievements is a deep seated feeling that lingers in the background and sometimes I just need to act on it to make the feeling go away.
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  6. #16
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    1- I don't get bored very easily. Only child + INFP + w5 = entertainer of self since 1978.

    2- I am the queen of living in the future. I have a pink cotton candy castle, and ponies. Coming down to earth and present time is a necessary evil.

    3- I'm not necessary looking for greener grass. I think it's more of a, my dreamy thoughts are way more interesting than the realities of taking out the garbage, feeding my pets, and doing the accounting at work. Working on my dreams in life help me focus back on reality but with dreams as the center goal.

    I am easily contented with the small things in life.

    4- what's wrong with relaxing? I command myself to relax as often as I can get away with it.

  7. #17
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    i'm glad this was revived. i'm in my early 20s, but i've been pondering this "moving forward" recently too.

    Does anybody else feel bored even if their life is full and socially acceptable?

    i always need to be "moving towards" something big. i discovered this after graduating college. i thought it would be a good idea to "take some time off" to save money, because i didn't know what i wanted to do next. my life was very good - had a job - not a career job, but a job, friends, worked out regularly, nice place to live, interacted with family, etc - and i fell into a light depression. i figured out it was because i wasn't going anywhere. i had no sense of purpose.

    the problem was my life at that point had content but no storyline. no driving force. no soul. and i, unsurprisingly, was drowning, without the breath of life.

    incidentally, i do tend to be socially acceptable in the sense that OP wasn't using it. in the like, average person would approve of my life choices sort of acceptable. and actually that's important to me, in a way. i'm a social person and i like being connected with others and the greater society, and i want to be a person who has an active, positive impact in that realm. i wouldn't call myself conventional, but i don't see anything shameful in being socially acceptable. if it rings true with your heart then there should be no judgment in either direction.

    Is anyone else addicted to living in the future?

    maybe it's an addiction, but i can't imagine myself looking anywhere else. i can't change the past; i can't change the present; but i can change the future. it's not that i can't love life in the moment-to-moment, but i want - need - a sense of purpose. of what changes i am going to make and why. i am going to impact my environment, whether i like it or not, so i want to know why i'm doing what i'm doing and how well i'm doing it, so i can decide if i need to change it. i want to be doing something bigger. i think this is good... i think it's a sort of survival thing, rooted deep in me. and it connects me to the universe, keeps me pushing forward and upward and outward. growth.

    Is this a type thing? Does this imply deep dissatisfaction with one's life? Does it go away? If so, for everyone or are NFs continuously looking for greener grass?

    type, i don't know... it's probably a human thing... dissatisfaction, somewhat, yes. but not necessarily dissastifcation with life as much as dissatisfaction with my mindset. maybe i have green grass already, but if i can't find a purpose for it beyond rolling around in it, that makes me unhappy. i need to know it connects into the bigger picture. i want the "why".

    Has anybody found a way to START relaxing without feeling guilty (as in, could not relax but now can, not just generally being able to relax)?

    yes. and i know this sense of not being able to relax, too. if i don't have a driving sense of purpose, i can't appreciate free time. i feel like it's being wasted. i'm nervous and fidgety and i procrastinate. well, i procrastinate anyway, but i'm a crappy procrastinator. i just fret and worry instead of having fun. but i can relax (and procrastinate in a fun way) when - like mmhmm said - i've worked hard and played hard. when i'm set on a path, when i throw my soul into something, when i watch the effects that i'm having in the world, then i feel quite content to come home and sit on my ass and pour myself a bowl of lucky charms and watch some damn cartoons in my undies.

    this all said, what's hard for me is -choosing- the path. once i'm attached to it, i'm good to go.

    i have this lingering fear though, which is that i'm never going to become this ideal i think i have in my head. i think little-girl me somehow always has pictured big-girl me being Princess of the Universe, Special Magic Sparkles, Awesome Badass, Elegant Healer, Prolific Artist, Brilliant Mind, World Changer, Really-Fucking-Awesome-All-Around Grown Up Person. so um... yeah. i never was much one for small acts.

