good points uumlau
i was thinking... Fi reads emotional cuing. we look in language for words that speak to emotion and value. this has been a constant source of tension between myself and my INTP dad, because we do not so easily speak one another's languages. he listens to my exact words, when my primary meaning is in the nuances of tone, and i listen to his emotionality, when his primary meaning is in specific word choice. actually this site has been invaluable to me in beginning to cross that bridge, because i understand what's going on between us.
for instance, when he has expressed frustration because i got a bad grade on something (fortunately this is an old scenario, lol), he would tend to say things like "i don't know who you're kidding thinking that you'll be able to do ____ after you graduate with grades like this; if you keep this up, you're never going to get into ____ school; i don't understand how you would let your grades go down the drain like this; you need to shape up or ship out; etc." what i needed to do was block out the message i would hear of "you are a failure and will not amount to anything", which just made me hurt and angry, because his actual message was probably generally more like "if you do not get good grades, you will not be able to get what you want in the future", which is a decent point. he would be baffled by how upset i would get, because i interpreted his words as a devaluation - that he did not like me or really care about me, and that he expected my grades to be bad - even though now i know that he was just afraid that i would end up blocking off opportunities for myself that he and my mom had worked hard to create. but it's funny, because he could have said to me, "you know, you did really shitty on that test, i'm disappointed in you and next time i'm going to make sure you study more", or "you understand that if you want to get into ____ school, you're going to need to work harder" - neither of which are ooey gooey sweet, but they're not devaluing either, because they doesn't suggest that my poor performance was a reflection of who i am.
now, i don't know how accurate to the Ti/Fi split that is, but i suspect that it is in some ways similar to the communication gap that has occurred here. one main group is reading fairly legitimate criticism based in fear - venting - and the other main group is reading a personal attack on the value of the family.
yeah. i suspect that there are certain words she used that "cue" us as Fi users to read this as an attack on the ISFP. my suspicion is that there are phrases - "like dogs" probably being one of them - that cause us to interpret her rant as a devaluation of the person rather than simple venting.Originally Posted by Orobas