[MBTI General] A bad habit. A horrible inclination

[lapalm]

I've been studying the types for about a week or two, trying to type and figure myself out.

I recently realized a horrible inclination I have. Could be related to my type (which I don't even know right now) but I would hate to blame it on that. It's just me and it needs help.

I tend to seek out the negative in people. It might be when I spend too much time alone or too much time thinking, because generally when I am being social and interacting with people, it doesn't happen as much.

Example: Went dancing with a small group of friends this past weekend. After a few drinks I finally loosened up and was able to dance and not feel awkward. I ended up dancing and kissing this guy. If I were watching me, I would assume we were both really into each other. I didn't really feel anything for him, I was just doing it because it was happening. And I was drinking so I wasn't really thinking about it too much. Eventually he told me that we should go somewhere, lalala. And I ended it with I don't do that. Basically, I was giving him all the signs physically. Then verbally saying: sorry, I am not the type of person to just sleep with anyone and have higher standards than you. I realize now that I just assumed he has low standards and ugh I don't know. I feel like I said it in an insensitive way which was not necessary at all.

It's like I'm always assuming that people should improve. Or thinking in my head what they could do better. With that guy, it was like I led him to believe we were on the same page, and then just shattered it by giving the image that I was better than him.

Maybe this is my way of dealing with my own insecurities?

It seems as though the root of the problem is that I look down on people. The only people that would confirm this are very close friends, because I doubt people would suspect I'm that way. I think I give off the "sweet" exterior.

I want to change this but I'm not sure how.

And I don't want to place blame - but both of my parents are like this. I am the youngest of 4 and hardly hear anything positive about my older siblings from my parents. My sense of entitlement might come from the fact that I always tried to be good so my parents wouldn't say anything bad about me...like I had heard them say about my siblings.

Can anyone relate. Or give me a good slap in the face?

 

[Savage Idealist]

Your problem doesn't seem to be type related at all, or at least I don't think it is. It seems like that at a young age you developed severe insecurities concerning yourself and your compensation for them has manifested into manipulative emotional abuse. By holding high expectations of others and seeking negativeness within them. Well that's my theory anyway.

What I recommend for you is to try and look into your actions carefully, think why do you do these things in the first place, and/or tell yourself not to do them anymore. If the problem persists beyond that you may want to consider going to a professional psychologist, especially is these habits become intrusive in your daily life.

 

[lapalm]

Thanks

I realized it was kind of ridiculous of me to post this. I was just looking for reassurance.

I do this...and I guess it is getting in the way, but moreso realized it is just the impression I have of people. I need to stop making assumptions (which usually stem from my insecurity) and be open to changing my opinions of others.

I don't have a problem treating everyone with friendliness and respect at all, but I think my negative assumptions sometimes get in the way of me fully listening to them and not prejudging what they say. Isn't the a human problem in general? Not making excuses, but as I write about this, it seems like a mistake a lot of people can/do make.

I have been reading "The Wisdom of the Enneagram" and the author talks a lot about stripping ourselves completely of our disillusionments and not putting people into boxes. I think I'm starting to take baby steps in that direction of seeing people as people and realizing that if there is anything wrong with them, it is simply because I think there is something wrong with them and the way the think/act etc.

 

[Savage Idealist]

Originally posted by lapalm
Thanks

Your welcome

I realized it was kind of ridiculous of me to post this. I was just looking for reassurance.

Oh it's not ridiculous at all, if you have a problem in life and don't know what to do about it, then it's imperative to consult help from others.

I do this...and I guess it is getting in the way, but moreso realized it is just the impression I have of people. I need to stop making assumptions (which usually stem from my insecurity) and be open to changing my opinions of others.

Yes

I don't have a problem treating everyone with friendliness and respect at all, but I think my negative assumptions sometimes get in the way of me fully listening to them and not prejudging what they say. Isn't the a human problem in general? Not making excuses, but as I write about this, it seems like a mistake a lot of people can/do make.

Your problem isn't uncommon, there are a lot of people who let their insecurities interfere with their relations of other people.

I have been reading "The Wisdom of the Enneagram" and the author talks a lot about stripping ourselves completely of our disillusionments and not putting people into boxes. I think I'm starting to take baby steps in that direction of seeing people as people and realizing that if there is anything wrong with them, it is simply because I think there is something wrong with them and the way the think/act etc.

That is definitely the path that you want to take.