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Thread: INFJ's trouble with change?

  1. #1
    Senior Member Array Lily flower's Avatar
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    Jun 2010

    Default INFJ's trouble with change?

    I was wondering if other INFJ's have trouble with change and adventure. I have a sense of adventure when it comes to some social things - like the fact that I was a foster parent for many years, dealt with gang members, strippers, violent people, etc.

    But as far as geography and institutions - I always feel like I want everything to stay the same. I like Chrismas traditions to stay the same. I like people to stay in one area and not move. I want the camp I went to as a child to stay exactly the same - no new pool, no new cabins.

    If I have to go somewhere new, for a job interview or something similar I always drive there the day before. And I hate it when my friends want to drive "into the city" to do something new. It makes me feel very tense.

    Do other INFJ's have the same problem with change?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Array
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    Jan 2009


    Can't say that I feel this way, although I think I did to a certain extent when I was younger. But I think it's probably a manifestation of the INFJ need for certainty. Driving out the route the day before a job interview is more about advance planning and eliminating as many variables as possible to make sure things go smoothly - at least that's why I do that sort of thing. As for your friends wanting to drive "into the city" to do something new, I'm wondering if you have concerns about your friends' abilities to make and execute a concrete plan. When you go on these outings is there a specific event or venue that you are going to, or is the plan just to wander around and see what catches your fancy? If it's the former, do you trust your friends to figure out directions, parking, where you're going to eat, etc? Or are the fly by the seat of their pants types? Those would be the major stressors for me, rather than the new location in and of itself.

  3. #3


    Quote Originally Posted by eclare View Post
    Driving out the route the day before a job interview is more about advance planning and eliminating as many variables as possible to make sure things go smoothly - at least that's why I do that sort of thing.

    Don't know if this is related to being an INFJ or just my self-preservation instinct kicking in. I do feel anxiety when changes occur, I get the initial stubborn response and refusal to accept the changes. It just takes a while to get used to them, but once I've gotten used to the changes, I'm fine with them unless they're something really negative. If that happens, I might turn away and completely change my outlook on it. Usually I adapt and try to find something positive.

  4. #4
    4x9 Array cascadeco's Avatar
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    Oct 2007
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    To the OP - regarding the type of change you're referring to (travel, new places..), I don't know that I can relate. I actually thrive off of that sort of change, and become very restless and start feeling stagnant when things are the same day in and day out. I need new things, new places, new scenes every now and then to keep my life rich and interesting. I think I have a pretty big appetite for newness. I think it's critical to my happiness.

    Also, because historically and in the grand scheme much of my life is pretty solitary and I do things on my own or stay at home, I tend to really enjoy the times when I get out (go into the city, or head out with friends) or try new restaurants or activities. I'm almost always willing to try something new once - unless I'm certain prior to going into it that it's not me. But I don't think that happens that often. I tend to be a pretty curious person in general.

    As for traditions...hmm... I don't know. I don't know that I'm completely set on things being exactly the same each year or whatever. There are certain things I really like/value, but much I think I am able to flex a bit and it's not the end of the world if something changes. I might have a momentary bit of disappointment, but it's usually pretty brief and then I roll with the new thing. This goes with changes to plans too: I might need a handful of minutes to 'reallign' things in my head to the new data/change, and I might be initially bothered or irritated, but it's not long lasting. Basically, I think I approach these things these days as - 'Well, what can you do. Things change, there's no use wasting energy fretting over what isn't going to be, might as well just roll with what now IS.'

    All of that said, I definitely like solidity and am uncomfortable with randomness and a lack of forethought/planning. I LOVE having things planned out and accounted for/mapped out (hence my several-minutes-of-adjustment when things change). So yeah, if I am going somewhere new or have a job interview in a part of town somewhere I've never been, I'll most definitely do the mapquest thing and be sure I know where I'm going. I myself don't need to do the day-before-test-run, because I'm pretty confident once I have directions that I'll be able to get there, and I have a pretty good sense of time and how long things will take, so I account for all of that ahead of time.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  5. #5


    +1 to everything Cascade said. I do like change for the most part, I love traveling and having new adventures.

    Are you sentimental about the things you prefer stay consistent, Lily? I am more resistant to change that disrupts the few things I have searched to find and fallen in love with. E.g. the city I live in. I lived in quite a few places before getting to live where I do now and I really don't like the idea of ever moving.

  6. #6
    From the Undertow Array CuriousFeeling's Avatar
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    Dec 2009
    4w5 sp/sx


    I prefer to go into things gradually, and know what I am getting myself into. I like small changes, like changing the way a room looks, but if my family and I moved out of my hometown, it would be a huge step for me... something I am not exactly comfortable with. Unless it was direly necessary, I wouldn't want to leave.

    When it comes to music, I am uncomfortable when a group drastically changes the arrangement of a song I enjoy. Usually the parts I enjoy the most are the ones that get omitted or turned into something else entirely, and while I enjoy the song, it doesn't quite have the same feeling to it. I notice when even the key is different, and it bothers me. I want the song to sound just like it does on the album, lol.

    When it comes to driving to places I am unfamiliar with, I need to plan in advance the route I will take... often I bring both a map and a GPS. It causes me a lot of stress when I get lost, or if something changes my original route, or if there's a traffic jam. Usually if I am going for a job interview, or going to where I am going to work, I like to do a dry run. Gives me a feel for the roads before heading to the place the day of the interview. I like certainty.


    “Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings -- always darker, emptier and simpler.”
    ― Friedrich Nietzsche

  7. #7


    I actually love and thrive on change, travelling is one of my favourite things to do, I love to try new things and I get completely exhausted by always having the same routine. Whenever I think I would like a little bit more stability I try that and then get bored within a few months and look for something that is new and inspiring.

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