    still, i reached a state of very, very happy - maybe even self-actualizing - in my final year of college, and i'm hoping i can hit that again. it's where i'd like to stay. playing hard, partying hard, achieving, and loving. further up and further in, if any of you happen to be familiar with this obscure little reference

  8. #18
    lab rat extraordinaire CrystalViolet's Avatar
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    Sometimes I rather fancy myself as a revolutionary. However I'm stodgly middle class, and just wee bit boring, and I'll be too old by the time the next revolution happens. I'm only just realising I kinda need a cause to keep happy though, whether that be a person, or ideal.
    Currently submerged under an avalanche of books and paper work. I may come back up for air from time to time.
    Real life awaits and she is a demanding mistress.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  9. #19
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Does anybody else feel bored even if their life is full and socially acceptable?


    As much as I am restless for change, my Fi mindset tends to keep me feeling that I am far from my ideal, so there is always room to move forward. I'm only frustrated when situations feel like obstacles to moving forward, not like here is nowhere else to go. In other words, socially acceptable means nothing to me. "Full" has nothing to do with measurable goals being completed. If I felt like you did, then I'd be re-prioritizing, figuring out what it is that is making my life feel empty. When my priorities are straight, then at 27, I can be broke, single & living with my parents & not feel empty or like a total loser. I'm, instead, working towards something more significant than those material/status-oriented accomplishments.

    I guess I don't actively search for anything, so much as refine the dream.



    This sounds like dreamer behaviour to me. Can anyone else relate? Is this an "n" thing, a "j" thing, an "nf" thing or a an NiFeTi thing? Is anyone else addicted to living in the future?


    It's an "N thing" to be restless because we're future-oriented & need to keep moving forward. We have trouble being content with the present. NFs tend to be most content when in pursuit of some ideal, when things aren't settled so much as rife with promise.

    If it's destructive, then it's likely because you have not identified what is truly important to you, and so you're working towards things which are more distracting than fulfilling. You might also only be accomplishing things on a shallow level, and the lack of meaning makes them dissatisfying. Personally, I try not to view accomplishments as an end anyway; everything's a part of a continual process, so I'm never stuck or static.



    Is this a type thing? Does this imply deep dissatisfaction with one's life? Does it go away? If so, for everyone or are NFs continuously looking for greener grass?


    I think NF's can be very content, but never static when they are. This doesn't mean racking up PhDs, but always having some ideal they are actively working towards, even (or especially) if it's not "visible" to others.

    IMO, this dissatisfaction with your accomplishments implies that you don't know what you really need as an individual, so you're seeking success (& by extension happiness) according to general terms, what "everyone" is supposed to want/seek/need.


    Has anybody found a way to START relaxing without feeling guilty (as in, could not relax but now can, not just generally being able to relax)? Is it the beginning of your demise?


    This is not an issue for me. I don't see relaxing as being lazy, but an experience with value in itself. Again, stop trying to measure happiness with external markers.
    See the benefits of something in & of itself, especially when it concerns your own emotional/mental/physical well-being, as "relaxing" very much does. Not everything needs to be a stepping stone to some accomplishment that society esteems; there are intangible rewards & personal significance in things which do move you forward in life, but it's internal (you know, all that self-growth mumbo jumbo goodness).
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

