User Tag List

First 345

Results 41 to 50 of 50

  1. #41
    can't handcuff the wind Z Buck McFate's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    MBTI
    INfJ
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Posts
    3,683

    Default

    This page touches my nerves in this^ regard. I think it's a clue, at least.
    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

    5w4 sx/sp Johari / Nohari

  2. #42
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    256

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    This page touches my nerves in this^ regard. I think it's a clue, at least.
    Thanks for that article. It helps me to understand how to move out of or past the attachment-that-causes pain or anxiety, no matter the root cause of it. I've been in a relationship in which I feel we are drawn to each other and care for each other because each of us needs to heal something within ourselves (and possibly we met and came together for this reason). My intial feeing about him was one of joy and openess. I've felt he's felt the same--we have a reciprocal, clear bond. Because of this, I've experienced some of the most painful, wrenching feelings I've known. As the article points out, this is attachment kicking in. I feel he and I have been able to sit with these feelings and not do anything about them--we haven't blamed each other or tried to coerce or push too hard, despite the intense feelings (deep attraction) that arise between us. We've just talked or acted from the heart, with good intentions. There have been a few times when I felt I was trying to force things to find out how he feels about me or at least provide the opportunity for clarity. The result of that wasn't good--he would seem to want that but if I was too forward, he would push me back a little. So that's that shenpa the article talks about. I've wondered how or why he and I have the ability to sit with these feelings about each other and not descend into pettiness or completely withdraw from each other. I've felt it was a very good thing, though.

    What Cascadeco said about her experiences with teaching: I completely relate to that. I led wilderness trips for a few years, which took me very far out of my comfort zone. I had a feeling it might not work for me because of of the need to be 'on' all the time in a group of people, but I thought it would be a good growth experience (being a 'leader'). I loved certain aspects of it but when the trips were done, I was exhausted from being an extravert for too long a time and could hardly wait to be alone again. In retrospect, I didn't need to do it. I already knew I had wilderness skills and I've never liked being in the spotlight with a group of people for very long. I was going against my grain, not following my gut instincts.

  3. #43
    can't handcuff the wind Z Buck McFate's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    MBTI
    INfJ
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Posts
    3,683

    Default

    I think what I get personally from the page, as it pertains to the op (and state’s question), is that it’s important to pay attention in the moments when we are reacting to something. The tendency to not react is still a reaction, and it’s possible to get in the habit of paying attention to when it happens- to pinpoint the reason we don’t attach feelings to anything in the present moment (to be more mindful about our reaction). Basically it sounds a lot like CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy). But I like Chödrön’s description, she has a way of making it sound more accessible. Or something. I haven’t actually tried it enough to say, from personal experience, whether or not it can help us IFJs feel reactions faster.
    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

    5w4 sx/sp Johari / Nohari

  4. #44
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    MBTI
    infj
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Posts
    2,460

    Default

    i love these responses. i think i need to take time to build scripts. i rely on my Ne folks to guide me thru this much of the time. the scripts provide an immediate anchoring in the moment, and if i can consult them, if i can have some kind of story to go off of, then i can generate a key question or two whose answer will help inform my response. the search just gets infinitely more powerful. because i'm pulling in way better information into my memory that is going to help me. tertiary Ti i think thru this script process helps bring about better (what goffman called) definitions of the situation. removing what is not true, and having a narrowed range of possibles within a series of stories to consult and use as a basic compass when negotiating with the context from one moment to the next.

    i agree that this "sitting with it" ability is really important. it is very cbt/dbt. they were made for us f types. assertiveness skills too.

  5. #45
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    6w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    3,939

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post
    i love these responses. i think i need to take time to build scripts. i rely on my Ne folks to guide me thru this much of the time. the scripts provide an immediate anchoring in the moment, and if i can consult them, if i can have some kind of story to go off of, then i can generate a key question or two whose answer will help inform my response. the search just gets infinitely more powerful. because i'm pulling in way better information into my memory that is going to help me. tertiary Ti i think thru this script process helps bring about better (what goffman called) definitions of the situation. removing what is not true, and having a narrowed range of possibles within a series of stories to consult and use as a basic compass when negotiating with the context from one moment to the next.

    i agree that this "sitting with it" ability is really important. it is very cbt/dbt. they were made for us f types. assertiveness skills too.
    I've gone through some CBT for a phobia. It definitely helped somewhat, though it would probably have helped more if I'd put more time and effort into practicing the techniques. But yeah, a lot of it is about awareness. I realised when I was in therapy that the CBT techniques could be useful for my life in other respects as well.

    I do think that quite a lot of my personal self-improvement in recent years, or at least steps toward it, has had to do with observing myself and observing patterns in my life. That's a start to winning the battle.
    Female
    INFJ
    Enneagram 6w5 sp/sx


    I DOORSLAMMING

  6. #46
    Member Moxiest's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4
    Posts
    84

    Default

    There are some times that I am very aware of my feelings and able to express what I feel and why... and other times that I need a bit of time to decide what it is precisely, that I am feeling in regards to a situation, why it is being felt, and how to appropriately deal with that feeling. If it is comflict between me and another person, I prefer the route that will bring the most healing...

