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  1. #1
    Senior Member BAJ's Avatar
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    Default how to make friends at 40?

    I'm about to turn 40, and I've basically been without irl social groups for about 6 years. I work on a farm in a rural area.

    I've been deeply craving some psychological intimacy, and perhaps a few hugs. There are numerous options to increase this potential.

    One thing, I'm combing "meet up groups" listings, and I've started posting here. I've increased letter writing and emails.

    I've went out and interviewed people who seem to be artists of one kind or another, trying to find where people go within 100 miles of my location.

    Also, I made the three and a half hour drive back to visit my sisters, parents, nieces and nephew last weekend (220 miles). (100% chance of hugs there.)

    As for meet up groups, most have positions which are "off" from my own. I joined two free-thought societies, but I'm not a militant atheist. (I've not been to any of their events yet.) I went to mass last Sunday, though I'm not really Catholic or exclusively Catholic. I believe in similar principles to Jesus, but I'm probably more Buddhist than Christian.

    Browsing around I found many things like "County Patriots", let's take our country back or something. NO! Too confrontational. One club raises chickens in their backyard

    How much would you compromise to get some hugs? Zero chameleon-ization? I could, of course, convince them that I am the same faith, but I would feel bad about it.

    Maybe I should just wander around randomly and be nice to people.

    Although I'm currently considering myself to be slightly F, there is a lot of social awkwardness and shyness in there.

    I did join a group that is one hour away that simply meets to see movies. That looks pretty good, but it is one hour away, and it will take lots of time before psychological intimacy would develop there.

  2. #2
    Ghost Monkey Soul Vizconde's Avatar
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    Join a club(s).

    Preferably ones that make you wear a funny hat (as long as its not made out of a white sheet).

    And move to where the fucken people are.
    I redact everything I have written or will write on this forum prior to, subsequent with and or after the fact of its writing. For entertainment purposes only and not to be taken seriously nor literally.

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  3. #3
    Senior Member BAJ's Avatar
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    Oh, hah. That sounds like tremendous fun. Perhaps I could go get a big collection of funny hats, and then try to attract people to me. Actually, I think I tried this. It didn't work. Also, I don't know where these clubs are. List?

    It seems obvious! Move to the people!

    However, I live in a rural area, and my professional career is agriculture, especially fish farming. I work on a farm, and they provide me with a place to live. This provides a 40 acre fenced in yard for my dog, who I love dearly.

    Although I like the opera, theaters, art galleries, etc., I don't know how I could move to the city. I don't know how I'd care for my dog there. Also, I do not know what I could do for employment there. I like my job, except for the lack of people.

  4. #4
    Ghost Monkey Soul Vizconde's Avatar
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    Oh well. Welcome here. Its a start... I will be your friend for what its worth (after you get to know me better you can always unfriend me later with no hard feelings lol)

    The virtual world has its perks. Post here and consider showing up for one of the irl gettogethers for laughs (not a serious strategy of course)

    However real world does have its perks. Perhaps adopt a city/urban area to be your playground.

    They got a bunch of different clubs, especially for 40 somethings out there. Lot of them have animal names Lions, Elks, Kiwanis etc... Consider mixing business with pleasure but at the same time avoid getting scammed (i.e. avoid the bernard madoff; perhaps a tax write-off can be discovered in the adventure.

    also consider adopting a strategy of makeing friends as a day to day game. This is a classic for some basic strategies http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/143...ER29GJ8YAFSBV7
    I redact everything I have written or will write on this forum prior to, subsequent with and or after the fact of its writing. For entertainment purposes only and not to be taken seriously nor literally.

    Quote Originally Posted by Edgar View Post
    Spamtar - a strange combination of boorish drunkeness and erudite discussions, or what I call "an Irish academic"

  5. #5
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    The chicken-raising club sounds like fun! I'd love to take care of some barnyard animals myself.

    I think it's great that you would go out of your way to find friends; not many people would be that courageous (i.e., me). It's a quality that should be admired.

    Yes, clubs! The city nearest to you should be a good place to start. Good luck!
    Yes, I take it with no cream and no sugar.

    And yes, some of us drink it bitter.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    You want hugs, go to AA meetings. They're definitely huggers.

    What about massage therapy? Are there any massage therapists within driving distance? It's not hugs, but it's human touch...

  7. #7
    That's my name biotch! JoSunshine's Avatar
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    Volunteer! Volunteer! I would probably be a lot easier to find something that meshes with your values in that regard. Is there a hospital, school, animal shelter or some other organizations nearby that might be of interest to you?
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. " - Dr. Seuss
    I can't spell...get over it

    Slightly ENFJ, totally JoSunshine
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  8. #8
    Senior Member BAJ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    You want hugs, go to AA meetings. They're definitely huggers.

    ...

    Good call. It would have to be open meetings since I'm not sure I'm an alcoholic anymore. 12 steps are a great place to start. There's was a local meeting, but it was 100% war stories. The closest other meeting is about 45 miles. I think it's a closed meeting too.

    Quote Originally Posted by JoSunshine View Post
    Volunteer! Volunteer! I would probably be a lot easier to find something that meshes with your values in that regard. Is there a hospital, school, animal shelter or some other organizations nearby that might be of interest to you?

    Thanks I'll think about this.

  9. #9
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Volunteering is a great idea. Do you live close enough to a college town that you could drive in for a once-a-week class? I find it easier to meet kindred spirits in academics and in activities that I enjoy such as music and theatre. Maybe start a book club in your area? If you play an instrument, post up a flyer and find some people who are interested in jamming. There are probably others around you who like the things you do, but can't find kindred spirits, either.

    It might take a while to start friendships from scratch and have them develop into hugging-possibilities. If you're missing physical contact right now, massage isn't a bad idea.
    Something Witty

  10. #10
    Dreaming the life onemoretime's Avatar
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    It would help to know what general part of the world we're talking about. Different places have different options, ya know?

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