Well, this thread has gone exactly where I would have predicted ... who says you need Ni to see the future?
I feel both sides here ... yet it's more natural for Fi to side with the underdog, no? The ISFP is at a deficit in many ways - knowledge, finances, lack of parenting experience, stability, to name a few. The ISTP is in the power position, and offers help yet seems to be using it to judge the people instead of their actions - and their actions are what need assistance. I think it would be a great idea to engage the ISTP in some dialogue focussing on compassion; it would be a long-term proposition though meant to expand the definitions of it for herself too. She sounds like a person who is pretty hard on herself. At least short-term, in a convo like this, I think O should share a little of how what's being said appears to her, without causing any unnecessary rift between herself and the in-laws.Also, why didn't you feel this with the ISTP? You felt the ISFP's "pain" but did you not feel the ISTP's frustration? How did you rank who's emotions were more insistent and valid? Why did you automatically empathize with the ISFP but not the ISTP?
I'll pull this quote out earlier from skylights:
It's not just what you do, to Fi it's about what you say and what you feel inside about it too. This consistency ... is vital. If you're going to be generous, be generous through and through, not begrudge the people you are helping behind their backs. Not hitch your assistance to a whole wagon of unspoken, assumed conditions, where you choose to "pull the pin" if the people being helped don't "give back" the way you expect they should. I'm not saying you can just "give give give" ... the context of helping should be placed up front and center. For this church example, if they had told the family, "We will allow you to live with us for 8 weeks while you save enough to get your own place again, and will help you get set up with a young mom's group for support and learning, and teach you to what standards we expect the place to be kept up to while you are here. Do you agree to this?" THEN there's a time to hold people to standards ... I am not sure this happened in this situation?Originally Posted by skylights
Complaining about this feels more condemnatory than just "blowing off steam" ... it feels like writing people off as losers, failures, which feels wrong to do. Does that help explain it?