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  1. #11
    I drink your milkshake. Thessaly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arclight View Post
    So because I can still care about you and yet mean it when I say fuck you, I am not being honest?
    In my fuck you scenario neither of them care. Not very deeply anyways.
    With dreamers, pure and simple, the imagination remains a vaguely sketched inner affair. It is not embodied in any aesthetic or practical invention. Reverie is the equivalent of weak desires. Dreamers are the aboulics of the creative imagination.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thessaly View Post
    In my fuck you scenario neither of them care. Not very deeply anyways.
    I see.

    *goes away to regroup*

  3. #13
    I drink your milkshake. Thessaly's Avatar
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    lol depending on the context Fe can be either a confusing pain in the butt or intoxicating. I have a love/hate relationship with it. It's just my personal philosophy that honesty always trumps sensitivity.
    With dreamers, pure and simple, the imagination remains a vaguely sketched inner affair. It is not embodied in any aesthetic or practical invention. Reverie is the equivalent of weak desires. Dreamers are the aboulics of the creative imagination.

  4. #14
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    I agree.. But that doesn't mean sensitivity doesn't have to be part of honesty.. I suppose it's not obligatory, but most people still appreciate it.

    For example..Just because I am saying you did something careless does not mean you are careless or that I think you are careless.
    It simply means you made a mistake.. This is honest.. However if I just say you fucked up.. maybe you are fine with that too.
    But what is wrong with making sure I differentiate between, being upset does not mean I hate you.. This is honest.You making a mistake does not mean I have suddenly forgotten all the wonderful qualities you possess or that I now label you the adjective of that behavior.

    All my good feelings for you still exist even if I am upset about something pertaining to you.. they do not cancel each other out..

    SO I can easily say.. You piss me off.. but I still love/like you and care..
    Expressing this is not dishonest.. It's said to remind you people have disagreements and such and why should relationships end over it, if it's not a consistent disagreement?

  5. #15
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    edit: all opinions stated in this post are based on my (obviously limited) experience with ENFJs and noooot necessarily correct... any ENFJs if you think i've said something inaccurate please let me know

    Quote Originally Posted by Thessaly View Post
    ENFJs are pathological liars when it comes to their feelings.
    fwiw, my take on this... ENFJs are much more careful (in the sense of trying not to harm others) than NFPs when it comes to sharing the full scope of their feelings... but usually the closer you are, the more you get to know.

    it can feel like dishonesty to Fi, when you find out there was more to the story than initially revealed.

    Quote Originally Posted by Satine
    And yes, their J kinda demands 'where is this going', whereas we tend to go 'let's just see where it goes, k?'
    feels like being trapped sometimes. or like you have to be so careful every moment not to fail if you're trying to live up to someone's expectations of where it needs to go.

    Quote Originally Posted by Arclight
    If you get in touch with him.. I would advise you be very open with both yourself and him, as to what your intentions truly are.
    Which means you should make sure you know this, honestly with yourself.
    yeah.

    lapalm - i'm sorry it ended in a hard way, and that you've felt stress about it.

    just as a fellow FP, i would think to just be careful that you're not doing this more because you're feeling unstable internally than you are to make your lives better. in my experience, an FP trying to explain oneself and/or one's actions in a relationship with an FJ can easily lead down a long path of dramatic self-explanation and the FJ person getting kind of fed up with you because you appear way more concerned about yourself than concerned about your relationship, or about them. i think FPs put more weight on meaning well (as opposed to actual consequences) than FJs do, and explaining to him how you didn't mean to scare him off might not really be as positive for him as it would be if someone did that for you. it could potentially just come off as a very self-absorbed maneuver... as in, your explanation being for the purpose of him not thinking badly of you - purely for your own benefit - instead of to heal the rift between you... even though i'm sure you don't mean that at all.

    if you want to contact him because you want to apologize for potentially hurting him, that sounds good, or because you really care about him and just want to check in on him as a friend, or just letting him know that you feel no ill will towards him, i would think that's good too, but i would err on the side of not contacting him mainly because you feel bothered inside by the situation and want him to understand what you were thinking better. like, try to make sure the consequences of your actions are going to be positive for both of you, cause FPs can miss that accidentally.

