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Thread: INFJ guy help

  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by StarryKnights View Post
    'I am assuming all of your fingers are broken as you didn't get back to me and all...but I would still like to go on a walk. Using a pencil gripped between your teeth...please press Y for yes or N for no.'
    That sounds exactly like something I would say lol. I just found out I have to go to a meeting tonight that he'll probably be at, so hopefully I can get the guts to talk to him then, but if not, I'm totally sending this to him. I guess I won't give up on it yet
    ~Frankie~

    ~~ INFJ ~ 9w8 ~~

  2. #22
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Frankie View Post
    That sounds exactly like something I would say lol. I just found out I have to go to a meeting tonight that he'll probably be at, so hopefully I can get the guts to talk to him then, but if not, I'm totally sending this to him. I guess I won't give up on it yet
    That's the spirit Frankie. I feel inspired by you.
    I actually get super nervous around guys that I am interested in...but I try to frame it not in terms of what I might lose...but in terms of what there is to gain. Each day is a new day...and anything can happen! You are awesome.

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Curator View Post
    well, I find the only time I act similarly to the way you describe this guy, is when I really like some one, but am really unsure of my feelings for them, and im partially afraid of getting to attached to fast (or them getting to attached to fast) while im still unsure what I want... Im not exactly a typical INFJ male however... so take what I say with a grain of salt...

    The ignoring of texts seem a bit strange though, but if he is notorious about this, does that to everyone, then I wouldn't take offense at it, he could just hate phones/texting, like I do, I still dont ignore texts (when I had a working phone) but my replies would normally be very short...Your best bet, is to just cut through all the games and let him know you are interested, but in a non-threatening mellow sort of way like "I am interested in the possibility of a romantic relationship with you, but im happy as just friends if thats what you want." kinda thing... it may be incredibly hard, but sometimes being straight forward like that, is a hell of a lot easier than beating around the bush for years (been there, done that:/)
    With risk of going off-topic on this one, What in the world is a Typical Male Infj? o.O
    Open for interpretation.
    Jo
    Fell for the temptation: Nohari / Johari

  4. #24
    Another awesome member. Curator's Avatar
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    I dont really identify as a male, that was what I meant by that... genetically and genitally I am... but I wrote all about that in my thread on the sexuality forum, so im not gonna go into it all here..

  5. #25
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    [QUOTE=the state i am in;1473897]i've had these exact same situations before. i'm working SO HARD right now trying to figure out how to break this cycle. i've had it happen three times in the last month.

    basically, if i vent, if i communicate, if i'm fully myself, i kind of unconsciously talk. i'm an sx/sp. it just gushes forth. i trust, to some degree, or i believe it's worth it, or i'm interested in sharing myself. it's still sometimes more me-centered than the other person centered, but if i think i can share me, it's usually because i trust, respect, and am genuinely interested in the other person. but after this unconscious gushing, i recognize that my monitor completely turned off. i have no idea what this person thinks, and worse yet, i'm COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS to the social record. i don't know if i violated any norms, any expectations, what kind of signals have been sent, etc. i get so self-conscious, i feel guilty, i blame myself, i'm embarrassed bc i can't take anything back, all the alarm bells are going off, and i get super SKITTISH. i'm not present at all, i'm overwhelmed by projections rather than drinking in experience and being in the moment. i don't know how to respond because i'm not in a responsive kind of flow, i've lost it, and ESPECIALLY in social situations when i feel like i've just lost control of my image, i have no idea what i've been projecting to others, and i don't know what the context of the current moment is bc i haven't been building a story of where you are, where i am, etc. i've just let down my guard and started blurting shit out.if i gravitate to someone, it means i'm interested in them. i want to talk. i want to explore. i want to share, most of all, sharing is the most important thing to me. the chance to be the real me is the best possibility of all possibilities. but especially when that intersects with social expectations, i lose my sense of confidence and feel like i'm just missing the story, just full of gaps, and trying to be prepared doesn't help, but the more anxious the more i get out of the moment, the more difficult it is to just flow, and the more overwhelming it feels trying to accept your emotions, stabilize the anxiety, and ALLOW YOURSELF TO MAKE MISTAKES. i hate the idea of making a mistake so much. just one. how could i forgive myself. i'm working on it.