    I also realize that when repairs need to be made to friendships, it is not fully my responsibility. I can go so far, but also need to be met. I am the kind of person who will go the extra mile for a friendship, but I also want to know that this continued friendship is of value to that other person. Sometimes, in order to keep working at those repairs, I need to see a bit of an effort to rebuild on the behalf of that friend. If not, I am happy to draw a line, rebuild my side of the "road/path" apart from them.... and just wait until they are ready (if they are ever ready) to begin rebuilding together.

    I find that when conflict is unmendable, I distance myself from that conflict/person... I look for other relationships that are more healthy or situations where I can better use my talents etc. OF course, I try to mend first, but if the mending is out of my hands, I leave it and go build somewhere else.

    Does this make sense?

  7. #47
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    2
    Posts
    931

    Default

    Although the delay thing is definitely INFJ, what you describe is actually part of the natural grief process that all people go through. The stages are

    1: Shock & Denial
    2: Pain & Guilt
    3. Anger & Bargaining
    4. Depression, Reflection, Lonliness
    5. Lifting of Depression
    6. Reconstruction
    7. Acceptance and Hope

    We go through the grieving process to some degree, even with "smaller" things. You are just in the "shock" stage at first and haven't gotten to "anger" yet.

  8. #48
    Senior Member Neutralpov's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    MBTI
    EnfJ
    Enneagram
    1w2 so/sx
    Socionics
    EII
    Posts
    311

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Moxiest View Post
    There are some times that I am very aware of my feelings and able to express what I feel and why... and other times that I need a bit of time to decide what it is precisely, that I am feeling in regards to a situation, why it is being felt, and how to appropriately deal with that feeling. If it is comflict between me and another person, I prefer the route that will bring the most healing...

    I also realize that when repairs need to be made to friendships, it is not fully my responsibility. I can go so far, but also need to be met. I am the kind of person who will go the extra mile for a friendship, but I also want to know that this continued friendship is of value to that other person. Sometimes, in order to keep working at those repairs, I need to see a bit of an effort to rebuild on the behalf of that friend. If not, I am happy to draw a line, rebuild my side of the "road/path" apart from them.... and just wait until they are ready (if they are ever ready) to begin rebuilding together.

    I find that when conflict is unmendable, I distance myself from that conflict/person... I look for other relationships that are more healthy or situations where I can better use my talents etc. OF course, I try to mend first, but if the mending is out of my hands, I leave it and go build somewhere else.

    Does this make sense?

    yes that is exactly what I would have said but it would have taken me a long time to construct it!
    Extroverted (E) 67.74% Introverted (I) 32.26%
    Intuitive (N) 51.72% Sensing (S) 48.28%
    Feeling (F) 51.61% Thinking (T) 48.39%
    Judging (J) 69.44% Perceiving (P) 30.56%

    Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
    so/sx/sp

  9. #49
    Senior Member Neutralpov's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    MBTI
    EnfJ
    Enneagram
    1w2 so/sx
    Socionics
    EII
    Posts
    311

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post
    i attribute it to not being in touch with your own experience and not really keeping the story of your experience rolling. one of the shitty things about being predominately left-brained. we identify with systems more than stories. we're always checking the ecological validity rather than building our story of the events as we subjectively experienced them, rather than building a case from inner validity. so it takes a while to identify the key conflicts and the key sticking points, rather than being reactive and responsive right away and having that register as something coming at you from outside of you, from an environmental stimulus. it's the difference, i think as has been said, between being a creature of semantic framework (Pi) rather than a creature of the time/space constructed environment around you (Pe).

    any strategies for monitoring one's mood and emotional state? of trying to take better notes and trace hurt feelings to direct stimuli/events/persons?
    Also State this post tripped me up legitimately this past month. I tried to keep my own "story" and you are dead on! I don't naturally do that. I have to consciously make an effort and it is a little tiresome even though I think it has been worth it. I never realized most other types (intro. judging first right?) are keeping their own internal story! This is a mental and philosophical can of worms for me lately
    Extroverted (E) 67.74% Introverted (I) 32.26%
    Intuitive (N) 51.72% Sensing (S) 48.28%
    Feeling (F) 51.61% Thinking (T) 48.39%
    Judging (J) 69.44% Perceiving (P) 30.56%

    Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
    so/sx/sp

  10. #50
    Member Moxiest's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4
    Posts
    84

    Default

    Have you ever had someone try and tell you what your emotions were- tell you what you felt in your heart?

    For example, I have had someone treat me like I was angry when I wasn't... and it actually made me angry. Has this ever happened to you? If so, how do you deal with this?

    I feel the need to clarify... but am unsure if this is possible for this situation... but it is bugging me... really bugging me alot.

Similar Threads

  1. [INFJ] The reason INFJs find it hard to forgive
    By KLessard in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 50
    Last Post: 02-24-2014, 10:51 PM
  2. [INFJ] INFJ's Captivation with Certain Time Frames
    By CuriousFeeling in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 09-30-2012, 10:28 PM
  3. [INFJ] The Empath (INFJ)
    By wedekit in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 48
    Last Post: 08-23-2010, 03:14 PM
  4. [INFJ] INFJs: What makes you tick?
    By brainheart in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: 10-17-2009, 06:21 AM
  5. [INFJ] The Rare INFJ INFJ Match
    By catchsouth4 in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 09-16-2009, 12:43 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO