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  1. #11
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    We've had heart to heart talks, but not about 'us'. It's like a taboo subject. I know that having 'the talk' would be the obvious answer, but I know that I'm not going to be able to start that talk with him unless push really comes to shove somehow.
    If in fact, he is running away, he has some really good reasons to do so. His past has been rocky and I can understand why he would not want to get close to a girl.
    I keep feeling like timing is everything and if I stay the course as his friend, maybe he won't be able to run away anymore?? or he won't want to??

  2. #12
    Senior Member Sparrow's Avatar
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    What I would do:

    Instead of sitting around wondering, talk to him about your feelings for him! Unless you just want to wait forever....

    As you know ENFJ's can be pretty intense at times, sometimes people think an ENFJ might like them romantically, but really it could just be an ENFJ just being themselves...doing their connecting and vibe'n with people thing. I would talk to him to find out! At least you'll know what his deal is .
    Fe | Ni | Se | Ti ... 3w4 ... Lawful Neutral ... Johari -Nohari

  3. #13
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    Absolutely agree with Sparrow.

    A good ENFJ will take talking about it, especially you bringing it up, much better than letting their own Ni and other nonsense run them in mental circles. If you can't talk about the two of you specifically in that way, ask why said ENFJ starts backing off. Express that they are important to you. We respond to people showing us we matter to them, rather than having to do that for other people. Otherwise, I think we'll just go through cycles of people like they have a common level of interaction with us. When we're called out- we perk up. If we don't perk up and start to withdraw, it's probably because we are Ni-ing our own faces off with some sort of concern. Best thing is to ask, ask, ask- but in a calm manner.
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  4. #14
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    I think my real problem with having the talk or a talk with him is my own fear of the answer. I have to be prepared to hear what I don't want to hear and I don't feel ready for that. I'm emotionally invested and to hear 'I just don't think of you that way' might put me in a hole that I can't get out of for awhile. It's a lot easier and more comfortable for me to analyze his actions by personality type and come up with my own conclusions than to put my neck out there.
    I'm being brutally honest. I know this isn't healthy or the right thing to do, but it's the truth.
    I think you guys on this site are brilliant with your analysis and insight. I know that you're right that I should talk to him about it, but if we take that off the table, at least for now, is there any other advice/feedback that would be helpful? I'm saying this with complete respect for your recommendations. I just know that I'm not in a place to follow through with it just yet.

  5. #15
    Senior Member Sparrow's Avatar
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    Understandable, I know it can be hard to put yourself out there like that! Where are all the ENFJ men at on this forum, give us your point of view on this issue please .
    Fe | Ni | Se | Ti ... 3w4 ... Lawful Neutral ... Johari -Nohari

  6. #16
    Senior Member sciski's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mystory View Post
    I think you guys on this site are brilliant with your analysis and insight. I know that you're right that I should talk to him about it, but if we take that off the table, at least for now, is there any other advice/feedback that would be helpful? I'm saying this with complete respect for your recommendations. I just know that I'm not in a place to follow through with it just yet.
    The problem is that we don't know this guy, so any information anyone gives is pure speculation. And you'd know it.

    Suppose we come to the conclusion that this guy is 100% into you, based on analysis. Would that conclusion be enough to overcome your fear of a negative response from him? Would you talk to him then?

    Suppose we come to the conclusion that this guy is totally not into you, based on analysis. Would that conclusion be enough for you to completely move on?

    I'd suggest that if we take the idea of 'talking to him' off the table, the first thing we should put on the table is 'working through why you won't talk to him' so that we can put talking to him back on the table.

    Of course, if you simply like analysing the situation and that will give you confidence to act, that's totally cool. I'm just worried you'll spend a lot of time and effort talking about it here, but nothing concrete will come out of it.

    But regardless, good luck.

  7. #17
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    Agreed.
    It is pure speculation based on clues, etc. I don't think I will come to a conclusion one way or another based on things that are talked about here. I only hope to get a better idea or leaning from people with similar tempermants. I think on one level, it's just fun, interesting, insightful, makes me think about things through someone else's eyes. Analyzing and over-analyzing is part of my nature and maybe all INFJs. My mind is constantly running through scenerios and what-ifs. So, whether I'm spending time doing it here or on my own, either way, I will be doing it

    I also think it's a little thereputic to get it out. It's a public/anonymous forum, so I can feel safe to let it all out.

    I also think that you're right that I should work through why I won't talk to him, but I don't really know how to work through that right now. It's just fear. Afraid to be hurt, because I know first hand how rejection feels and how poorly I handle it internally.

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sparrow View Post
    Where are all the ENFJ men at on this forum, give us your point of view on this issue please .
    Hi Sparrow.

    Quote Originally Posted by mystory View Post
    Actually, what I'd really like is to have a conversation with an ENFJ off of this public forum so I can explain some details without having them displayed all over the internet. I don't know any others though, that's why I came here
    I think I'm currently one of the only enfj males on this forum. You can PM me if you like.

  9. #19
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    I do like your Avatar

  10. #20
    Don't pet me. JAVO's Avatar
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    I'll comment, since I've been good friends with several ENFJs. Although, my comments aren't necessarily that type-specific.

    One possibility is that he wants to see what you do when he doesn't initiate any interaction. Maybe he's concerned about being overbearing, or wants to gauge your interest in him. What does he do when you initiate contact/interaction? Have you tried that?

    Another possibility is that he has other friends he wants to spend equal time with. This is a neutral or good thing, not to be taken as a negative thing.

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