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  10. #20
    Senior Member musttry's Avatar
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    Hey Lark. Thanks for reviving this thread. I hadn't been on TypeC for a while but I have continued on my path to self-discovery.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lark View Post
    ...myself I'm more convinced, as Bertrand Russell was, that happiness needs to be conquered, it takes real effort, its not really, or only, about better appreciating what you've got already.
    Two of the greatest dilemmas I have, just throw these in to further complicate things, are the experience of inauthenticity, you really cant be yourself a lot of the time, and the associated idea that you arent really living your life, that you're great at keeping a routine, pleasing others, helping them out, doing what's expected but you cant say that's all there is to life.
    Your idea on fighting for happiness is very appealing. In fact, if I can make a link, it seems to closely reflect Canadian author John Ralston Saul’s interpretation of the “pursuit of happiness” mentioned in the American constitution. This author’s interpretation of the intentions of the writers of the constitution was exactly that, the freedom to search for one’s “happiness” as a path rather than as an objective of flighty joy.
    In the second paragraph that I’m quoting from you, I think that you are really getting at the heart of the matter for me, not complicating it further. Is authenticity even a route to happiness? What is more important, the form or the content? I know it would be tempting to say the content. But what about all those statistics that say that married, healthy, wealthy people are on average happier? Is happiness brought about by satisfying superficial requisites for success? Perhaps these people simply completely bought into the whole image or maybe this image of success closely resembles their personal requirements for happiness.
    Quote Originally Posted by shortnsweet View Post
    I'm 26 and SP but want to participate (since I can relate to some of this stuff.) Though the answers are going to be slightly different.
    Finding your way is about being self aware. Knowing what you need in every moment and era of your life. You do your part, life will do it's part. I feel that I have found my way. (I'm not at the end, but I have the balance and wisdom to know that I will have the life that is right for me, and that I will always have the resources, information to know what to do next.) I can't say when I "found my way". I've probably been on the right track all along. I can't claim to know where I'm gong, (my whole life isn't clear before my eyes.) I just know that I'll know what to do as time goes on. I think that's the equivalent of "finding your way" to someone who is my age.
    Although I agree with what you say, trusting life to do it’s part is a big leap of faith. You either approach this with hope or dismay but I don’t think that it is easy to be self-aware and trusting of life.
    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    4- what's wrong with relaxing? I command myself to relax as often as I can get away with it.
    Trust me, it’s much harder said than done.
    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    i always need to be "moving towards" something big. i discovered this after graduating college. i thought it would be a good idea to "take some time off" to save money, because i didn't know what i wanted to do next. my life was very good - had a job - not a career job, but a job, friends, worked out regularly, nice place to live, interacted with family, etc - and i fell into a light depression. i figured out it was because i wasn't going anywhere. i had no sense of purpose.
    the problem was my life at that point had content but no storyline. no driving force. no soul. and i, unsurprisingly, was drowning, without the breath of life.
    still, i reached a state of very, very happy - maybe even self-actualizing - in my final year of college, and i'm hoping i can hit that again. it's where i'd like to stay. playing hard, partying hard, achieving, and loving. further up and further in, if any of you happen to be familiar with this obscure little reference
    I get what you mean skylights: It’s precisely when things settle, when the highs aren’t so high that you start taking stock of what is really going on. I think that when one has reached an “objective” or “plateau” the feeling of being aimless is totally surprising. Was it the adrenaline of going somewhere that hid the feelings of aimlessness or are these feelings part and stock of a plateau period?
    As for myself, I’ve reached some conclusions that some people in this thread have alluded to but that I hadn’t realised on my own yet. In fact, OrangeAppled, are you my shrink? If not, well, it’s very close to what she has been bringing me to.
    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I think NF's can be very content, but never static when they are. This doesn't mean racking up PhDs, but always having some ideal they are actively working towards, even (or especially) if it's not "visible" to others.
    IMO, this dissatisfaction with your accomplishments implies that you don't know what you really need as an individual, so you're seeking success (& by extension happiness) according to general terms, what "everyone" is supposed to want/seek/need.
    In my personal experience, I have indeed been working on trying to get the “form” right hoping that it would bring about satisfaction. Unfortunately, I have been nitpicking at useless details for years and not concentrating on being “authentic” and choosing what was right for me. Lot’s of exercise routines, extra university courses, long hours, suffering through relationships and never focussing on what I want my life experience to be. The realisation is hard to swallow, and I’m choking on trying to find authentic goals.

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