I'm in a relationship with an INFJ and it's been about a year and a half. And I have been wondering for several months how healthy she is mentally.
She comes from a very verbally abusive home. I mean, I'm not on a deep friendship level with either her mom or dad and in the little time I've spent with her around her home both her mom and dad have lashed out at her. Her mother is covert-aggressive. And she is terribly turned-off with her mom and generally makes it a point to avoid her most all the time.
She tested INFJ with zero 'S'. This makes sense to me as she sometimes lashes out at me out of the blue. I never respond in spite or abruptly..always kind and after well-considered thought and careful, calm reason to her outbursts. And that is why I am writing this post..because it's getting too often these outbursts happen.
I don't want to marry an unbalanced INFJ..I mean I know I want an INFJ..and I know no one is perfectly balanced..I just don't want to get into marriage, children, etc. and start an unbalanced household.
It's getting on my nerves and I'm not the type of man to just 'salute'.
What do you healthy INFJs think? What would you do?
She keeps texting me and it's not even a relationship where people talk half as much as type. I know INFJs like to read more than speak..that's no deal-breaker tho.
It's blame a lot. Doesn't matter what it just seems it's a mountain out of a mole hill on things like what I wear. I think everyone can wear whatever it is they choose..not play passive-aggressive because whatever the other person is wearing isn't of the liking of the other.
I'm in my late 30s and she's almost 30. And I see quite a few other things that are simply, high-school'ish' in maturity levels..I put up with all of that and am beginning to wonder how her maturity is so far behind what is normal for a 30-year old.
She still lives with her parents, but is very successful at what she does. When asked 'Why don't you get your own place?' she got all upset and blamed it on me. I would think if one can't stand one's mother (and yes the mother does indeed aggravate her and most everyone else..barges into her room unannounced, is very critical of her about things like her clothes and her voting choice, (almost anything)...things which most people don't find aggravating. Criticized her dad for having a hobby. Just unnacceptable. She still stays there and doesn't move out.
I got us a place and she stayed there. Then I lost my job and she covered the rent for the remainder of the lease. She makes about 3 times what I do. Then she told me she didn't really live there and was just staying there to hang out with me. I can't believe this is an INFJ. She says she loves me. She wants children. One time in an outburst at me she told me if one day we have kids and things aren't going well...that that's it.
She criticized me today for not finding a job yet in this economy. I just don't sense teamwork from her. Like a family. When times are tough healthy couples join together tighter..which is healthy. I feel she values my negatives over my positives. I seldom if ever she compliments me for my good traits..NEVER! It's usually an outburst combined with criticisms. Feels like someone trying to enslave another or get one to submit.
Sometimes it's great. I wonder about her core. I have serious concerns about her fitness as a wife and a mother. I would think it's good for most people to learn responsibilities from young adulthood how to deal with life's issues..It's as she has gotten off to a real bad start in life with her verbally abusive household on many levels.
About every two or three months she gives me an ultimatum..something like "Does this really need to just be done? I'd really like to not waste any of our time." Usually starts over something like me not sweeping the carpet or folding her clothes..or not having found a job yet. (I moved to be with her because she wouldn't move to where my job was) Now the economy is in the hole and most of my job leads have dried up..I have about 12 different recruiters working to find me a job. And I have quite a lot of experience and expertise at what I do..a proven track record, most recruiters express enthusiasm over my resume and excitement at wanting to place me with several companies..the job market is just that bad right now.
INFJs and others, what are your thoughts? I would think Sensors would be particularly suited to handling these difficult things, even tho they aren't predominantly 'N'.
I suspect it's some combination of these:
A.) It's Ne testing to see if I can handle her over time
B.) She wants to order me around (I won't be ordered around by anyone and am least likely to do so and have told her this...to which her reply was 'You will..you'll see. HAHA thinking that seed will actually grow inside me. NOT!!! sorry )...as witnessed by her mother orders about everyone around for no apparent reason other than, I think, is a very unhealthy psychotic manipulative ENFJ.
C.) She is lazy and wants a guy as a meal ticket even tho she is capable of earning an income
D.) Feels nervous as she has never taken the responsibility and had her own place/apartment even in college