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  1. #11
    Senior Member BAJ's Avatar
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    I live in the Florida panhandle. Since it is a farm, the hours increase from about now until August. In the spring, I may work very long hours.

    Generally, it seems to be harder to obtain friends as you get older. In high school and college, you are in the same classes and/ or clubs. Then if you have a family, you might meet people because your kids are in the same classes and clubs. If your friends get married, they want to hang out with married people.

    I've never had massage. I do believe I'm EXTREMELY ticklish. I'm not sure what would happen if I went to a session.

    I'm starting to try to read various threads herein and catch up. I think my Fe is weak! I'm sort of an INXP, but I've come to believe, all things considered, that my NF is stronger. My sister is probably ESFJ (most of my family has no interest in MBTI). She can go somewhere, like Europe, meet people for the first time and spend the weekend hanging out with them. She makes friends just walking into a room. I could go live somewhere, and not know anyone for a while. I've lived in this community for about five years, and I hardly know anyone here.

    It's like "The Last Unicorn", she realizes that she hasn't said anything in a long time. I need to be like "The Little Prince" and go on a journey, away from my tree, and my small planet. Etc. Although, I can be a good listener, I need to probably bring out the Fe to meet people. I just need to practice, and try not fight those windmills so much when other people may be watching.

    I have some ideas now. I joined a free-though society, but they seem to be close-minded in the sense that they are sort of militant atheists who try to get "In God We Trust" removed from things. I want to join a freer thought society, maybe an "open-minded" society. There is a Unitarian Universalist a hour away, which may be possible some weeks. Also, if I just want hugs, I could just go down to one of the churches and meet people.

    An intern here went directly to the nearest Baptist church with his guitar and met more people in a week than I probably have met in my five years here.

    Yet, I'd have to be up front about it. I don't think I could just pretend.

  2. #12
    Dreaming the life onemoretime's Avatar
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    A few ideas:

    1. How close to Tallahassee or Gainesville are you? You seem like a very inquisitive person, and a true lifelong learner. Perhaps you could take some weekend classes at Florida State (or UF if Gainesville is closer)? You'd be able to meet people with a wide variety of views and experiences, and discuss things that you find interesting and important.

    2. You mention that you are a good listener. If it's psychological intimacy that you want, then there's no better skill that you can have. Volunteering at support groups might play to your strengths.

    3. How far are you from the ocean? Would you enjoy going on a deep-sea fishing excursion? Great chance to meet people over the course of a day. I'm not sure, but you might be able to bring your dog, too.

    4. How are your cooking skills? Any sort of cook-offs in the area for, say, barbecue?

  3. #13
    Senior Member BAJ's Avatar
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    Tallahassee is about 1 hour, and so is the coast. Both places have a possibilities.

    These are good suggestions.

  4. #14
    Warflower Nijntje's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BAJ View Post
    It's like "The Last Unicorn", she realizes that she hasn't said anything in a long time. I need to be like "The Little Prince" and go on a journey, away from my tree, and my small planet. Etc. Although, I can be a good listener, I need to probably bring out the Fe to meet people. I just need to practice, and try not fight those windmills so much when other people may be watching.
    This has nothing to do with anything, but i effing love The Last Unicorn.

    Good luck!

    Terrible things happen to good people every day.
    Consequentially, I am not one of the good people.
    I am one of the terrible things.
    .



    Conclusion: Dinosaurs


  5. #15
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    @baj: Making friends is hard, especially if you're in isolated settings and older. I've had some experience with both. When I was growing up, I was lonely because I lived in the country with few other houses nearby and no real friends my age I connected with. And when I separated from my spouse a few years ago and lost a lot of my social support system, it has been a real struggle to figure out where to go to rebuild, since most women my age (I'm 42) are still married and raising their children. It was like being single all over again and getting dumped into a new culture, where I was never good at random socializing anyway.

    I think your thread is a good idea, am glad to see all the various things you're trying, and am glad to see some responses as well. My advice is more just to not give it; it can be demoralizing sometimes when doors might keep shutting or new ventures don't seem to work out, but in the end the only way to find some worthwhile relationships is to fail to connect in a number of others.



    Quote Originally Posted by spamtar View Post
    Oh well. Welcome here. Its a start... I will be your friend for what its worth (after you get to know me better you can always unfriend me later with no hard feelings lol)
    Lol -- I was gonna say, "Yup, that'll cure him. He won't even want friends again after that. Everyone's happy."

    Quote Originally Posted by Nijntje View Post
    This has nothing to do with anything, but i effing love The Last Unicorn.
    Good luck!
    Great book.

    I even liked the cartoon (because it was Rankin-Bass), although it was kind of cobbled together and had a lot of wtf moments in it.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  6. #16
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    watch The 40 Year Old Virgin

  7. #17
    Senior Member BAJ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    . My advice is more just to not give it [up]; it can be demoralizing sometimes when doors might keep shutting or new ventures don't seem to work out, but in the end the only way to find some worthwhile relationships is to fail to connect in a number of others.
    Yes, I'll have to try to remember this, instead re-doubling my efforts to repair lost causes, or failing to try since the situation is not perfect in the 200 imagined future conversations with that person. It reminds me of the expression, "The perfect is the enemy of the good." I need to remember that!


    Quote Originally Posted by Elfboy View Post
    watch The 40 Year Old Virgin


    Oh my. I did one time, and that movie is about too painful and close to home to watch. I had to watch that movie peeking through my fingers.

  8. #18
    Dreaming the life onemoretime's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BAJ View Post
    Oh my. I did one time, and that movie is about too painful and close to home to watch. I had to watch that movie peeking through my fingers.
    Then again, Andy was the most developed human being of any of the characters. That's what made it so funny.

  9. #19
    small potatoes NotOfTwo's Avatar
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    The Last Unicorn was one of the books in my life that changed me. You seem well read, how about book discussion groups? Or a writing class?

  10. #20
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    How many people are in your small community? Maybe you could start a club yourself - rather than try to find one that fits, make one custom to you. Book club, movie discussion club, the shy over-40 club ... the sky is the limit!

    Remember too many people go to church to partake in community and enjoy the social aspects of that, so 100% unquestioning belief is not a prerequisite to be in that environment. Plus, volunteer opportunities abound in church, both inreach and outreach!
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

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