    anyway, this rant is one potential way of populating the interior of your infj male in question. what's his enneagram? from my perspective, i think i would have some interest in a female infj. so much to learn from each other. but i feel so terrible at exploring situations, and instead do too much immediate predictive --> protective cutting off or avoidance.

    also, i lose confidence in my READING OF THE STORY between us all the time. i'm terrible at creating and keeping those threads going, and checking in with the interiors. as a result, gestures and exteriors can get overblown, and become so inflected with my own mood state. being firm in your place in the story, sharing just a bit of your story that is important or clears away anxiety, well, it tends to advance things quite successfully in my experience. the hesitation loop is so frustrating for infjs, and i want to figure out how to break it, but sometimes in our moments of unhealth it seems like we just feel dependent on that initiation coming from outside of us![/QUOTE]

    I don't know if it's unhealthy (to the second bolded part). I think sometimes both people are afraid of showing how they feel to the other person, which is perfectly natural, even if you like and trust the other person. If the other person initiates, I'm so grateful that I won't hesitate to recirprocate. It's always more difficult to know what to do when feelings for someone else are strong. To the first bolded part: you're not alone.
    Last edited by Lauren; 02-21-2011 at 07:54 AM.

  6. #26
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    So I ended up texting him again (with pretty much exactly what you said StarryKnights!) and he responded almost immediately. He might be going out of town this weekend with some friends, so he's not sure if he can...but I'm optimistic even if he can't Sat. then Monday is still a possibility, so keeping fingers crossed. Thanks for encouraging me to not give up on it!
    ~Frankie~

    ~~ INFJ ~ 9w8 ~~

  7. #27
    Another awesome member. Curator's Avatar
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    ^_^ I think its awesome you sent that to him btw,hahahahaha

  8. #28
    Senior Member Onceajoan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lily flower View Post
    INFJ's have the bad habit of acting too interested in someone, then backing off to protect themselves. It sounds a little exhausting to me, but it does sound like INFJ behavior to me.
    Too true! Come on strong in the beginning, but in a low key manner (if that at all makes sense?), then, s**t! (hit with the realization) what did I get myself into? I dunno. There's an issue of intensity for me. I'm not sure it's the same for other INFJs.

    Quote Originally Posted by Frankie View Post
    So I ended up texting him again (with pretty much exactly what you said StarryKnights!) and he responded almost immediately. He might be going out of town this weekend with some friends, so he's not sure if he can...but I'm optimistic even if he can't Sat. then Monday is still a possibility, so keeping fingers crossed. Thanks for encouraging me to not give up on it!
    He's got a thing for you. Texting right back is the clue. The eye gazing also makes that pretty clear.
    What if everything's an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. - Woody Allen

  9. #29
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    So it's not worked out now. We talked on Friday and he said he couldn't Sat but maybe Monday. He also mentioned something about his roommate wanting to do some stuff Monday too. It kinda confused me so I asked him later if he meant his roomie wanted to come w us or like he just might be doing something else that day...and I told him that the invite was just for him so presumably he's figuring out things? He didn't respond but when I asked him again today he said sorry but he thinks he might be busy so he can't. I don't know if I should give up, back off, or keeping trying :/ He was really talkative and even flirted with me Friday and then this.
    ~Frankie~

    ~~ INFJ ~ 9w8 ~~

  10. #30
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    Trust me, this guy is into you! Keep trying! The thing with INFJ guys, is we are clueless when it comes to the initial stages of romance. He's most likely not lying about being busy. When he has some free time, say the offer still stands.

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