    i have definitely felt a similar way with an ENFJ before, but sometimes i think we just have to let these things go

    good luck with whatever you decide to do

  6. #16
    Junior Member Tricksie's Avatar
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    Wow, I know this isn't the point of the thread, but I'm amazed at the statement:

    Quote Originally Posted by Thessaly View Post
    I ENFJs are pathological liars when it comes to their feelings.
    I don't think I know anyone who would ever say I lie about my feelings. And I don't think that protecting someone else's feelings while I express my own is a "lie" or a "weakness." Instead, I think that if I can express myself fully in a way that doesn't hurt/offend someone else, then I've also allowed that person to hear me better and I've furthered the ability to actually communicate. It's not about lying, misrepresenting, or manipulating.

    I know this is a board all about typology, but it seems to me that we have a lot of members who seem to think that EVERYTHING someone does is SOLELY based on their type...as opposed to their level of maturity, experience, integrity, etc.

    And, to the original poster, I think that if you feel the need to clarify/make an overture to your ENFJ, you should do so *IF* you're doing so because it's something YOU want/need to do...as opposed to in the hopes of getting a particular response from your ENFJ.

  7. #17
    I drink your milkshake. Thessaly's Avatar
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    "I swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me god" - Fi
    "I swear to tell the truth in a manner that may be left up for interpretation to avoid discomfort and hurt feelings" - Fe

    Tricksie I don't think anyone here is that dumb and I'm sure you don't either. Everyone knows their opinions are circumstantial with exceptions and all sorts of contextual factors that need to be taken into account (as is annoyingly stated all the time). Everyone knows typology isn't exactly some scientific law like gravity. It's up to posters to choose whether or not they are going to be offended by others' opinions or whether they'd like to challenge/discuss what has been presented. I really don't find my statement all that amazing, but I'd rather evoke some sort of response than reiterate the same disclaimer crap many posters do.
    With dreamers, pure and simple, the imagination remains a vaguely sketched inner affair. It is not embodied in any aesthetic or practical invention. Reverie is the equivalent of weak desires. Dreamers are the aboulics of the creative imagination.

  8. #18
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    Thanks, everyone

    I am choosing to leave it alone. Mostly because I facebooked him and...he has a girlfriend. I hope she is better at communicating and fitting into his mold than I am. I know that sounds harsh, but I feel like that is what he needs. And before it felt like contacting him felt like things had to be patched up, but now I see he has moved on and ...possibly I can to.

    MAJOR learning experience that kind of feels like a wound at the moment.

    Thessaly - your thread about your ENFJ relationship is what helped me make sense of this all. So, thanks for that.

  9. #19
    I drink your milkshake. Thessaly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lapalm View Post
    Thanks, everyone

    I am choosing to leave it alone. Mostly because I facebooked him and...he has a girlfriend. I hope she is better at communicating and fitting into his mold than I am. I know that sounds harsh, but I feel like that is what he needs. And before it felt like contacting him felt like things had to be patched up, but now I see he has moved on and ...possibly I can to.

    MAJOR learning experience that kind of feels like a wound at the moment.

    Thessaly - your thread about your ENFJ relationship is what helped me make sense of this all. So, thanks for that.
    My thread is an epic masochistic disaster, but if you learned something from it I am glad. God knows I sure didn't.
    With dreamers, pure and simple, the imagination remains a vaguely sketched inner affair. It is not embodied in any aesthetic or practical invention. Reverie is the equivalent of weak desires. Dreamers are the aboulics of the creative imagination.

  10. #20
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    Hahhh. I didn't read the whole thing. But I read a lot.

    It just clicked once I started reading about how the relationship unfolded. How smothered I felt and how he went about pursuing me when I felt like I wasn't sure and didn't know what the big deal was. Little did I know things were a big deal to him, while for me it was just simply expressing feelings and being my true self. Apparently my true emotional self that has growing up to do (ergh thanks to him for mentioning that).

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