[INFJ] INFJs and the 5 languages of love

[MonkeyGrass]

Mine are constantly switching order, depending on my current life demands...

In the busy, hectic parenthood phase of life, it's been:

1-Quality time (someone who will talk forever with me about interesting things that matter to me)
2- Touch (the reassuring, non-grabby, non-toddler kind)
3- Gifts...anything that says "I know you well enough to predict what will totally make you smile today." That's like, the gift of being known well. Why isn't that an option? That would be my INFJ holy grail.
4-Words of Affirmation- something insightful, something that expresses that you appreciate what I do...in a quiet, sincere, private way.
5- Acts of service. I suppose I enjoy having someone bake me brownies or paint my bathroom for me. Yes, I'll take that.

 

[Omission1234]

i dont fully remember the percentages but :
1 and 2 Physical touch and quality time: were both 30%
3. words of affirmation: ?
4. acts of service : ?
5. gifts - was 0%

 

[kyli_ryan]

My order was:

1. Quality Time
2. Acts of Service
3. Physical Touch
4. Words of Affirmation
5. Receiving Gifts

Nothing surprising there

 

[Lightyear]

What does that thread tell us? Spend some proper one-on-one time with your INFJ and give him/her a good genuine hug and you are on your best way to their heart.

 

[ExAstrisSpes]

3 Words of Affirmation
9 Quality Time
6 Receiving Gifts
5 Acts of Service
7 Physical Touch

 

[Atomic Fiend]

Your Scores
5 Words of Affirmation
10 Quality Time
2 Receiving Gifts
3 Acts of Service
10 Physical Touch

 

[Curator]

took a 5 languages of love test, and got pretty much exactly the score I thought id get...
#1: Quality time-10 pts
#2: Physical Touch-9 pts
#3: Words of Affirmation-7 pts (that they actually mean of course, empty words are...well, empty.)
#4: Acts of service-3 points
#5: Receiving Gifts-1 pt (I do like receiving gifts, but I just really prefer things that are really thoughtful, something that somebody made their self would be far more likely to mean a lot more to me than a million dollar car...

Edit: and heres the link for the one I used.
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/

 

[Lily flower]

Quality time
Words of affirmation

And yes...gifts are last

 

[Oddity]

1. Quality Time
2. Words of Affirmation
3. Acts of Service
4. Physical Touch
5. Recieving Gifts

This seems to ring pretty true. I had previously thought that physical touch would be higher, but I've gone so long without it I guess it matters less. I hate recieving gifts unexpectedly. It makes me feel extremely guilty that I did not get something for the other person, and I feel as if I'm a bad gift-giver.

 

[EvangelineEmma]

Mine (in order of importance/ personal preference) are:

Quality Time
(I value quality conversation and receiving periods of undivided attention above all else in a relationship honestly, since I often feel that time spent together with loved ones will only serve to strengthen our bonds and maintain that sense of closeness between us; the depth, or at least overall flow, of my conversations with someone, whether over similar hobbies or values, also help me assess the amount of chemistry I may have with them and how much ease or openness I can experience in our relationship. Based upon personal experience, it is very hurtful for me whenever a person appears disinterested or apathetic toward what I have to say and constantly refuses to spend time alone with me. It is also good to mention that I often prefer and do much better with one on one interactions with people, rather than be surrounding by several of them in a very boisterous public setting).

Physical Touch
(I need physical affection from the people I'm closest too, since I feel that physical touch in any form shows that barriers have been broken and that there is a deeper level of openness and trust among yourself and another person. A constant lack of affection might instead make me feel awkward or confused as I struggle to figure how to deepen my bond with said person, interpreting the lack of affection as aloofness or disinterest. I am not saying that I crave this to the extent of say, the sappiness of the Full House characters who thrived upon this, but rather that I at least need at least some trace of this from my loved ones in daily life to feel appreciated).

Acts of Service
(It is flattering and heartwarming to me when a person offers unsolicited help or assistance to you with something, since it shows that they are considerate of your well being and feelings and care enough to want to accomplish a task or help you with a chore out of love).

