I am very mopey and unhappy and hate my job but I found these and they made me laugh-
* If ENFP an invented the alphabet there would be 9,000 letters and you could spell anything anyway you wanted because it’s not right to impose your grammar on someone else
* ENFPs may not know how to use a can opener
* Occam's Razor says that the simplest answer tends to be the correct one. Don't tell that to an ENFP
* An ENFP once had so many ideas at once that she created a small bubble in space time. Popping, broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
* Crop circles are ENFPs' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down, relax and become one with its maker:dirt
* The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep ENFPs out. They have a billion people? The one Child policy was met to slow down the ENFP-ESFP sex. The moon landing was an INTJ plot to eject them too!
* Contrary to popular belief, ENFPs, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, being blinded by sparkely things, weird hats, changing subjects and the constent fishing of complements.
* Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. The ENFP has 72... and they're all bat-shit crazy & the life of the party. They are needed for all 72 ideas in their heads.
* If you ask an ENFP what time it is, she always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" she chats up an other bloke.
* ENFPs often drives a ice cream trucks covered in the writen plans of ENTPs & INTJs. Sometimes it is covered in ideals because they are more real.
* When ENFPs sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, looking helpless, unable to follow directions. ENFPs have not had to pay taxes, ever.
* The quickest way to an ENFP's heart is with cold caluclaiton. NTs are so sexy!
* ENFPs invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: random or what we feel like at that moment.
* CNN was originally created as the "ENFP News Network" to update Americans with completely diffrent news stories every 15 seconds... 24/7. They had to change the programming after Sensor's heads exploded.
* ENFPs can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
* There is no theory of evolution, just a list of animals ENFPs dream up or let in to their collective moral exisitance.
* An ENFP once ate three 12 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
* ENFPs don't kill two birds with one stone. They could never kill a bird and love stones, stones can be cute. Ever hear of a pet rock? We love birds
* ENFPs are more random than the last digit of pi.
* Everyone you see on the street... those are ENFP's best friends. As a matter of fact, you are a best friend of 100 ENFPs
* When you see movie credits they are all enfps. Everyone in Hollywood is an NF... Scientology? hello! Tom Cruse? ok maybe 5 ESFP actresses.
* The hot air around ENFPs have been known to melt glaciers
* When ENFPs want a hard boild egg, they hold one and love on it for 2 minutes... boiled. To much energy from bouncing around.
* ENFPs sometimes play racquetball with a waffle iron just to be diffrent
* Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take an ENFP to fall in love... twice.
* The 1972 Miami Dolphins played an exhibition game vs. a team of INTJs and ENFPs, it was the Dolphins only loss
* An ENFP's politics may not be Politically Correct. But they are always correct.
* Mr. T pities the fool. ENFPs pitty everyone not drunk.
* They were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of ENFP, but the answer is never ascertainable
* A man once taunted an ENFP with a bag of Lay's potato chips, saying "Betcha can't eat just one!" the ENFP ate just one because he felt bad for hurting the chip.
* ENFPs' favorite cereal is Kellogg's spirit N faith with a sprinkle of rainbows.'
* In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. An ugly ESFJ was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
* An ENFP has never been accused of murder for the simple fact that "All is fair in LOVE and War".
* "Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what ENFPs call their stack of little black books.
* Rule 1 of ENFP Club, Talk about ENFP Club.
* An ENFP is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his charm.
* In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is an ENTJ and his best friend is the ENFP
* ENFPs wipe their asses with sunshine and flowers. The men use blue flowers though.
* When you play Monopoly with an ENFP, you always pass go, and you always collect two hundred dollars.
* Only ENFPs talk to INTJs like: "OMG U R soooo cute and cudley!" "Give me HUGGGGS"
* ENFPs like their ice like they like their passed lovers: crushed.
* The term "6 degrees of separation" was generated from studding ENFPs
* Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. ENFP men wear super tight jeans. Others may marry ISTJs
* ENFPs don’t not "lose" their virginity. They were born sluts.
* Everything King Midas touches turns to gold. Everything Chuck Norris touches is never finished.
* ENFPs' heart beating when in love is measured on the Richter scale.
* Most people know that Descartes said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...captivated by an ENFP."
* An ENFP once kissed a ten dollar bill into 200 nickels.
* ENFPs enjoys a good practical joke. They are called SJs
* A room full of ENFPs CAN in fact 'raise the roof'. And they can do it by jumping up and down
* Life is not, in fact, like a box of chocolates. It is more like a box of ENFPs, you never know what you are going to get.
* For ENFPs, there are no "one way" streets.
* There are now five cup sizes at Starbucks: Short, Tall, Grande, Venti, and ENFP.
* Instead of having a cigarette after sex, ENFPs run a marathon.
* The "stairway to heaven" is getting into the mind of an ENFP.
* Whoever said "only the good die young" was wasn't using their Fi.
* 100,000,000 ENFPs have purposed on or near the Eiffel tower.
* The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing an ENFP loves you
* What is the biggest sex organ on an ENFP... the brain.
* Proponents of higher-order theories of consciousness argue that consciousness is explained by the relation between two levels of mental states in which a higher-order mental state takes another mental state. If you mention this to an ENFP they will agree. Mention it tomorrow and they won't.
* If an ENFP falls in the forest, does anybody hear? Yes. ENFPs never shut up.
* An ENFPs actually owns Victoria’s Secret. That’s why everyone knows all of her business and can rummage around her underwear collection. Do ENFPs have shame?
* He, who laughs last, laughs best. ENFPs are always giggling.
* ENFPs are like dogs, not only because they can smell fear, but because they piss off some one whatever they want.
* ENFPs have so much excess energy they can jump-start a car using jumper cables attached to their nipples.
* ENFPs melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
* ENFPs don’t have blood. They are filled glowing pink love. Yes ant it tastes like honey. With mint bits. Sometimes cookies.