Words of Affirmation
(Honestly, I do enjoy words of affirmation more than this list may imply, yet I sometimes feel that continuous compliments and flattering from others can border on insincerity, particularly based upon the person's speaking tone and body language, or at least, from whom you're receiving the compliment to begin with.I may feel genuinely loved if I received affirming words from my mother or a very close friend perhaps, knowing that they are most likely honest in what they're saying, but wouldn't feel as appreciated if it came from a classmate I hardly knew or someone who has a reputation of being overly nice to everyone).

Gift Giving
(Although it may feel nice to receive gifts unexpectedly from a loved one, I've never really interpreted it as a symbol of love or affection, since the act itself may feel rather empty once the gift is received from someone who isn't truly attentive or genuinely caring towards you. I am also aware of this because this is precisely what i have experienced with my own father, who has continuously been absent from my life for several years, yet tries to compensate for this absence with gifts).

 

[meowington]

4 Words of Affirmation
5 Quality Time
5 Receiving Gifts
9 Acts of Service
7 Physical Touch

Weird quiz if you ask me. They all seem important.

 

[cafe]

Mine are quality time, words of affirmation and the other stuff. Can't remember the order of the other stuff. Gifts are not a big thing for me.

I was just wondering if physical touch is usually higher in the hierarchy for guys because in western culture they can't really get touch much outside of a romantic situation. Not being touched is very bad for humans.

 

[Werebudgie]

I was initially a bit irritated by this framework because from what I saw, it's relentlessly hetero in its presentation (the quiz I saw and took asked for my gender, then if I didn't check single, incorrectly gendered my partner as male/husband.)

But I actually think it's a pretty useful tool despite that flaw.

My top two were quality time and physical touch. Pretty much a tie between them.
Dead last (least important) for me: gifts
I don't remember the rest.

 

[Werebudgie]

I was just wondering if physical touch is usually higher in the hierarchy for guys because in western culture they can't really get touch much outside of a romantic situation. Not being touched is very bad for humans.

FWIW, physical touch is pretty much tied with quality time at the top for both me and my (INFP, if it matters) partner, and we're both women.

 

[cafe]

FWIW, physical touch is pretty much tied with quality time at the top for both me and my (INFP, if it matters) partner, and we're both women.

It certainly can be for women. But it seems like it's *always* in the top one or two for men. Or that's my perception. Women are all over the place comparatively.

 

[Werebudgie]

It certainly can be for women. But it seems like it's *always* in the top one or two for men. Or that's my perception. Women are all over the place comparatively.

Ah, I get it now. I did a very quick Duck Duck Go search on gender and love and found this, which may relate to what you're exploring on this point (I didn't watch the video, just read the text, though):

"A lot of men would say to me, 'Oh, I know my love language' -- even before they read the book," Dr. Chapman says in this clip. "They just see the five [and say], 'Oh I'm Physical Touch.' And I say, 'Well maybe, but let me ask you a couple of questions. Do non-sexual touches make you feel loved?' And they look at me like a deer in the headlights."

Not sure if or how that relates, but it seemed like it might be of interest somehow re your thoughts/observations..

 

[cafe]

Ah, I get it now. I did a very quick Duck Duck Go search on gender and love and found this, which may relate to what you're exploring on this point (I didn't watch the video, just read the text, though):



Not sure if or how that relates, but it seemed like it might be of interest somehow re your thoughts/observations..

It's definitely possible. I tried the quiz link in the article and I wanted to slap somebody. Most of the statements strike me as so whiney and unappreciative. Bleh. And definitely highly hetero-normative. I'm straight and it bothered me, it was so bad.

 

[Werebudgie]

It's definitely possible. I tried the quiz link in the article and I wanted to slap somebody. Most of the statements strike me as so whiney and unappreciative. Bleh.

You know, that's a good way to put it IMO.

And definitely highly hetero-normative. I'm straight and it bothered me, it was so bad.

I hear you!

 

[autumnandtherain]

Mine is quality time, physical touch, followed closely by words of affirmation, then acts of service, then gifts.